Dating Sucks!

Dating Sucks, and It does not have to be that way.

This is the story of January Snow, and how she dumped me on December 24, 2012, for A  fly by night, man from Maine, traveling gigolo, just looking for an easy piece of ass, pit stop when he’s In Boston on a business trip.

  • This story is rated P.G. 13.
  • I have never written a story like this before.  My two wife’s gave me just cause too, but I’ll save that for someday. If I dated some new, I would not write a story a bought them. I’m not bashing here, and I didn’t make this story up. Something very wrong happened, I’m telling it like it is. Thank you, Gary.
  • I have never in my life been very good at getting girls. If I like one, and shes pretty, she will never have any thing to do with me. And sex, where girls are concerned, is a physical impossibility. Twelve years of school, for a guy who loved females, was a complete and total disappointment. When a teen boy can’t get action, life sucks!
  • The worst part is, the biggest jerks always get the girls.
  • I got my first wife by knocking up a friend’s sister. She needed a meal ticket, and I was a sucker. She became my serial cheater, and I her meal ticket, until one of her boyfriends tried to shoot me. She was 31, he was 19.
  • My second wife liked cigarettes, caffeine, alcohol, and cocaine more than she liked herself, me, or the kids. Getting sober meant cheating at AA, and divorce. I never found anyone to counter-cheat with.
  • The only girlfriend I could find after the divorce was not very good looking. I looked like the trophy boyfriend. We got along very well, she was more fun than my two wife’s.  She wanted to get married, I did not. In time, she broke up with me, thank God. There is so much more to these stories than I have time for right now.
  • This story is a little long, bare with me. I did not write this story  out of malice,  or to be vindictive. It was not conceived out of revenge, or to get sympathy. Nor am I trying to make  my subjects look bad. Except for some venting at the end, the events  chronicled are true. There is some conjecture on my part as to January Snows motives, and what the truth is.
  • For two and a half years I could not get a date. Girls enjoy shooting us down for sport, when they should be sporting guys some love. We would all be happier!
  • I had given up trying to get a date, or a girl friend, hitting on woman was just a waste of time. They are, too young, too old, or taken. Or told lies about their status. They don’t understand the concept, give a guy a chance!
  • On August 29, 2012. I was in the store. I started talking to myself about how hard it is to buy food for one person, I never finish anything. I was standing at the prepackaged cold cuts, when a woman walked up beside me. I started talking to her. We covered many subjects, including her divorce, and my two divorces. I had not been trying to hit on her, but I decided I should try. I gave her my card I use to get people to check out  my YouTube account.
  • A business card is the kiss of death, a girl will never call you. I told her, don’t let the card put you off, it’s just a come on, please call me. Her name is January Snow.
  • A week to the day we met, she called me. I was shocked! No woman ever calls me.  She said the reason she called me was, I said I never wanted to  get married again.  She said, that sounded good to her.  We talked on the phone several times and had our first date on Sept 9, 12.
  • We met for Breakfast. We talked for two hours in the restaurant, and two hours in the parking lot.  { Breakfast Sundays, would become  A ritual. }
  • On Wednesday, a second date. Friday, a movie. She Invited me home to spend the night. I was surprised and thrilled, this sort of thing, never happens to me!  Saturday, she stayed over my  house, the flurry’s of  love began too grow!
  • Looking back, this seemed way too easy for Jan, like she had done this a hundred times. It was way to easy, for me to o get this date, and moved to fast. January would tell me repeatedly that she is shy, and a prude.  She is not shy, when dating some one new, and handles new sleep overs like a pro!
  • More dates, more sleep overs. My life was good for a change!
  • on Sept 22 2012, I took her to a fair she had never been to. The big E.  We saw Jay Black, Kenny Vance, and the Tokens. A bad thunder storm approaching cut Jays show short.  She had a couple of beers at the fair, We had a fight on way home. I freaked out, my second wife would drink and want to fight in the car. She did not like me talking to strangers, telling jokes and stories, or giving out my business cards. I was telling an old guy from N.H. , the story of how the song,  fire in the hayloft came to be, Jan freaked out. I was a teenager, for God sakes!
  • And oh God, if I talked to a female, all hell came down on my head.
    Jan bought a cow girl hat at the fair. It looked good on her.
  • A note.  she hated  her ex husband,  Newton Snow  for cheating on  and leaving her. So, Jan became paranoid if I talked to females.  She  thought I was hitting on them.
  • I’m not a cheater, and I would not hit on anyone in Jan’s presence, had no reason to hit behind her back. We survived the fight.
  • The next red flag, came in the form of January telling me I haven’t been completely honest. I have a long term, long distance, boy friend named Tye, who lives in my house, in castle New York. Near the river to lake Champlain.
  • And they went to fox woods together in August, just before I met her. She said Tye complains I’m always mad at him.
  • I have been down here in mass for six years, and Tye won’t move down here to mass, and won’t let me move back there. I wanted to break up with him for a long time, but hes in my house and I don’t want any thing to happen to my things. She told me that she missed having a man in her life, and that I was the first time she had been unfaithful. { This is probably a gigantic lie!!!!!!! She  repeatedly emphasized, how much she loved sex! Would you believe she was in Massachusetts for six years, and didn’t cheat on a guy who lived five hours away?    }
  • January and I got closer, I fell in love with her, she started spending almost every night sleeping over my house. It was great, I had not felt like this for years.
  • January talked a bought  her younger son Neil, there was A problem with his car door. I offered to fix it, she wouldn’t bring it over. She didn’t want him to meet me. this was odd. They got a used door instead.
  • I love haunted house’s and after high school, two failed marriages, and two divorce’s, plus playing in a band. Not much scares me. January had never been to a haunted house.
  • On Sunday October 21, 12. I took Jan to witches woods, three  haunted houses, and a hay ride. Jan did not like it. She was easily scared, and never wants to go to one again. I was disappointed. I wanted so bad to have some one to go places , and do things with. At least I didn’t do anything she objected too, and I didn’t have to fight on the hour drive home.
  • January met my parents, and charmed them. they felt she was very good for me. Boy did she fool them!
  • On Friday October 26, 12. Tye came down too visit. She slept in the same bed with him, claims nothing happened, I bet that’s a lie. She claims she broke up with him on the 28th, and he left on Monday the 29th. { A note, castle New York is A  five and a half hour drive, from south eastern  mass. }  January said she never wanted to be in a long distance relationship again.  { Its ten minuets from my house to hers. Distance will come up again later. } I know if I was in bed with another woman, there would be hell to pay. I was just glad to get her back. She left the cow girl hat at my house so Tye wouldn’t see it.
  • I guess its different when a woman does it. If a man cheats, its adultery and a crime. If a woman cheats, it’s multi’tasking, and it’s alright.
  • I don’t think Jan broke up with him, least I don’t know for sure. she lied to me about him, never told him about me. January, cheated on Tye, with me, and possibly on me with Tye,  the week end  of Oct 26, 12.{ I will never know, but I see a trend developing. }
  • {  Dear Tye, in castle New York. For ” PETE’S ” sake, your being made a fool of, wake up! You have been lied to for years, while shes probably  been cheating on you, like her ex husband cheated on her. }
  • The worst part is I became her secret. Not only did Jan never tell Tye about me, she never introduced me to her younger son  Neil, who worked at the burger joint. When Neil  and Tye’s daughter asked If she broke up with Tye for some one else, Jan lied, and said there is on one else.
    This is the story she told me, could be another lie, I don’t know. Jan did not want her son putting me on face book, Tye would find out about me. Jan does not want Tye ,or her son too know about me. I wanted to show Jan off to every body.
  • In contrast, Jan’s older son West,  is the keeper of all her secrets, including me. { And all the men before me? } Also, Tye is almost old enough to be Jan Snows father.
  • Strange, Jan had the nerve to accuse me of hitting on twenty somethings, when I give out my card trying to sell my you tube songs. No twenty something is going to go out with me at fifty eight. But it was alright for her to be with an old guy.
  • Another unusual thing, January never took a single picture of any place we went, or of me, or of us together. I didn’t notice this till later in the relation ship.  Something else that was a red flag I didn’t see. When I was with Jan, her phone would ring, she would look at the screen, press a button, not take the call. She would say it was her son, and she’ll call him later. I believe I was not the only man in picture.   I wanted a relationship and some one I could go places, and do things with. Some one I could trust. This would prove to be a problem. I had stumbled into a players secret world, and I had become January’s newest secret, in a web of lies and deceit.
  • I took Jan to the cranberry festival,  and she got mad cause I talked to the D.J. and the woman from the country station. I wasn’t hitting on her either.  She was probably  mad because I Was talking to the girl in band to!  And I wasn’t ignoring Jan. It was her paranoia, her imagination, her mistrust.  I trusted her when we were apart, and when she went on long company trips. I wonder if she did the one nite stranger thing, when away from me. No honesty there.
  • She had never been too King Richards fair, I took her. Jan it seams can’t go any place with out getting mad at me. I wore a joke shirt I had made to see if any one got the riddle. She didn’t like the shirt. January wasn’t impressed with the fair. Rain forced us to seek shelter. I started talking to a early twenty something life long fair rat, about the fair,  and my daughter who works there. Next thing I know January is incredibly mad, and wanted to leave early. there was a big fight in the car.
  • Jan accused me of hitting on the twenty something girl. This girl was so pretty she would not have gone out with me if I was her age.
  • I live in an R rated , Adam Sandler movie world. My jokes and story’s are intended to be as close to inappropriate as I can get with out going over board. Jan is living in a 1962 Disney movie, and can’t handle the heat. Every thing is inappropriate to her. She ruined my day at the fair.
  • Next up, we went to a benefit, and January got bent out of shape cause I gave a woman who went to my high school my card.  I have a song about school on you tube,  I had  told her about. I never asked the woman for her name,  address, or phone no. , but I was hitting on her. I wasn’t. I wish I had now, she was hot .I was getting tired of explaining that I’m not hitting on any one, and have no reason too. I gave my card to men as well.
  • My two divorce’s, left me in big trouble. I  can’t afford to keep my own house, and I have nothing to retire on. I need A break as a writer.  that why the you tube videos.
  • Jan was like a sheltered child, and I tried, to show her the world.
  • January loves too go out for breakfast. On november, 4, 12. I brought her to a different restaurant, she had never been to before. The hostess liked my shirt, I was telling the hostess about some of my other shirts. I have one that says, marriage! not now I have a headache. The girl was in her early twenty’s and would, never date me. And I wasn’t hitting on her . I got hell for that. Please, I need Prozac to deal with this.
  • Every year the first Sunday in November, there is a train show I go to. January had never been to one. she was surprised by how many people were there, and how many model trains were available. Jan bought a couple of Box cars. Baby Ruth, and Gerber baby food.
  • There was an old guy selling miniature neon signs. One sign was for Clark candy bars. Jan loved it, but didn’t buy it. I would have, if I had the extra money. Sorry I can’t tell why she liked the sign. I managed to survive the train show with out being crucified.
  • We made it there most of November with out a problem. Jan was staying over almost  every night. It felt like we were A real couple, almost like we were married.  And I actually thought about it.
  • I love Christmas lights. One of my favorite places is Eda ville rail road. Seven million lights, twelve rides, a two and a half mile ride on a two foot gauge train. you have too see it to believe it. Christmas music playing every where. I had to bring January. She was cold, wouldn’t go on the rides, she liked the train ride cause the cars had heat. I go there three or four times each Christmas.  Jan said she wouldn’t go there again. I was disappointed. I did not do any thing to make her mad that night. I have been taking my brother  and his kids to Eda ville, for four years.  The kids love it. He loves to take pictures. When he tried to take pictures of Jan and my self together,  Jan turned away every time.
  • At this point January had a monopoly on all my spare time. I was in love with her and didn’t mind. I love to go to the movies, and couldn’t git there. Seams the only time Jan gos to the movies, is when shes dating someone new. Funny, she named movies she had seen at the theater, before she met me.  That leaves me to wonder who she went to those movies with? We were not new, any more, and Jan wouldn’t go with me.
  • It has occurred to me,  the possibility  I was not the first time January cheated on Tye.   And If  Tye  moved down here,  or Jan back to castle, she wouldn’t be able to date around. Later, at the end, Jan would refer to me as a fling. I’m wondering, how many flings, came before me.
  • I bought Jan a nice Christmas card, To my sweet heart, with love. I bet she threw it out, because it was evidence of me. remember I’m a secret!
  • Jan liked to spend money. she bought me, sheets, pillow cases, a comforter, welcome mat, bath mat, towels, hiking boots, a coat, food, the tab in a restaurant. January wanted to buy me a flat screen T.V. I would not let her.  I started to feel like A Gigolo. { At the end, she wouldn’t take anything back. }
  • I thought she was perfect for me. Close to my age, pretty, kids grown up, her own house, car, money, a Vermont farm girl, good values, smart, but not the I’m too good to need a man woman I usually meet. Honest, and in love with me. Jan doesn’t smoke, do drugs, never drinks more than two beers. perfect!
  • Thanks giving eve,  I stayed over her house, it was only the second time. Jan said she felt funny about having me over night, if her secret keeping son  west, was there. I stayed till twelve noon, she watched the parade with me. guess I had to leave before her younger son Neil,  came over.  She had to hide me, her secret!
  • A fortress full of minuet men couldn’t protect me from what was to come.
  • January spent the rest of the week end at my house. Sunday, November 25, 12 . I had some thing special planed. It would turn into a day I will regret, for the rest of my life!
  • There is a country themed restaurant that is hard to get into, I planed to be there before it opened. We were the first customers. Lunch went well, January liked  the place,  and the food. I got in trouble for talking to the guy clearing the tables about music.  I gave him my card. On the way out, I recommended some new country singers too the Waite staff, cause they liked country. They were females. All too young for me, I was being nice, not hitting on them.  The accusation, came anyways.
  • In the 1960’s, there was an enchanted village, at Christmas time,  in Jordan Marsh in Boston. It’s now in Jordan’s furniture in Avon mass. It’s been restored. I love it. January had never seen it, so I had to bring her there. We waited in line  for an hour. I stated talking too the guy behind me . he had three young children, and also played Guitar. I gave him my card. { I would later get accused  of hitting on his wife . I did not! }  we finally got  to the Village.  They take your picture before you go in. Jan and I posed.
  • I’m always thrilled to see the Village. I’ll go three times each Christmas.  January was Luke  warm  towards it. The store also has A Christmas lazer lite show, one of the songs is Wizards in winter, by T.S.O. Her favorite song, from Xmas lite’s gone wild.
  • When we were in line for tickets, there was A young woman behind us with an eight year old boy. She was very upset  that the  movie ride was sold out for hours in advance, and it  took her forty five  minuets to get there.  I bought tickets, Jan and I went to the lite show.  Jan actually  liked the lite show.  thank god! I wanted to buy the picture they took of us, Jan wouldn’t let me.
  • Again, no evidence I ever existed!
  • They make you pass threw the furniture displays to get back to entrance. Jan bought A half dozen muffins and coffee. what happened next, was me being A nice guy and, absolutely nothing more.
  • While Jan was fixing her coffee, the young woman who had been in line behind us for tickets, passed by. I had kids, and experienced  their disappointment. I asked the woman, { the girl in the green dress, as she would become known as. } if she had made it on the movie ride. she said no. I told her to come back after Christmas, there will be no line. And take your son to Eda ville rail road, and La Salette  shrine for the Christmas lights.  I asked were she lived as A point of reference. I said  that’s  not that far, I drive  that  far to work every day.
  • The girl in the green dress, was too young for me, I never asked for her name, address, or phone no.  I never gave her my card! And I never saw her again. I saw A woman with A child and tried to be helpful, nothing else.
  • Jan was there, I did nothing  behind her back. I did nothing that could be mistaken for hitting on, or cheating. Nothing I’m ashamed of, or needed to apologize for. My act of kindness, turned into my dooms day.
  • The ride home was horrible.  I was trapped in the car with A monster, and couldn’t escape. January insisted that I had hit on the guys wife, and that I had hit on the girl in the green dress. Now I wish I had, maybe she would appreciate me. The fight went on all night, Jan would not listen to reason.
  • I was so mad, that when we went to bed, I would not hug her, kiss her, touch her. I wouldn’t kiss her in the morning.  That was a mistake.
  • When I got home, Monday night, I waited to call Jan. She informed me she wasn’t coming over, but she had left her pillow at my house. I needed to go to the store, and snidely, asked, is there any thing else you want back! Well, now that you mention it. I said, are you breaking up with me? Jan said , well I was going to wait till Wednesday to tell you. I said you can  get it over with now!  When I dropped off her pillow,  she said, I can’t handle that thing you do,  talking to other people, and I replied, I can’t have you freaking out every time I take you some where for no good reason.
  • Jan said we can still be friends, and that I could call any time.  We talked on Wednesday night, I apologized for being so mad Sunday and Monday morn, and  could explain every incident she brought up. and why I did and said what I did. And Jan admitted, I had not  done anything  wrong.  The wedge was already in place.
  • We talked on Thursday, I told her she could  come over any time  she wanted to. Friday, Jan left A message that she wanted to come over Sunday
  • December 2, 12. I thought  she was coming to pick up her things she had left here. I had bought the third T.S.O. c.d., so I bought  A stocking and candy, and made her A Christmas stocking, and gave it to her. No one had given her a Xmas stocking sense she was eight. I took two pictures of Jan! The only pictures I ever got of her.
  • Next thing I know, Jan was back in my bed. We talked every night on the phone, Jan told me she was going to see what was out there. I did not take it seriously. She was already home with me and didn’t need any body else. I thought she could see that. We talked on the phone every night. Jan did not sleep over during the week anymore, I would find out why later.
  • Jan came over the next weekend too,  I  thought we would be alright.
  • Sunday Dec, 9, 12. I brought her to La Salette shrine, Jan had never been there, and liked it. They add more lights each year. On that way home, we stopped at Taunton green, it always has A nice display.  Then came back to my house.
  • I was trying to change for her, and did not do anything to make her mad at me. there was hope. We talked by phone every night. I made it clear to Jan, I would change, but she would have to meet me half way. she had to change also. We could have made it work.
  • On Saturday, Dec 15, 12,  she brought me coffee. Saturdays she would baby sit her grand son, Sparky.  Jan had been bringing  Sparky to my house to play in my back yard all fall. I have swings that are sixteen feet from the ground, a See Saw, a tire swing, Twelve feet, and a eighteen foot long play ground slide from a drive in.
  • Later Saturday,  January came to my friends Christmas party, with her grand son. we had A good time. the kid rolled on the floor, and she had to wash his cloths.  People at the party commented on how much she seamed to be in love  with me, and how happy we looked together. I made  a point of staying by Jan’s side, the whole time she was at the party. I avoided talking to anybody, if I could. I wanted to show her I could do this for her. I was trying to change for her, but she had to change too, meet me half way. that wouldn’t happen.
  • When the boys mother picked him up, Jan came over, and spent the night. We went to breakfast Sunday morning, and she stayed over Sunday night. We were back to normal.
  • January went shopping Monday night, Dec 17, 12,  I went to a movie, she would not go to see with me.  Remember, Jan dose not like to go to the movies, unless she’s dating some one new. But Jan met me at the mall at 8:30. we had pizza, and talked. January went to Macy’s, I went to Yankee candle. There was A candle she picked out  of the catalog, whiskers on kittens.  I bought it for her. I was looking for A Johny  Rivers c.d. for Jan, with the song Summer rain on it. I could not find it. And I didn’t get into any trouble, I didn’t make her mad.  I thought things  were looking good and we would be alright.
  • We went back to my house, Jan spent the night. I could not have known it would be the last time. I woke up with A cold  A week till Christmas. Just my luck.
  • That was Tuesday Dec, 18, 12. We talked that night, but she wouldn’t come over, cause she didn’t want to get sick.   A note. Jan is going for Surgery next year, 2013, that will make her so sexy, she will be able to get a  new boy friend every week end, L.O.L.   She would be four to six weeks of recovery. No Sex at all.  { what guy is going to be faithful for that long!   I hope he isn’t. } The procedure  won’t be for me and I won’t get to see it. This will make sense, soon.  I loved Jan and thought she was perfect the way she is, I couldn’t see why this was so important.  Was it ego, self esteem, insecurity.  Or to be a more desirable player, to get men easier.
  • January gave me A pretty  Christmas card, that says, there is no one else like you. I took this card to mean that January  really loved me. And I had nothing to worry about.
  • Some thing else that happened, when Jan broke up with me Nov 26, 12, her secret keeping son West,  put her on A dating website.  That’s the story she told me. Guys on those sites are desprite,  hunters, predators,  or treat woman like used cars, every woman is different, and these men are trying to see how many they can test drive.  Its a  game and I’m not like that.  When January told me about the website, I thought it was a  joke. She was sleeping with me. I figured she  might window shop, realize  these guys are womanizing losers, that she wouldn’t want, and that I was a long term sure thing, and I had nothing to worry about. Jan dated behind my back, like A sneak. During the week. I wonder how many dates she didn’t tell me a bought, and how many of them got lucky? If any.
  • Funny she would tell me about some of them.  There were losers, old guys looking for A replacement wife, younger men looking for A mommy for their kids. Jan said these guys are making you look real good. So I wasn’t worried.
  • On Wednesday night Dec, 19, 12. I called January,  left A message. She called me back, said she was on a date, and didn’t like the guy. All he did was talk a bought his wife and the divorce he was going through. They had been to dinner, and she was driving to the movies in Foxboro. January  called me after the movie, and talked to me all the way home. she saw Argo, A movie she would not go see with me. Remember, Jan doesn’t like to go to the movies, unless shes dating some one new.   She told me the guy talked threw the whole movie, and she didn’t like him.  Remember,  she didn’t like him!  January thought it was funny, that this guys night mare wife is named Holly. I have a Holly I wish I never met, from my teens. From the story he told her over dinner, Jan  said this Holly sounded just like my second wife, crazy! I ask you, what kind of a woman sneaks dates behind your back, then tells you a bought them? This makes no sense!
  • We talked on Thursday night, Friday night, I still had A cold, or she would have come over. Dec 21, 12 was my birthday, and the world didn’t end.
  • Jan and I had plans for the weekend. She was to come over Sat night. and we were going to A movie Sunday night, and stay over.  Out for breakfast Monday morning, and spend Christ mas eve together. I was going to make breakfast Christmas morning. We had already talked about New Years eve.
  • I talked to Jan Saturday morning, she brought me coffee, around 12:15.  She  asked me to check  the air in her tires. Jan had A strange look on her face, like some one forced  to, or a bought to, make A bad decision, or torn by what to do.
  • I called Jan around 3:00, with regard to Saturday night. { She was excited cause she didn’t have to baby sit her grand son Sparky,  that Saturday. }  For the first time ever, Jan got mad  at me on the phone she yelled I’m doing my hair!  Why is she doing her hair! A  feeling of dread came over me. I called her around 4″30, To apologize, and Jan Got mad at me again. I can’t talk I’m on A date, and I’m trying to find the place. You can imagine how I felt, we had plans. Where did this date come from? Suddenly I was scared, afraid of where the date was going. I said in panic, I’m trying to keep you, your husband never tried as hard as I am to keep you! Jan replied, I know! My plea didn’t make any difference.
  • she never called me back that night. She knew she was going on the date, when she brought me coffee. Want A sneak! I went by her  house around A  11″30, and there was a strange car in the yard, no lights on. The car was a gold Mopar, parked on the lawn, I didn’t see the no. plate.
  • I couldn’t sleep all night. Jan went on a date, Wed Dec 19,  the day after she slept with me,  And brought A stranger home for the night, Sat Dec, 22.  five days after being with me.
  • I had to go to break fast Sunday morning, with family. I didn’t really  enjoy it. when I got home, I left Jan a message. she didn’t call back. I left three more messages, spread out between after noon and evening. I went to the movie by my self.
  • Around,  11″00 Sunday night, I went by her  house, and the strange  car was still in the yard. Another night I couldn’t sleep!
  • At 11:03,   Monday morning, Christmas eve, January called to tell me she was breaking up with me for,  A  fly by night, man from Maine, traveling gigolo, Who was just looking for an easy piece of ass, pit stop, when he comes down to Boston on a business trip! And she gave it to him!  On the second date!  A total stranger!  The womanizer from hell! She should have seen him coming! He lives  four hours drive north of here.  { maybe this is A lie too, the from Maine part.  Or the distance is shorter than she told me.} I remember something about no more long distance relation ships!  It gets worse, hes the guy she didn’t like from Wednesday night.
  • Why is A guy who lives three and A half hours north of Boston, looking for A woman down here. If he can’t find A date up in Maine, there must be some thing wrong  with him. And with all the woman in the world, why my girl friend? I bet hes just playing her, and he has a girl friend in Maine. He must have got her drunk, and she got stupid. They ruined my week end, and Christmas.
  • The world didn’t  end  on 12, 21, 12.      But my world ended  on Dec, 24 ,12.    Thanks Too a woman who played me till I was all played out ! And a thoughtless philander from Maine, who should have found A slut or two in his own back yard. January told me, shes the  Queen of the quickie, { could imply she’s not  Innocent she claims to be . }  she should have said shes the Queen of the lies.  She lied to Tye,  she lied to her younger son Neil,  she lied to me.  she never told Tye , or Neil  about me.
  • she  never told man from Maine about me, or that she was with  me the week end before. five days before! she lied to him before she ever went on A date with him. he got, what he wanted at my expense,  and  rushed back to his other girl friend with out spending Christmas eve with her . I cant wait for him to dump her. All the accusations, thrown at me, Jan turned out to be the cheater! She is the one who couldn’t be trusted.  It was as if she let her ex husband break us up, out of paranoia. Cheat on me, break up with me, before I could break up with her! she had the nerve to say I was a nice fling! This was never a fling to me, it was love!
  • she owes me an apology, not I’m sorry, but Gary , I love you.  Jan should look in the mirror and say, I’m in love with Gary, but sleeping with a stranger from Maine.
  • What is wrong with this picture. I never did anything, that would constitute being cheated on, or being dumped like this, or the fights.  No legitimate reason!  Cruelty is not dead, it comes from your girl friend on Christmas Eve! It comes from being cheated on, then dumped!  Its possible I have discovered January  has A Mod-us  Operand i, in regards to men.  I just became the newest victim!
  • There are two famous Quotes, the pen, is mightier  than the sword. And, I fear we have awakened A sleeping  Giant!  And I’m awake! And I’m mad!
  • I had to insist that Jan came over my house, to get her Christmas presents. I wanted her to face me!  I didn’t spend much, the Yankee Candle, she picked out. The first, and second T.S.O. Cd’s, A box of ribbon candy, some soap, and mix of lose candy I knew she likes. She seamed really pleased about what I gave her. For a moment, she was still mine.
  • I warned her about bringing strangers home, and being safe and careful. { maybe I should be warning the strangers about Jan! }  I asked if she told man from Maine a bought me, she said no. Are you going to tell Tye and Neil  about man from Maine, she said no. I asked why? Jan said too many questions. { This story was born on November 29. That is why I asked those Questions. } There is A pattern.  I  pointedly, asked January, you keep telling you like me. she replied,  I do do like you. I said,  when I look at your  face, I can tell you love me. Why have you never said it to me? Her reply, its not in my nature to say it. Such A strange  way to admit  the truth.  If you love me,why are we breaking up? Why are you sleeping with some one else. Our problems  are minor compared to most couples.  there was nothing so bad we couldn’t work it out. people look for love and never find it, we have it! Jan gave up on us with out trying! I never gave up on Jan, or us.
  • I was crying most of the time January was in my kitchen. She was trying to show no emotion. The look on her face was ,  ” I made A big miss take, but its to late to turn back now”!  If you never do some thing stupid, you never have  to turn back! Or regret.
  • Jan told me, no one before me had ever, hugged her, kissed her, fawned over her, before me. {probably  A lie! }  Jan said, man from Maine does, he’s just like you.  you dumped me for A man who’s just like me!  But lives four hours away? I asked what are you going to do, if he has an other girl friend in Maine? Her reply,  I’ll take my chances.  she would never put up with that from me!
  • January  even lies to her self!  Shes lying to her self! This almost makes sense.  Jan can’t say shes sorry, can’t say I  love you, and she can’t cry! And can’t be honest with her self, or a boy friend.  Jan is so insecure, she can’t  believe any man could  actually love her, and stay by her side. Jan is so afraid of commitment, she can’t make one, and runs, if a man wants one. Man from Maine will never give her a commitment, and she is not in love with him, so its safe.
  • I  told January, If the man from Maine dumps you, I’ll take you back. And  I meant it! But only if your going to stay for good this time! No dating, no cheating behind my back. Taking Jan back would be a mistake. she proved I can’t trust her, she would do the same thing all over again, and dump me again!  Jan would never  go back to the same fling twice.  Even if shes in love with me.
  • I never would have done to her, what she did to me Christmas week end. I,  never in good con-chance, could ever! break up with anyone on Christmas Eve
  • I stood on the steps, totally in tears, and watched as Jan backed out of my driveway. Jan never took her eyes of me till her car was out of site! Jan left me,  A man she is in love with, for A man she isn’t in love with.  Jan left A man who loves her more than she will ever know. For A traveling sales man player, who will never love her Or hang around for long.
  • We had four months, To know we can get along. but January said that, her and the fly by night  romeo had more in common with her, on the basis of two dates, and A weekend of shacking  up, and they liked computers.  There  will always be four hours of distance between Jan and man from Maine, even when they are together.  It’s  a  matter of time before he  gets tired of driving four hours each way, to spend less than two days together,  and five days apart. Or she gets mad at him, like she did to Tye and me.  Somebody will get dumped!
  • January sold me the sweet and innocence story, and I believed it. I’m a fool! I kept asking Jan, where did learn to kiss so good? She said I don’t know. Well it wasn’t from sitting home watching T.V. !  Must have been flings!
  • And so much for still being friends! a B.S. line . She said I changed her life, another break up line.  And I can’t sleep with two men at the same time. More lies!
  • I’m so mad at man from Maine for stealing my girl! I,m mad at my self for not doing more to make her stay! In the end it’s January’s fault! She knew what she was doing, the first time she invited me home. she knew what was doing when she dated behind my back, and didn’t tell  them a bought me. she knew what she was doing when she brought man from Maine home. To not tell us we are being played, and are just flings is a crime. I can’t blame  man from Maine.
  • No matter what Jan does,  I will  always be in the back of her mind!
  • The flurry’s of love  turned into A storm, I wish I could have avoided.  You cant control who  you are attracted to, or who you fall in love with. And you can’t count on the other person to do the right thing!!! You can’t count on them to be faithful.
  • My story has turned into a novel, from a break up expos a. I thought I was done writing.
  • Detectives  solve crimes by letting clues manifest in to solutions. there is a lot of speculation on my part, I don’t know what the truth is.
  • This is a theory. I speculate that man from Maine, lives in Maine, but works in Boston area, or is in the Boston area a lot during the week. stays in the area at night,  And gos back to Maine on the weekend. I further speculate, that Jan met him back in November on the web,  And may have been seeing him the week nights she didn’t sleep over my house, maybe before the Nov, fight. she may have broke up with me Nov 26, 12. to be able to spend more time with him, by breaking up with me, and blaming me for it. I couldn’t know she slept with him during the week, he would never know she slept with me on the week end. her cake and eat it too! Until, Christmas  week end.  Man from Maine wanted to spend the week end with Jan, she couldn’t do it with out me finding out a bought him. It put her in a catch 22. She couldn’t break up with him with out answering a lot of questions. She was forced to brake up with me, and ruined the cushy set up she had going. there was a change in some thing in our  sexual  relationship that should have tipped me off she was sleeping with some one else to. I missed it. Wednesday Dec, 19, 12, when she called me from the date, it was a smoke screen! If she told me she didn’t like  the guy, I wouldn’t suspect anything was going on. When January called me, and talked to me all the way home from Foxboro,I was giving her directions. when she got almost home, she suddenly said, I’ve got to go, and never called me back. the whole time we talked during her drive home, man from Maine was following her! If I had gone by Jan’s house Wed, Dec 19, 12. I would have found his car in her yard. If I had gone by her house, every week nite, I would have found  his car more times than I want to think a bought. Or maybe someone else s.  she had the two of us fooled. I was led to believe the break up was my fault, when I was just being played. This is purely speculation, and may not be in any way true. Fact  is , out of this whole story, I have no idea what the truth is.
  • In epilog, men and woman who are players, should tell you up front. And give you a chance to run like hell, know you are going to be used, and then dumped. Or require a doctors care. And know,  never to fall in love with a player. a player with an insatiable appetite for sex, and a vendetta toward men. because her husband lied, cheated, and dumped her. She lets you think your in a relation ship, then  she sabotages it, so she has an excuse to cheat on you, then dump you. She’s become, just like her ex-husband, and doing what  Her ex did to her, what she hates about him!
  • Her  heart is as cold as January ice.
  • I was looking for love, all I got was a Snow Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • If you like this story.  If you have been lied to, cheated on, used, and dumped. Tell your friends on face book. I will be most grateful.
  • I didn’t write this story out of malice, or to be vindictive. I wasn’t looking for revenge or sympathy. there are so many things wrong with this picture, I just thought the story needed to be told. You can make up your own mind .
  • If I’m wrong a bought her, I will owe an apology. If I’m right, and shes a player who lied to me and used me . Jan owes me an explanation.
  • Any time Jan accused me of hitting on woman, I told her I could never find a woman to cheat on her with. I also told Jan, if she broke up with me, I might never find another girl friend. It’s been over five weeks sense she cheated on me, and dumped me. No dates , no girl friends! Jan didn’t believe me. But I knew.

    It is now June 2014, a year and a half after she dumped me on Christmas eve. I feel guilty for writing this story. It would make a good movie, so I’m not going to erase it.
    It was a short bit of road between her house and mine. once and a while I go by her street, Near Monponsett. And the love I felt creeps back for a moment.
    There are times when I miss her, hate her, and times when I hope
    January drowns in lake Monponsett. I die when I see a Honda like
    she drove. I wonder if she is still with the guy from Maine. I hope he broke her heart. I have not seen or heard from her, sense I got dumped. She came from Washington county Vermont, to Vergennes
    city, to Castle New York, to Plymouth County Mass, Just to break my heart, and shatter my world. I have not found a new girl friend yet.
    I eat a lot of Vermont ice cream trying to get over her. When she finally stops cheating, she will be buried near Ben and Jerry’s.

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The perks of being, different, missfit, wallflower

There is a bad habit of the Movie Industry, Of making A Movie and advertising It, And the Movie plays In Boston, never comes to a cinema close enough so you can see it. These Movies are often better than the so called block busters. I was lucky, one Movie, was A little out of the way, but close enough to see. I just came home from seeing, Perks of being A wallflower. If you had A really bad time in High School, or like A really well done Movie go see this one. { see it on DVD. }

Staring Emma watson, who really shines in this story. And, I”m too old too think she”s hot, but she is. I”m old but not blind. The story is about Charlie, A misfit with no friends, till some kids, who refer to them self’s as the island of misfit toys, let him in. The story is multiple layered, and well paced. It touched on many things High School kids go threw.

Often Your lot in High School, started In Elementary School. You get sorted out In A pecking order by bully”s, or the insufferable jerks. most times the people at the top of the pecking order, are not smart enough to be there. I was the invisible, no body, nothing. A few misfits for friends, A loner, no click”s, clubs, sports, no girls, no back seat Olympics, In short, I might as well have been dead. I did badly academically too. I”d do better now than I did then.

I just wanted too be A rock star, so every body would love me. I”m not good at guitar, or singing, that never happened. The girl of my dreams, ( now I know theirs no such thing.) was too good, too smart, too popular, too country club, silver spoon for me. In ninth grade, I was so In love with this girl, I could not do anything. She was going steady with A twelfth grader. He had A car and money, she had A good reason for him to hang around. I never had A chance. Be sides, I was scared to death of her, never asked her out. Thirty years later I ran into her In a store, she stabbed me in the back like every body said she would. she did me a  favor,  I got over her. School days are gone, along with all those self centered kids who did not care about me.

Two other Movies about growing up I recommend are, The art of getting by. the main teenager in the story, could be me. It”s a Good story. Moon rise kingdom. A look at two twelve year old”s, who are A little bit more grown up than adults give them credit for. Bill Murry, is the girls father, Bruce Willis, is A kind harted cop. I highly recommend the three movies. High School on the other hand, is over rated. The guys that Were cool, played sports, were getting the girls, had fun. The rest of us did not.

The bottom line is I survived. And I don’t need that school, or any of the people who were there. Of all the kids in the school, maybe ten of them  stay in contact with me. I wanted to write songs like the Beatles, school was where it started. I came away with a lot to write a bought.  If I ever make any money writing, I’ll owe it to a girl, and a place in time I hated.  If you like this story, If you had a bad time in school, tell your friends on face book a bought it.

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Saveing America.

The once proud republic of America. It,s Constitution, ripped apart, laws enacted to allow the corrupt to operate around it. The agendas, and money, special interests, operate out side the law. All while making more money, better benefits, than you and I will ever see. What we need is A revolutionary tea party! Lets throw all the Politicians in the ocean. Let them drown, Start over with some people who actually care. Power corrupts, and in our government, power has corrupted absolutely. You can,t spend more than you have, more than you can make. End of story! I go to work every day, I can,t be late, I can,t play golf on my bosses time. I can,t borrow money to pay my bills. This is an election year, and there is no one to vote for. At least last election, we had Mac,cane. This time, it,s lesser of two evils. Unfortunately, that is Romney. I certainly hope people vote smarter than they did four years ago. Or America won,t be here in four years, when you need it! When you let A pompous ass stay in office, practically for life, you might as well dump rum down the drain. And your money too! America is no longer, by the people, or for the people. Our government is as bad as The dictators and terrorists we spend billions fighting. The loss is we are not wining, just spinning our wheels! D.N.C. is A procedure to clean an infected womb. Dumber kroute nonsense convention! America needs less nonsense, and more colonial spirit. They once said, every body pulls their weight, our country club leaders, do not. And public figures, have forgotten, they work for the people, the taxed to death payer. When in America, speak English. And hope we never have to learn Chinese. I might be compelled to move to Moscow. They could be more American, than we are now. God bless America, until its gone.

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Krista Kelly.

Once In Awhile something incredibly cool happens. I went to see A show At the Comcast center In early June, There were two Up and comeing Acts on A side stage. The second Act made the biggest Impression. Krista Kelly clearly sparkled on stage, And her songs stood out. An unknown Artist singing original material people have not hear before Is A daunting task. I have A tee, shirt custom made, That says, Marriage! not now I have A headache! I Love too wear this shirt In A crowd, the reactions are priceless, And all over the map. I make my point, with out getting arrested. I was wearing that shirt, standing close too the stage. When Krista sang her song, Ive got an ex old man and an ex best girl friend, I was laughing and pointing at my shirt. Krista saw the shirt, and was laughing too. I could not get A lady pritty as Krista, too go for coffee with me, never mind indulge In marriage with me. It is hard too believe A Guy In his right mind would dump Her. It,s his lose, and A great song. After the show, I bought Her picture, stood In line too meet her, Krista signed It. we had A funny conversation, My shirt, Her song. I should have got her C.D., and I did,nt .I gave Krista My card, Told Her I have A divorce song on you tube. I hope She looked It up. I,m glad I met Krista, I hope she makes It big. It would be great too see Her again someday, And find out she remembers Me, and my crazy Shirt. Good Luck Krista, Luv, Gary, The Dreamer.

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Stories from the Outhouse! volume 1

This is a random set of jokes, anecdotes, observations and commentaries that may fall on the raunchy or less tasteful side. You have been warned…!

This is rated P.G. 13.
Check out story’s, vol 2 and 3.

These short story’s, are comedy.  They should not be taken seriously.  No bashing is intended.
The use of terms, wife, ex wife, girl friend, ex girl friend, man from Maine, my boss, are for story telling, and do not imply a real person inspired it! I’m not responsible for guilty persons!

I have been writing things down for over forty years. I have no audience, no publishing deal, no one to sell  C.D.’s too, even if I had the time and money too record one. This is my only outlet for my imagination. These story’s do not represent who I am as a person. Steven king writes horror stories, that doesn’t mean he’s a horrible person. Don’t judge me as a person by my art.
If you don’t have any Imagination, or a sense of humor, or understand satire, don’t read this. I’m making fun of Love, life, relationships, Divorce, woman,  and how we complicate simple things, that are meant to be free.

This post has been added to, on Feb 28, new material.
If you like these story’s, tell your friends on face book.

A friend of mine got a black, male pig. He named the pig Obama. I asked, “what are you going to do with A black pig named Obama?” My friend said, “I”m gonna Slaughter him In November!”

I have found two words too describe the state of the economy.
Barroke O’bummer! Thank you Mr. President.

I saw a bumper sticker, it had a picture of George Bush. The caption read, Do you miss me yet? This was priceless, and I laughed my butt off!

I’m enjoying the Obama Gate thing. I feel vindicated! I voted for Mc Cain, and Romney. I can now laugh at the fools who voted for the current Commander and Thief! Nixon, eat your heart out!

Obama Care! A scam, if the rest of us perpetrated, we would go to jail! Those who can afford Health Insurance, all ready have it.  Those of us who can’t afford Insurance, will be forced to buy a policy so filled with loop holes, red tape, clause’s, fine print, provisions, and deductibles, It will never pay a single claim. Leaving the policy holder, holding the bag for all Doctors, and hospital bills! All while being forced to pay the premium on the policy,  which is useless. Most of us can’t afford to take a day off to go to the doctor. Who makes out, the insurance company makes money, the drug company’s make money, the doctors and hospital make money. We, loose money, as planed in the scam!

We fought a war of Independence against England over being ruthlessly taxed. The I.R.S. is the biggest, most ruthless, power corrupts absolutely, branch of government in the U.S.A. Never ratified, the I.R.S. lives in the shadow between Illegal, and necessity! With absolute Gestapo like power, and terrorist style method’s, they hunt down people, and shake them down for their money!  It’s not hard too believe the I.R.S. would be used to target any body who disagrees with the current  regime in Washington D.C. People beware!

I need a tee shirt that says, Boston Strong! Washington D.C. weak!

I hate Hillery Clinton!  I voted for McCain,  I voted for Romney. But given the choice between  Barrack Obama, and Hillery Clinton, I would have voted for  Clinton!

I was at a Fair in New Hampshire, and saw a tee shirt that said,  Charlie Sheen,  and Lindsey Lohan for president! I laughed my butt off! They couldn’t have done any worse than Obama. What made it funnier, was the sex scene with Sheen and Lohan in scary movie 5.

My love life Sucks. My love life is virtually non existent. I’ve come To the conclusion, that every Woman I date, must be A Dixie Chick! They just. Don’t. Believe… In BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A very Attractive early twenties woman was complaining that guys are always trying to look up her skirt. This Is normal behavior for guys. As long as a lady Isn’t doing a split without panties on, you can’t see anything. The next day, she went out in an Itsy Bitsy French Bikini! You couldn’t hide a dime In that thing! No skirt, no more problem!

I want a tee shirt that says “I love Pink too. So stop teasing me, and do something about It!” And a shirt that says “Make Love to me, not your cell phone.” And “Grade eight Wench Wrench, free loaner!”

My boss thinks he’s a mighty Hunter. He’s got the hat, gloves, boots, camouflage suit, guns, ammo, bow, arrows, stand In the tree. He talks a good game, but I’ve never seen him shoot anything. One day my boss asks me, “Gary, have you ever smelled A dead Beaver?” I said “nope, wife wouldn’t let me get close enough!” (P.S. This is a true story.)

My boss wants to drop a house on his Wife. He says he can make A fortune, selling the Ruby Slippers!

My boss says, I should have known I was in trouble on the day of my marriage, when my bride to be showed up at the church with a Limo driver on a Stretch Broom!

My boss married the Star and the Captain, of the High School kick ball team. He didn’t realize how good she was, till he tried to divorce her!

It Is always better to have a John Deere Tractor than a Dear John Letter.

What is the difference between a man, and a broom? No witch has ever had an allergic reaction to riding a broom!

The only criminal activity I’ve been involved with in recent years, was my divorce. It was a crime what that court did to me!

I miss having a wife on the really hot days.  When I had a wife I could count on the bed room to be freezing cold! I never need an air conditioner!

Girls don’t have to play nice, cause they have all the power! and guys can’t have any of it!

Insanity is dating someone new, an expecting things to turn out different!

There’s a fine line between being a lady, and making a guy wait so long he gives up. No body wins when a guy gives up.
Crazy is, when a woman who has never been a lady a day in her life, makes you wait forever, to get to the  intimate phase of the relationship!

My criminal record is a thorn in my side. The only time in my life when I’ve been in trouble with the law, was when I was married to my alcoholic, bad attitude, want to fight all the time wife.

My grand father told me he had a 57 Buick with dual air bags. I said grandpa, that’s not possible, they didn’t start making air bags till the 1990’s. Grandpa said yes I did have dual air bags, my wife and my mother in law!

Teenagers, we were back seat sinners, trying to make the grade.    We were back seat sinners, trying not to get caught! We were teenagers, trying to have fun, hoping we wouldn’t get knocked up.  We were back seat sinners, hiding under the cover of darkness.      We were back seat sinners, doing our home work, learning our lessons about kissing and loving, the hard way!

If Sex was money, woman would want to do it, and spend it,  all the time!

Girls give guys, hard feelings!

I placed a mass-a-kiss, on your apolcal-lip’s!

You can find me at Plenty of disappointment.com.

There is nothing worse than the fear that your last girl friend, is going to be your last girl friend ever!
There is nothing worse than the fear that the last time you made love, is the last time you will ever make love!
Girls being in total control over those situations, will never have those fears.

I love making deposits, at the bank of Venous.

Men are from Mars, and love sex. Woman are from Venous, and hate penis!

I need an Insurance policy, that would replace a, cancelled, Totaled, or stolen relationship!

I liked playing doctors when I was a kid, we had fun, never got caught, never told our parents, the girls were willing, I never got threatened with a restraining order. Life was good!
Things are different with woman. If you try to play Doctors with a woman, It’s going to cost you money, and your going to need a Lawyer! And you will probably regret it.

Life just ain’t fair, A famous singer, Marries A famous Actress, who is wicked hot! I can’t get a date!
An old guy who owns a foot ball team, has a hot young girl friend. And I can’t get a date!
An old ugly rocker, has a babe half his age and gorgeous. And I can’t get a date.
some old politician has a gorgeous wife, and a hot hot girl friend. And I can’t get a date!
Some jerk has my girl friend on horizontal hold, and I still can’t get a date!

My ex girl friend has C. R. M. Can’t remember me!

She left me for another offer, not a better offer.

Your Fish, is my Command!

I’ve got a big crush on JUNK! I need a tee shirt that says, I Love Junk! Or show me your Junk! Junk rules my heart, Junk rules the world. I love magic Junk. Junk is magic. Hey lady, can you sport me some junk. A little junk never hurt anybody! Junk is never inappropriate. Junk is normal and natural. Junk should be easy to get. There is more Junk, than there are men. Supply, supply, supply! Let there be Junk. I love junk food.
I LOVE MAGIC JUNK!

It’s better to be a trophy boy friend, than to have no woman at all!

I would never throw a woman out of my room, for eating Lay’s chips in bed!

If you make love to a man with a broken heart, It will heal. Volunteers will go to heaven.

I don’t want to pay convenience store price’s for love!

Unfortunately, most men will never be able to compare their wife or girl friend to Linda Lovelace.  And most woman  will never try to be Linda Lovelace, even if it would make their man happy! A woman is always looking for a man she can call deep pockets!

My ex girlfriend redefined the words easy, cheat, lie, back stabber!  she also redefined the word hurt.
She wrote  the Dick-tionary of cheating!

A woman never keeps the little pink promises she makes.

Grand theft girl friend! A thief will never under stand the repercussions of stealing your girl. The hurt and the heart ache he causes.

I need a Genie, to grant me three fish wishes!

Home plate is guarded by the devils Angels, and they won’t let a man get on base!

I love Cat surfing! Cat surfing makes my nights Purrrrrfect!

A Mans Marital Miranda Rights.
You have the right to remain silent. If you choose not to remain silent,  your in big trouble! Your wife is the law now.
Every thing you say and do, can and will be used against you in divorce court! Count on it!
You have the right to an Attorney, If you can not afford one, heaven help you! It won’t matter, cause her Attorney is better, and she is going to win, no matter what.
You have the right to make one phone call, but why bother!
You have the right to be thrown out of your house, and slapped with a restraining order, at any time, for no reason at all, with no warning.
You have the right to know, that once Married, you don’t own anything, and you have no rights at all! No love making allowed!

I painted myself into the corner of a relationship. She played, while I couldn’t get out!

A cradle rocking, rocket man!

The Devil has a harem, and he added my girl friend to it! The Devil won’t let her go.

A man will go crazy dealing with a creature, born with a split personality.

The lies, the witch, the cheater. I had my own personal Snow Queen. She left my perfect world barren, and shrouded in ice.

If I could have Rowe and Wade, erase all the feelings I have for you.

Maybe I’ll be over you by next Christmas Eve. At least you won’t be around to ruin Christmas, like you did last year. Last Christmas Eve will live forever, as the day you broke my heart. When you dumped me for that Internet romeo, from the land of misfit toys. In the months we spent together, we were closer than most married couples. The love we had was the greatest gift, your six figures could not buy at any store. You returned the love on Christmas Eve, with out logical explanation! For a fling without love or zing, with a stranger, internet, misfit toy!

What do the movies Ted, and Oz the great and powerful have in common?  Mila Kunis, got to be a witch in bolth movies!

I always get the soap opera woman! I never get normal ones.

I’m truly baffled by why woman who are only looking for a platonic buddy, would bother to date a man. when a man dates a woman, platonic is no wheres near his mind! Men are always seeking a lover. This is very normal. Platonic buddy dates, are not!

When a woman says, not tonight I have a head ache, she means, not tonight, not next week, not next month, not next year!  What she really means is never!

It is not easy being a man. And having a gun that reloads It self automatically, no mater how many times you shoot it. The worst part is, the target a man has to shoot at, runs too fast, and doe’s not want to be fired on! Target practice at the pink shooting range, has been put on moratorium!

They say practice makes perfect! So girls, how do you expect guys to get good, if you won’t let us practice!

It doesn’t matter how hot something is on the out side, if whats under the hood is no good!

I met her at the Traitor trading post, She led me down the path, letting me believe it was love! Then the Traitor from the trading post, traded me for a player traitor from the back woods of Portland. She cemented the deal by cheating on me like a traitor always will. Now they are Traitor and Traitor,  player and player, but will never be heart to heart. Here I walk back from the garden path, trying to get back to the trading post. Where I can trade in my broke heart, send it back to her, the traitorous host!

I wish there was a build a bare woman work shop. I could build any kind of woman I want! No one could take her from me!

I was pinch hitter for a player, then she jumped to an other team!

Going to bed hungry, with plenty of food in the house. With no girl friend, I go to bed hungry, and starve all threw the night, every night.

I’d rather have a player piano, than a player wife or girl friend. No one would be playing my piano when I’m not home, and a piano  never needs a night on the town to cheat.

A little advice for you guys.
Do not eat the Alimony pie! Stay away from the child support tunnel! And do not leave your D.N.A., anywhere it can come back to haunt you, or ruin your life!

What would you get if you crossed love stink’s with, the vagina monologs? I don’t know what too call it, but I wouldn’t stick my nose in it!

My boss says, if I sing at work he’s going to kill me. I think should sing all the time at work!

I’m not her tool of choice any more. She sure didn’t trade me for Snap on or Crafts man, she got less than made in china!

Make love, not war! This was a rally cry of the Hippies during the Vietnam war area. These days it should be the rally cry of the American marriage! Make love, not war!

She gave me three months of heaven, followed by three months of hell.  Trying to fall out of love, is the price I paid for a cheaters break up.

My girl friend Hooked up with a Professor Steffen Philanderer,  at the University of Cheating, in Harlot Maine.  He tutored her nights, and week ends, any chance he can get. He tutored her in the back seat, closet, the gym, on his desk, at his shack, all tuition free. Her first assignment was to cheat on me,  crush me, and dump me.  She passed her first assignment with flying colors. She will never fail the course, her ability to cheat is outstanding. She had accumulated  many credits before she met me. How can you fail, when your sleeping with the  Professor. She should be careful, she’s not the first fling he’s tutored, or used. He will hurt her. Thank you Steffen, thank you January Snow. You two cads, lairs, cheaters, deserve each other!

My Boss finally has a girl friend. I don’ want to say she’s fat, but all his friends are calling him Kermit!

Tonight I’m super, come unglued! I’ve got an ex girl friend, and a current broken heart. No matter how hard I try to stop them, there will be tears! next time I fall in love, maybe the woman will stay, and be faithful!

I’m so glad cars are not romantic! If I had to sweet talk, or wine and dine my car to get It started, I’d never get to work!

I need more sugar in my bed room, and less in my diet.

I saw a beautiful Princess in an Escalade. I know this Prince, and his white horse, can’t afford her!

Three months without a girl friend for a guy, Is like one hundred years of a woman , going with out , make up, money, cell phone, new dress, new shoes, vacations, dinner at a restaurant, a car, cheating, girls nite out, hair dresser, credit card! Try living with out all that stuff girls! see how it feels!

I need a woman who comes with a burning permit, I like to play with her fire!

I’m a taco pie guy.

Wife’s and girl friends, never wait for free agency. They just jump teams, and leave.

The Witches Of Celibacy.
There is this junk shop in a run down building, Where witches sell, magic wands, rocks, minerals, bracelets, pendants, charms, dream candles, herbs and female chauvinism.  The witches are phoney, and non of the junk they sell works! These witches are so anti love, anti men, anti sex, It’s pathetic. A man couldn’t get a date, or endearment in that store, with a million dollars, and a white horse! I think they worship false gods, Vestal, Medusa, Susan b. Anthony.
Do not waste your time stopping at this store, there is nothing worth wild here.  All good men, beware of The Witches Of Celibacy, no good will come this, you’ll find no love in that store.
Men, do not refer to a broom as a mode of transportation, you might  get killed by Phoney witches! It won’t be pretty!

My Bosses wife tried out for the part of the wicked witch of the west, in the new OZ movie. She was over qualified!

My Bosses wife Demanded he get her something really Expensive, that she would never forget!  So he gave her a Divorce!

You know your in trouble, when the Judge in your divorce, is nick named the terminator! And men are dead meat!

I’ve got love deficit disorder! It’s caused by no girl friends. My two wife’s caused this condition too!

There ain’t a dam thing lucky a bought being a man. There are no rewards, for being a guy, a husband, or a father.

A Sater could die of neglect in this day and age!

When I was a kid, there was a commercial. Lay’s potato chips, no body can eat just one! Well boys will be boys, and we use to say, A Woman, Is a lot like potato chips, no man can eat just one!

I’m having an out of your love life, out of your body experience.

Guys dream of taking a rocket to the moon, and exploring the perfect crater.

The girl was driving me plum crazy. Her Mini skirt was making me bananas. Her melons were making a point, twice. Peach insanity seduced me into madness. Until the night I shook the Cherry tree, now every thing will be alright.

I hate Anchovies! Once by accident, I ended up with a special pizza with anchovies on it. The anchovies smelled bad, they tasted bad! No one would eat it, I had to throw the pizza out! I hate anchovies! They remind me of my ex wives, and ex girl friends! I should have thrown them out!

She was a techie baby, the phone, the computer, the tab-late, the gadgets. She does not compute, when it comes to love.

Cheating doe’s not compute, that’s why woman do it. that’s why, my ex’s did it, that’s why woman are so good at it!

My friend says, I haven’t been punished enough. So he’s going to fix me up with his crazy, ex wife! He says she will push you over the edge. She will kill you !

P. M. S., So many definitions.
Pack my suitcase. Permanently mental syndrome. Pretty messy sex. Probably means stupidity. Pretty means stuck-up. Player meets stud. Pass me satisfaction. Pleasure my stick. Pepperoni meat slot. Pop my sanity.  Procure men’s safety.  Pass my slut. Protect men’s sexuality. Punish mean sisters. Premier master Split. Pussy miser statistics.  Potentially mastermind setup. Pandora’s misdevious sleeve. Prude monsters suck. Painful midol senorita. Prude’s masturbate secretly. Premadonnas mess-up sex-lives.  Persnickety Miami sexpot’s. Palimony melts sensuality. Peter meets Stevie.  Polished metal singer.  Play my symphony. Pro teen meaningless psychobabble. Prolonged metallic structure. Poughkeepsie mainline span. Paula munches Stefanie. Party mentality study’s. Petticoat madness situation. Pizza money spent. Perfect mental-case savant.  Prostitute money sleeps. Prostitute monopoly sucks.  Professor Maine steals.    Particularly mean Steven!

Ex girl friends. Curse them!
Betty
Ingrid
Tammy
Cindy
Hillery
Elisabeth
Sandy

Did you hear a bought the sweet, Innocent, farm girl?  She won the player of the year award! What a heart breaker.

Who put the Pink, in the Pink Cadillac? Why didn’t they save some for me?

When I got married, She went into a sexual comma, and never came out. The doctors could not find a cure. After I divorced her, she woke up from the comma, and was cured! It’s a  Miracle!

It’s so cold outside, It’s a three Babe night. No dogs needed!

She picks up all her new boy friends, at Gigolo’s R US!

I wish I was a witches broom! At least I would get ridden once in a while!

If anger was love, and hurt was pleasure, and bitterness was a lot of woman I made love to. I could die a happy man!

You know your getting old when, the Beatles are your favorite band, now you listen to country.
you know your getting old when, all the woman who are pretty, are too young for you!
You know your getting old when, you’ve turned into your father, and you said that would never happen!
You know your getting old when, you want to go home, go to bed, go to sleep, and do it all by your self!

Dain bread bail jait, are nothing but trouble!

If it’s a Secret, put some dam clothes on it!

Millions of Angels! Their job, is to keep men out of Heaven.

Girls are Prudes when it comes to sex, but exhibitionists when it comes to skimpy fashions!

A Trojan Heart.
I’ve had my heart broken many times. Every time it hurts, and takes a long time too heal. My heart needs protection, from pain, hurt, love, and being broken. If I wrapped my Heart in Plastic, Then I would not be able to feel A thing! Like kissing threw a plastic bag, It would be a Trojan Heart!  No woman could ever touch it!

Love is like booking passage on the H.M.S. Booty. You hope love will be bounty-full, And that there won’t be  any mutiny!

Wife’s and Tattoo’s cost a lot to get, hurt like hell, are impossible too remove, or get rid of, never really go away.

It’s really hard to forget, when the last gift she gave me for Christmas, was a broken heart! It’s the gift that has lasted all year. She took back the Love, the pretty paper it was wrapped in, and she took back the box it came in, and left me the broken heart!

An ounce of prevention, is worth millions of dollars of child support!

The difference between a Bikini, and a married man. A bikini comes in two pieces, A married man can’t even get one piece.

Humans mess up, and complicate. The best things in life that are intended to be free. Woman never live up to their physical or emotional potential!

Life begins on the other side of the Bikini line.

I am programed to be a male. This is normal, and natural. If you are not programed to be a female, that’s not my fault. The glitch is you. I understand what a male is,  and all that imply s!

I love Italian wedding soup, I hate weddings! they should make an American Divorce Soup. Bread and water, with a bitter seasoning, served cold. The divorce judge will take that away from you too!

Suicide!
Suicide is a long car, A tall cake, a white gown, a black tux, a Preacher, and a big party afterwards! Guys, don’t commit suicide!

I don’t understand why they still call them brides maids. Maids are virgins. Non of these brides maids have been virgins sense ninth grade!

Rock the fishing boat, In a Beaver skin coat!

I wish I was born a beautiful woman. I would have been very popular in Elementary  school. I would have had boy friends in Junior High. I would have been the most popular girl in High School. Lots of boy friends, and sex anytime I wanted it. As a woman I could get men anytime by snapping my fingers. I would never  have to spend a night alone, I would never have to know what it was like to not be able to get a date. I would never have to know it was like to live with out sex! If I was born a beautiful woman I’d have it all. But no I had to be born a male, cursed to live with out love and affection, no dates, no girl friends, no sex!

When I was  a kid, I worshiped guitar God’s, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton. Well now I’m old, but I still worship guitar God’s, Brad Paisley, and Kieth Urban.

The dating pool, It’s more like a cess pool!

Making love, gives a man a boat load of confidence. Making love cures depression. Making love stops hostility. Making love is the glue that holds the world together.

Next time a woman dumps me, she better use a gun! It will be faster, and hurt less.
I’ve had way too much Drama Trama.

Hey Guys, try to git a date! You’ll see that nothing runs from lov’in, like a Dear!

Marriage won’t work, cause men are like Republicans. They believe everybody works, You have to earn your keep, If you don’t put out any effort, you don’t get any thing. Peace, love, respect!
Woman are like Democrats. They feel like every thing should be given to them. And they should not have to do a dam thing to get It!

Woman, they promise you love, then they pull the rug out from underneath you!

Loving a woman is like Devil worship!

Girls can get a one nite cure for a broken heart, any time with out trying. A guy can’t do that. I wish I could!

Going back to an ex girl friend, is like massakiss’t Kisses!

Alcohol will not cure the American females allergy to sex! Some nights If you lucky, It will help!

There’s nothing dirty in a hayloft. Just sweet clean hay, and good clean fun.

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James House

You Just Get Better All The Time.

During my many years of musical obsession that started with the Beatles in December 1963, there have been many favorite songs, and a multitude of bands and artists who have come and gone.  Many are one hit wonders, or the better hit never gets played. 

For instance, you never hear Which Way You Going Billy, a #2 hit from 1970, I’m With You by Avril  Lavigne, or Something In Red by Laure Morgan. Songs that stand out and stick in your heart are all too often forgotten.   Too many times I  wonder what happened to a singer, or band.

James House is one of those artists. I don’t recall how many hits he had, but one song stands out: You Just Get Better All The Time. The vocals and arrangement make the song profound and timeless.

At the time it was a hit, 1992, I bought the cassette tape for my wife on our anniversary. After the big D, years later, I could never find the tape.  In January 2012 I was turning pages of Guitar Player, and on an add for Wechter guitars I found A picture of James House. 

I was surprised to find he’s a hired gun, playing for Martina McBride, Dwight Yoakam, Diamond Rio, and Rod Stewart. How cool is that! Nice to know James is still around, still playing.  I bought  the CD, Hard Times For An Honest Man, online. I’m very happy to have it. I’d  love to write one song as memorable as You Just Get Better All The Time.

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Charlie Daniels

We had it all one time. The best song that Charlie Daniels has ever done. It is superlative in every way. I used to have the album Windows on Cassette, and somehow it disappeared over time. So I recently found a used copy of the c.d. online, basically just to get the one song. It’s not on the greatest hits and it should be. As much as I love Charlie Daniels work, I consider this song to be his absolute best. I wish he had played it in concert when I saw him.

This past December, {2012.}  I bought a used Charlie Daniels Christmas c.d. for three dollars. The attraction wasn’t just that it was a Charlie Daniels  c.d., I only recognized the name of one song, the Christmas Song, the only cover tune on the c.d.. Most artists recording a Christmas album, pick the same twelve songs, as every body else did. Even on collections of Christmas music, you tend to get repeats for certain songs, this c.d. is different.
Charlie Daniels tends to be Hank Williams, meets Led Zeppelin, Merle Haggard, meets Van Halen. Yet has a sound all his own. On this c.d., Charlie sticks to county, with little blue grass, and his trade mark guitar work mixed in.
Christmas Time down south, from 1990, is a master piece of song  writing, and musical crafting. It does not say who wrote the songs, but there’s not a bad one in the bunch. My favorite is track 5, My Christmas love song to you. Even the Christmas song is very well done. I love Christmas music, It ain’t easy being different. A lot of people hate it. It’s March, 2013, I’m listening to this c.d., if that makes me crazy, so be it. Remember, in the seventy’s people were a poled at the idea of Country Rock. Now Charlie Daniels is an American Icon.

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Katie Armiger

I almost didn’t go to the Woodstock Fair in Connecticut on Labor Day weekend because I couldn’t get anyone to go with me, and I’d already seen Little Big Town. It was about a 90 minute drive. I had never been there and was curious, so I went anyhow.

On the bill for the day was a singer I’d never heard of named Katie Armiger. I listened to her concert and she sounded really good, even though I didn’t know any of her songs. I went over and met her and bought her CD. I got there as she was leaving, and said “Katie, please don’t leave me!”

Security asked if she wanted to make one more sale, so she came back, talked to me and signed the CD. I apologized because I’d run out of my business cards and didn’t have one to give her. I tried to explain how to get to my site, Her assistant, whom I’d spoken to earlier, spoke up and said she had a card.

Later I would listen to the CD, which turned onto listening over and over for a week. I fell in love with the songs Kiss Me Now, That’s Why, Cry Cry Cry, Scream, Can’t Keep Myself From Loving You, and Strong Enough. The whole CD is really good, but those songs touched me at an emotional level. This whole album and her singing are better than anything that Taylor has done. There is not an annoying song on this whole CD. I’m so glad I saw her show and bought her CD. I can’t figure out why she’s not on the radio. Fact is, I talked to the program director at WCTK at their Snow Ball, and to my surprise, he knew who she was, had heard her in concert, and said she was amazing. When I asked why they weren’t playing her, she told me they’d tried to put her out there, and people didn’t take to her. I don’t understand how other people can’t see how good she is. I hope she does well out there. She has a fan in Massachusetts.

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Grace Potter Ooh La La!!!

Grace must have made an impression on the music writer at the Boston Herald. I had been reading articles about her before I ever heard her sing. I found a Kenny Chesney CD in a customer’s car and when I saw Grace Potter’s name on one of the songs, I borrowed the CD and listened to it. When I heard You and Tequila Make Me Crazy, I loved her voice. So at Christmas time 2010, I bought her most recent CD. It’s rare for me to like every song on a record or CD, but I’d call this CD an exception. My favorite song would turn out to be #6: Colors.  The first time I listened to it, I was blown away by Paris Ooh La La, an in your face rocker. Then I was shocked, surprised and baffled by #13, Things I Never Needed. I couldn’t believe that she started with something like Zeppelin, and ended with something that was so country you wouldn’t know she was a rocker.  I am totally in love with this album. I haven’t heard her first two C.D.’s yet, but they are on my list. I’d love to see her live, but tickets to Kenny Chesney are hard to come by. Her mantra “I don’t want to be Nora Jones, I want to be Robert Plant” inspired me to go with “I can’t sing and I can’t play, but I refuse to give up and I do it anyway.” Now being a guy, I have to note that I can’t make up my mind who is hotter, Grace or her bass player Catherine. If I was any good, Grace is the girl I’d want in my band. If I was about 30 years younger, well, more than that. I hope she makes it big, as she deserves it. Being from New England is an added bonus.

March 18, 2013.
Sense I wrote the original review, Grace went up the charts, and scored a no. 2  hit with Kenny. the video for you and tequila make me crazy was no. 1 for 2011.  Grace seams to be every where. On you tube, there is a documentary, A new C.D. release video, and Grace seams to be singing with everybody. She’s with Heart, Warren Hanes,and others. there are many videos. She’s doing very well. A note of disappointment, Catherine Popper seams to have left the band. Her looks, presence, and excellent bass playing, added to the mystique of the band. Her backup vocals complemented Grace’s lead. I’d like to know why she left.
I’d love to see Grace do an album of Country and, or pop material. As great as a rocker Grace is, Country and ballads, sound natural to her. If only I had the connections, I’d love to have her sing some of my songs. I have a love song Grace and Kenny would have a big hit with.

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Glen Campbell

As a teenager trying to learn how to play guitar Glen Campbell came along and although I would have considered myself a rocker, I couldn’t believe how much I loved his music. I watched his TV show with my grandfather every week. So when I read in the paper that he was doing a farewell show, I had to go see it. On February 23rd at the Wilbur in Boston I went to the show. I got lost and was a few minutes late for the opening act, and had no idea who they were. When their set was over, the girl said “in a few minutes, we’re going to bring out our dad, and he’s going to blow your minds.” Somewhat confused, I asked the woman next to me what the girl on piano was talking about. She said “those are Glen Campbell’s kids.” This was a complete and total unexpected surprise. Much to my amazement, when Glen came out, his kids were his backup band. And she didn’t lie, he did blow our minds.

He messed up a few words here and there, but when he played guitar, he meant it and there were no mistakes. I could see why he’s a legend. The biggest and best surpise of the night was when he did. Didn’t We Almost Make It This Time, a Jim Webb song originally done by Richard Harris (Dumbledore on the first two Harry Potter movies). His rendition of this song was flawless and amazing, as though he was forty years younger. It was worth seeing him just for that one song. It was an amazing show.

I didn’t get to meet him, unfortunately. It would have been up there with meeting the Beatles. I did meet his daughter and got her autograph. She was very personable, talking to people who came to the stage. I hope his children can make it big too.

As a songwriter, it would be a thrill to have had Glen Campbell sing some of my songs. He could have done with them what I’m not quite good enough as a singer to do.

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Guess Who I Saw

Last night I went to The Guess Who in Rhode Island. It was a great show! I was skeptical, since only two original members were there, and no Burton Cummings. The singer covered the vocals well, excellent in his own right. He was a doppelganger for the bass player in TSO’s Christmas video. Told him as much after the show. He was surprised to hear someone use the word “doppelganger.” The younger guitar players provided a level of energy above that I saw nine years ago, at an also excellent show featuring all the original members. Clearly they were influenced by a set of later musicians not around when the group formed in the early sixties. All in all, well worth catching them if you have the chance.

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Fire in the Hayloft

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Hands of Ice

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Pre-Divorce Paranoia

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Video: Supernatural Woman

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Video: The Love of Satan

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