19 songs on you tube…….

Any videos I had on the web site have been archived….. To find my songs you will have to go to you tube…….. Titles of the songs…
Predivorce paranoia.. { I saw the first divorce coming, I just didn’t know how soon… } Supernatural woman.. { it’s a little bit about the girl who started me writing songs… }
The love of satin… { It’s the story of my second wife and her ex boyfriend…. He would show up at clubs where we were, just to bust our balls…..
Girls weren’t design to pump iron… { it’s about a wife who is spending all her time at the Gym… she’s ignoring her husband…. }
Mystery lover….. { About a girl I couldn’t get… }
Momma had hot pants….. { was written after a friend told me a story, He was dating a mother and the daughter at the same time… Like mother, like daughter… }
Goodby to the class of 74…. { I was a misfit, and hated school…. The song is a Harry Chapin style soap opera…. It’s about me, and the girl, and the fact I didn’t need the people in the school at all… I just didn’t know it… }
Plymouth Harbor moon…. { A light hearted love song…. }
Fire in the hayloft…. { my uncle had a farm when I was a kid….. Add imagination, you get this song..
By fear….. { about a married couple kept together kids and bills…. Could be any of us….}
Plymouth county court house… { My second wife cheated on me and tried to take me to the cleaners…… Great divorce song…. }
Maine turnpike Romeo…. { I had a girl friend in 2012…. She didn’t tell me about a boyfriend in New York…. She dumped me on Christmas eve for a guy in Maine, she met on line….. Thanks to her cold cheating, I wrote this song….. }
Hot blooded woman… { Based on a story someone told me, about a woman like the one in the song….. }
Crusin Friday night… { A friend wrote this song, about bar hopping on main street in shoe city….. }
Dee from Chicopee….. { Based on a true story…. }
Rumble in the back seat…… { I lived this song…. }
Holly… { the second song I ever wrote, April 1974….. It’s about a girl who started me writing songs….. }
Last nights woman…. { A one night stand, with out the atmosphere and bar room lights, would i want her for an other night… }
The most popular girl in school…… { She got voted from the back seat…. She had the most amazing exit poll….. This song has a lot of mistakes in it….. }
Songs I’m working on for you tube…..
Gold digger high…
Witches in a warehouse….
Hayloft high school….
walking talking candy store…
Every time I get lucky, It ruins my life…
Nobody pretty, would ever go out with me….
Shut up and let the guys do the fishing….. { for special, forbidden cat fish.. }

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I’ll never be Clapton, Lennon, Mc Cartney……

I really can play guitar…… I’ll never be good enough to make it in Nashville, L.A., or New York…… I was a better Bass player….. I’m more of a cord banger than a bonafided ace lead guitarist….. I can’t play lead… I kind of taught myself, and it was the wrong way to learn……..
I have some guitar hero’s, as a kid Clapton and Cream were a big influence on me… Sunshine of your love was a shot heard round the world…. It was the first time a song of that kind made it to top 40 radio….. Led Zeppelin would follow……
The Beatles were the group that started my music obsession, in December 1963, when I heard Meet the Beatles for the first time…… I was around nine….. I wanted to be a Beatle…
I was in such a hurry to play rock and roll, that I never learned to play the right way…. My lack of education haunted me all these years…..
As of the late fall of 2018, I will have owned a guitar for 50 years….. I did not reach the dream I started out wanting, that was to be a rock star…. Later a country star…. One day I realized I wasn’t very good, and set my sites on song writer….. When I fell in  love for the first time at age 14, it would start me writing poems and songs, story’s… She’s been a thorn in my side ever sense, but never a part of my life… That is for the best it wouldn’t have worked out……. The volume of material of material on paper, is hard to ignore….
Jimmy Hendrix, Jimmy Page, Buddy Holly, George Harrison, Keith Urban, Eddy VanHalen, Brad Paisley, Chuck Berry Joe Perry…. Are some of the guitarists I admire…… I like the kind of guitar work in Bill Hailey and the comets, the Linda Ronstadt recordings, and so many of the songs the Wrecking crew played on…. There’s a lot of guitar work on British invasion music I liked a lot…
Glenn Campbell was a great guitarist, and I loved his songs….. The Eagles had great songs, and ace guitarists… When you can go from the lead solo on that it easy, then switch to witchy woman that’s cool…. The eagles and Campbell are to blame for me going country…… A friend told me that the Eagles are the band on Ronstadt’s first four albums…   I’ll never be a good guitarist, or a good singer….. I love music, and I wouldn’t change this obsession…..
I hope I can make it a s a song writer some day……. To have the radio playing a song, or people still singing a song I wrote 50, or 100 years later, would be aw-sum……
I love the Clapton song rock and roll heart…. It is not on Karaoke, I’d love to sing it…. Recently i got a two disc c.d., 36 songs of Eric’s greatest hits…. It is new for 2018…. It starts with five from Cream…. The mystery is, that Eric never sang the white room. It’s most likely to show off his guitar playing… There are three from Derick and the Dominos, one from Blind Faith, the rest are from his solo career….. The c.d.’s are missing two hits, only you know and i know, from Bonnie, Delaney and friends, and Tulsa time, a rock/blues version of country singer Don Williams song……. All in all It’s a good collection……

October of 2018, I saw the Sons of Cream, doing a 50’th anniversary tour of the music of Cream…… Malcolm Bruce,  Son of Jack Bruce, Kobie Baker, son of Ginger Baker, and Will Johns, nephew of Eric Clapton… They were very good….. There were story’s about the songs, the band, and a video documentary during the intermission… I got too meet Malcolm Bruce, and talked to him…. I told him that they are better than the original, he replayed, they were innovators, we are imitators.. A good way to look at it….. It was a great show…. I’d like to get a better collection of Cream, the c.d. I have only has 10 songs on it, it barely scratches the surface……

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Things I love about Christmas…….

I’m not really into religion, I went to Sunday school, and Church, and listened to the hymns they sang….. I started to read books like Chariots of the gods, and realized that what we have been taught may be wrong…. Star Trek and Star Wars, are our future, and our past…… The past may be filled with extraterrestrial intervention, and that we are all came here from other planets……
In spite of my modern take on the past, I love Christmas, and all it’s lights, music, nick knacks…
I have around a hundred Christmas c.d.’s… All the classics, and some of the newer songs…. I have the Trans Siberian Orchestra C.D.’s, there are some Great songs on them….
I have over a hundred Christmas movies… Hallmark, and A.B.C.family movies….. One of my favorites is, A boyfriend for Christmas….. I asked Santa for a girlfriend, and a winning lottery ticket for Christmas, Santa just laughed at me…..
I collect Lionel Christmas trains, and have a collection of H.O. Christmas trains……
I put my first Xmas lights out on November first, and then I add too them….. I tell people It’s cause my wife Isn’t here to tell me no….. She was kind of a Scrooge at Holiday time….
Some of the places I love at Christmas…..
The mall, you can’t beat the decorations…..The Taunton green…. Edaville rail road, Santas village,,,, Las Sallette  shrine…….
Keep tuned in, I will add more to this latter….. To be Continued…….

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Runaround Sue, is never going to throw me in jail…..

For those of you not old enough to know, Runaround Sue is a song by Dion and the Belmont’s from the early sixty’s…….. It’s on you tube…. The song is about a serial cheater, the guy is in love with her… You don’t ever want to be a boyfriend, or husband to a serial cheater….. Trust me on that point…..
At the time the song was a little racy, and not a subject you would talk about on the radio…. It was a big hit…….
In light of the Hollywood sex scandal, and the casting couch fall out that has rocked the movie and music industry, and the Me too movement, { I hope they used lot of toilet paper to clean that up… } I’m posting my thoughts on dating……..
In the song It says, keep away from Runaround Sue……. Good advice!!!!!!
Never talk to Runaround Sue, or her sisters…. Do not ask Sue to dance… Do not try to hold her hand, hug her, kiss her…. Sue and her sisters are pure evil, do not spend the night with sue, do not ever under any circumstances, touch her sweater bumps…… Never, never, touch Sue or any of her sisters child support tunnel…… Penetrating that unholy grail will get you a lot of jail time…….. How many unsuspecting guys thought he had permission to at night, then got arrested for rape the next day…. Her word against yours, men loose…..
A woman only has power over a guy if the guy gives her the power….. I won’t …..
I will not date any woman!!!!! I will not touch any woman…. It’s not safe to have sex with any woman out there… I will not give woman the power to throw me in jail….. I’ll be safe…. Don’t get near me, and don’t penetrate my wallet……..
You might find my assessment of the current state of affairs, or the lack of affairs, strange….. The sex scandal has got me spooked, even a woman said to me this isn’t Holly wood, what are you so afraid of…… I’ve had no luck with woman, and can’t afford to take chances that could ruin my life….
Now runaround Sue was a tramp… I don’t condone cheating, I’ve been the victim of it…. But runaround Sue understood the importance of regular sex, something that today’s woman have forgotten, or never learned…… Why would a slut like runaround Sue have a man thrown in jail for wanting to have sex, or for having sex?????? Now Isn’t that a good question!!!!!! So lady’s and tramps, why would you have a man thrown in jail for wanting to have sex???? After all, your all runaround Sue when men ain’t looking… Can’t rape a hooker, a tramp, a slut, or runaround Sue….. Think about it….. I ain’t going to jail!!!!!

Father time has fixed it so that mother nature and her Minions can never screw me over again……. It feels good to be free…. Runaround Sue can’t get me any more!!!!!!!

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Woodstock and other fairs…..

No the Woodstock fair is not the famous music festival that was held on Max’s farm in up state New York, in 1969…..  Aug 2019 will be the 50’th anniversary of the event… I wonder if they will have an anniversary concert to commemorate it…. { The 50’th anniversary Woodstock concert got canceled, with out any bands playing a note… }
The Woodstock fair in C.T., is my favorite fair of all the ones I’ve been to…… This year I’m going on Saturday Sept 1, to see the Cowsills in the afternoon…. There are three original members… In the evening I will be seeing the Lov’in spoonful…. Two original members…. There will be local bands all day long on the south stage….. One of my favorite parts of the fair is the section of old farm tractors, old machines, old cars, trucks, and original one cylinder gas engines……. There are many exhibits, and live stock to see…. If you look for  the local buildings, boy scouts, church, 4H, cheer leaders, you can find food reasonable….
My uncle had a farm when I was a kid, that’s where I got the love for a farm and the machines…. My two grandfathers had gardens…….
I went to the Barnstable fair in July, I saw Maddie and Tae there…. It’s a nice fair, but it doesn’t have any old tractors or machines……
This weekend I’m going to the Rochester Fair on Friday…. I’ve never been there.. I know it’s small, and there will be a local band…
On Sunday I’m going to the Washington county fair in R.I. There are come old tractors there, and they have a nice tractor / truck pulling track…. The featured act is up and coming singer, Morgan Evans…..  Should be a great day….
There are more Fairs coming up soon, I will be adding to this post……

August 2019…. I saw Matt Snell at the Washington county fair…. Got to meet him, and gave him on of my cards that directs people to you tube… at the time he had the no. 3 song on the local country station…. It has sense been no. 1 for two weeks…
Labor day weekend, I went to the Woodstock fair… I saw Ronnie Milsap in the after noon…. I did not realize he was so old, and didn’t remember that he is blind… He doe’s not sing as good as he use to, but you knew it was him…. I didn’t realize that he had 40 no. hits from 1974 into the 90’s… I bought his hits collection…. On disc one, my favorite song is, it was almost like a song…. I lived that song, along time ago…..
In the evening I saw Mattie mattress, and Ta Ta Tae…. I saw them last year at Barnstable fair…. Tae in a denim skirt was enough to make a guy crazy!!!! WOW!!!!! And they sing really good too….
Just shut up, hold still, and let the guys do the fishing!!!!! We know what kind of fish we want, and what to do with it… Guys don’t tell girls how to dress… If girls are dressed like a slut, it was their own doing… don’t complain… I like learn to fly on your way down, it says a lot….

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Hayloft High School….

I was driving home from karaoke on a Friday night, and Hayloft High School hit out of no where… I have a friend at a music store, I run ideas by him, and he loved this one….. He tells me if my ideas suck….
Musicians complain karaoke hurt the live music business, and it probably did…. But helped me learn to be a better singer……
I’m working on it as a song idea, I have more potential ideas than will fit into one song…. I will post it on here, when I like what I have on paper….
For now I like it as a tee shirt idea, and had it made at a fair….
Hayloft High School, were getting a few F’s, is a good thing…..

Hayloft High School..
A higher education…
Get some straight A’s…

Other tee shirt ideas,
No wife, no girlfriends,
No one night stands,
No restraining orders,
no jail time
No problems……

Every time I get lucky, it ruins my life…..

I love cosmic satisfaction reactors…… {  It’s a hook up hole…. }

I have a bucket of water, and I’m not afraid to use it….

Take me to a planet where females like men, love sex, and there’s no such thing as a restraining order…….

I had a shirt made to wear to King Richards Faire in the fall.
I love witch spice, and hot cauldron rides…..

A tee shirt that started out as a joke, and a guy at work had it made for me… I waited three and a half months for it and it was suppose to be on bolth sides, it’s on the front only.. But it’s work of art, the logo is dyed into the shirt….. He didn’t charge me for it…
Official Government Secret
Keep out
It’s a spoof on area 51, and a jab at woman who don’t understand what being human men and woman are all about….. Too hook up, is to be normal…. Hey, that would make a great tee shirt….










No one night stands,
No restraining orders,
No problems…..

Every time I get lucky,
It ruins my life!!!!!

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Gold Digger High is an idea I had, and a song I wrote between 1978, and 1981… I didn’t think it was very good and never did anything with it…… My boss was going threw a divorce a few years back, and one day I sang him the chorus…… Three days later he was still singing it… I thought maybe it’s a better idea than I thought it was…… I took out my old stack of note books and looked for the original draft….. I couldn’t find it…. I keep finding that a lot of things got lost or thrown out in my second divorce… She couldn’t leave anything safe, and had no respect for my things….. There were no cell phones or home computers when I wrote the original, I decided to rewrite the song, and update the ideas..
The song is a comedy, and is not intended to offend anyone….. But there is a little truth in it…… The draft I have now is subject to change before I record it for you tube…
Gold Digger High….
Verse 1
There’s a place where the girls can go to learn how to rule,
Cause this place ain’t no ordinary high school….
The girls graduate with honorers and a smile,
Cause they got a degree in gold digger style….
The boys, the boys, should never ask why,
What the girls learn at Gold digger high…
They learn how to cheat, they learn how to lie,
That’s what the girls learn at Gold Digger high….
Verse 2.
There’s are school where girls learn to be a wife,
And how to set them self’s up for the rest of their lives..
The girls learn about money and financial gain,
They are taught the finer points of playing the game….
Repeat chorus..
Verse 3.
Girls don’t need to learn home eck,
All they need to know is home wreck….
For a woman marriage is a no brain er,
Got a boyfriend on the side and a lawyer on retainer…..
Repeat Chorus..
Verse 4.
For a woman life ain’t very hard,
When she’s got the platinum Gold digger card…
There’s a class on how to be a witch,
|And keep a finger on the shut him off switch…..
The gold girls work on collecting money and possessions,
Sneaking around on cell phones and internet obsessions….
The boys, the boys, should never ask why,
What the girls learn at Gold Digger high…
They learn how to cheat and they learn how to lie,
That’s what the girls learn at Gold Digger High..
There’s gonna be a lot of disappointed guys,
Who marrie the girls from Gold Digger High……
That’s what the girls learned at Gold Digger High…..

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Turky Swamp…. The storie I haven’t told….

I have often said, that i would like to write a book…. I have also said that no one would believe that I was telling the truth…… So many crazy things happened, that could have only happened to me… A book will have to wait till I retire and have time to devote to it…
What I’m going to do here is write a condensed version of a strategic part of the story…. It will shed some light on how I ended up who I am today…. There are certain events that changed the course of my life, and who I would become….. Bare with me, this will take a lot of time…….
This story was to span a time frame from being a little kid, till I got married the first time…
Something happened August 3 2019, that i felt I needed to add to the story….. It’s at the end…

I started out as a back seat mistake….. I mean most of us were unplanned, and even when a child is planed, you can’t control the sperm and egg that create you…. That’s where my life started going wrong……. Of course, my parents got married cause of me… That didn’t work out too good……
I lived in a third floor apartment in Whitman….. I don’t remember much about it…. I fell out a third story window when i was sixteen months old…… I landed on the only soft thing around, my head!!!! No I landed in a pile of sand…. I did not a pair to be hurt, but I probably had one hell of a concussion…….. They didn’t know about them back then….
We moved to Plympton and lived in a small house on the south side of Turkey swamp…. When I was around two, we got a dog…. Part Collie, and he would be my best friend… My father would start an auto body shop in the garage next to the house, while he worked in a shoe factory….. Later he would move the shop to an old post and rough cut board building covered with corrugated metal, on Clark ave in Halifax… It held four cars….
In Plympton I had friends….I played with Lionel trains, and Tonka trucks…
My uncle had a farm in Bridgewater, and I fell in  love with the place… Tractors, the hay baler, the barn…… He would sell the farm before I was old enough to drive the tractor, and before I was old enough to know what a hay loft is really used for…….. Now I wish I didn’t know……….          I will add to this story in the future…
When I was eight we moved to Halifax… The north side of Turkey swamp… We moved into My grandfathers house…. They made an apartment for Gram and Grandpa where the bed rooms were up stairs… And made bedrooms for us in the cellar…..
I did not fit in in Halifax… I could not compete, or keep up in school… A bunch of city kids had moved into cottages in town, and they bullied me…. There were places in town where I was afraid to go.. My few friends were misfits… I became reclusive and stayed around home out in the woods a quarter mile from the main road…. I hung around my dads shop where I learned a lot…. Including a vocabulary I learned the hard way, that I couldn’t use in public….. One profound thing that happened, in December of 1963, A girl brought a record to school…. It got played during inside recess…. That record changed my life…. It was Meet the Beatles…… It would set me on fire, I wanted  to play guitar, sing, write songs…. I thought people would like me if I was famous… I was hearing music on the radio, but it didn’t hit me till the Beatles.. I would have to wait for a guitar….
I will add more to this later..
I made it threw to sixth grade…. The year My dad bought me an Orange crate…. The bike caused  a lot of jealousy with other kids around town….. That school year, I had a crush on the new girl, Linda…. She was long hair, brunette, and very pretty…… Later in the year, a group of boys ganged up on me on the playground, and roughed me up pretty good….. I call it the riot on the playground… I guess I was not the only one who had a crush on Linda….. Her younger brother didn’t like me…. I was very scared of bullies, girls, and didn’t handle the incident very well…. I was not good at defending myself, and let myself get pushed around… I had started school late, due to a December birthday, and stayed back in second grade Plympton… I was around a year and a half older than the other kids in my class… I was having feelings they weren’t having yet….
When I was thirteen, my dog died…. He was old and very sick… Dad put him out of his misery, { shot a sick animal back then…} and I had to did a hole and berry the dog in the back yard…. I was devastated, the dog was the only real friend I ever had…….
The old guy who lived next to my grandparents, invited me to see puppy’s, and trapped me in his cellar… He chased me around his cellar with his sword hanging out of his pants…. I was old enough to know what he wanted to do… I was young and agile, I was able to out run him, and I got away…. He scared the shit out of me…. I didn’t tell anyone for ten years…. I would never do that to a child…
Jr High…
I started Jr. high in a new building in 1968… I started school thinking no one liked me, and not wanting to be there…… I was more afraid of girls than ever, and could not handle a crush if one came my way…. I could not talk to a girl I liked… I would avoid her…… I made some new friends, also misfits.. I took a music class, where I discovered Hendrix…..
A guy would give me a cheap electric guitar… A Tysco delray… My dad got me a cheap guitar amp for Christmas, and I started guitar lessons…. I took lessons till summer started, and never went back.. The guitar got a broken neck, and I would not get another one till the next Christmas… The same exact guitar, different color……. I was very clever, I took the pick up off the broken guitar, and make the new one a two pickup guitar…..
The summer of 1969….. My favorite song was listen to the band, by the Monkeys….. My uncle David took me to Milo Maine fro two weeks….. There I learned that Maine is a beautiful place.. Like country boy heaven…. I also learned that my aunt was mean, cruel, vindictive, not very good with little children, or me, and that my uncles in laws were nuts….. It was a good but sometimes stressful vacation… I couldn’t wait to get away from there….. They landed the first man on the moon while I was in Maine…. July 20, 1969…
In August there was Woodstock….. I didn’t know anything about it till after it happened….
Eighth grade I will never forget!!!!!!!
My mom had this awful friend… Her first husband ran for his life, and never looked back.. She had five daughters, and treated them very badly….. This friend was not above having an affair with someones husband……. My mom would baby sit the girls during the summers.. We would play in the woods, go fishing, or swimming…. The girls liked my mom cause she was kind and caring…… The awful friend, married a younger man who was an alcoholic………
Two or three weeks into the school year/September 69, on a Tuesday evening,The husband of the awful friend, showed up at my fathers garage with a car full of kids….. The three oldest of his step kids, my friend Brian, and an other girl…. He got out of the car screaming and hollering at me…. He chased me around!!!! The guys who worked for my dad, and the guys who worked for the cranberry company all liked me, and tried to protect me…. The girls step father was drunk, something I would not have understood at that time….. After the yelling and arguing….. The guy got in the car and left…….. At the time I had no idea what I had done… If you do something wrong you know it even if you won’t admit to it…. I did not know what traumatized, or post traumatic stress syndrome was at the time!!!!! But man I had it bad…. I barely functioned for months.
The next day, I was shaken… My friend Brain was too…. He didn’t know what happened either….. The Art teacher was out sick, so they sent us to a study hall I would not normally go to…. I was sitting there with Brain, when a girl walked by…. She had dark hair, striking looks…… I instantly fell in love with her!!!!!! Madly, head over heals, like a train had just run me over!!!!!!! It was too much, too fast, to hard, too intense, too deep!!!!!! I had never felt anything like that before…… { I would never feel anything like that for a female again. } The shock was more than I could handle!!!!!!! I pointed at the girl, and asked Brain who is that girl????? When he said her name, { Holly Witching…. } The shock got even bigger!!!!!!. my mom and her mom had been friends…. I went to her house to play when  I was little, { Her older sister came to my house and played with trains with me…. } and I lived in Plympton too…. I was so blown away, I did not know what to think, or feel….. It was less than twenty four hours from the guy wanting to beat me up…….. I never really recovered from those two events…. The girl would start me writing poems and songs………. I was so terrified of Holly, I could not get near her, I would run away if she got near me……
A number of weeks later, there was a dance in the gym… I would go to dances, but never talk to girls or ask them to dance…. I would stand near the guitar player, and watch him play, try to figure what he was doing…. On this occasion, Holly would come up beside me, on my left side and elbow me repeatedly… I did not understand why she was doing this…. I froze like a statue…. I could not speak, or move!!!!! Finally she went away, I could move again…. An other thing she did that did not make sense, she followed me around sticking me in the leg or butt with a great big common pin….. I was so scared and angry, I think I told the principle, and got her in trouble…. To this day she has no idea what happened or why…… I would never know if she liked me, and that would haunt me for next fifty years…. In story telling, I say that she never liked me, she never had a crush on me, she never was in love with me, and all these years later, she never thinks of me… I never had a chance with her….. I will never know who she really felt…   The biggest mistake of my life, was not talking to her, not taking a chance…..
Later I would learn what happened….. The step daughters were 16, 14, and June, 12….. The step father heard the name Gary, and went into a rage thinking that I was having sex with June…. That’s why he was going to beat me up….. I never had sex with any of those girls.. They would have if I had asked, but I didn’t….. It turns out there was another boy in the area named Gary…… It turns out the stepfather was jealous… He was screwing the 16, 14, 12 year old, and the other girl that was in the car…. At twelve, he got June pregnant… At thirteen June had his child….. The state took the child away, and put him in jail……
But the damage he had done to me has gone on forever…. I have forever been terrified of females, and wives and girlfriends have never worked out.. He ruined high school for me, and girls would be something I can’t have, can’t get…….
Skip to ninth grade……. I had spent the rest of 8’th grade, and the summer with a broken heart, and a feeling that would not stop…. I was consumed by love and all I could do is think about Holly….. I was so love sick the summer of 1970, all I could do is stare into space….. It was like I was burning up with fever…. Talk about the worst summer even…. No teen should ever fall in love like that..
Two or three weeks into September 1970, I rode to Brian Drews house on my mini bike….. I was having trouble with the chain falling off…. When I left there, I rode out into the street at full speed, hit a car in the side……. I broke my left leg, A compound fracture, and got a double concussion. I woke up in the hospital in Plymouth with no idea of what happened, where I was, what day it was, or how I broke my leg……. When I went home, I was so weak all I could do was watch T.V…. I hated the pain medication, and flushed it down the toilet…… Did not like what the pills did to me…… I told a guy in school about the pills, he freaked out!!!!! Why did you flush them, I would have bought them he said… I didn’t understand why he would want them….. While I had the cast on, one day at school, Holly asked me what happened???? I ran into the boys room to hide…
There was not much on t.v. during the day back then….. While I was too weak to do anything, And stuck at home, I got hooked on Dark shadows…. My sister watched it….. I was fascinated by the Vampire, and the witch, Angelique who had cast a spell on him…. A spell that can’t be broken…… I envisioned,  that Holly Witching was a witch who had cast a spell of love on me, that I could not break….. And I could not escape from her power over me… Holly would be the force that started me writing poems, stories, and songs…… But I crossed her with a witch on t.v., and created a muse that was never real…. the feelings I was having became a fantasy…… A fantasy that got mixed up with the music, and the dream I had of being a rock star…. The fantasy powered the words I wrote on paper for years….. Till my two marriages, and divorce’s took the place of the original muse…. But it was a darker more cynical kind of music….. Fate branded a name and a face, a time and a place, in my sole….. Almost fifty years later, I’m still trying to out run it….I never got the dream of being a rock star, or a country star….. I’m still trying to make it as a writer, but that isn’t going to happen……..
The rest of my stay in high school was spent avoiding Holly… In ninth grade she was dating a senior…. He had a car and money, I could not compete with that…. I joke that she gave him a good reason to hang around….. I would never be that lucky…. By the 11’th grade I was a mess, and flunking in a lot of classes…… I was probably not going to graduate with the class……. { See the reunion, at the end… }  I met the girlfriend of the drummer in a band I was in…….. Anna… We became friends…. Every time I called Anna, I got her older sister Nora….. After a while, I met the sister, and she chased me…. I was a seventeen year old kid and just wanted to get laid….. The most important thing a human can do in life…… Just don’t tell females that, they won’t understand…. The sister, Nora deliberately got pregnant… With her mothers shot gun in my back, I married Nora… once the deal was sealed, Nora lost the fire that got me into that predicament….. The kid was born in September of 1973, while my class was starting it’s senior year… I Quit school to become Nora’s meal ticket…… WE had a second kid, but things didn’t get better… She was a serial cheater, just the guys I found out about, were grounds for divorce ten times over…. I was a prisoner of my own kids…..  Someone had to take car of them…….. Nora had four abortions, Those baby’s probably were not mine, but I would have got stuck supporting them….. I would divorce her when one of her many boyfriends tried to shoot me in my drive way… She bailed him out of jail…… I had a wicked case of post traumatic stress syndrome for years….. It cost me two kids, and a lot of money to get rid of her….
I continued the music, sure I could be a rock star… I was not very good, and more delusional than anything….. When things went wrong, I would fall back on my love for a ghost muse, with the name Holly…….
I ended up playing bass, getting into oldies, and then country…… I kept writing things down on paper……. I would never finish what i started..
Before the divorce was final, I met my second wife at country night at a local restaurant….. She lied to me about her marriage, husband, everything….. She had been cheating on him with some loser……. I did not know she was spending all the money on booze, and not paying the bills… She came into my life about the time he took the money away from her….
I had a house, and she wanted  one…. She would say, I chased him till he caught me…. She got pregnant, and I became her meal ticket….. It wasn’t all bad in the beginning… She couldn’t handle three little kids, bills and responsibility… The drinking got worse, and earlier in the day…. She would be passed out when the kids got home, and the oldest of the three, would have to take care of the two younger ones……. She put my threw hell, and then cheated on me at A.A.     She would tell me, making love ain’t part of marriage, if you touch me, your going to go to jail…. When I complained about the cheating, she told me, it’s my body, I can do anything I want with it……. I said your married, you can’t sleep around…. She said take me to court, they will screw you good…. She threatened me with restraining orders all the time… sometimes she would go get one just to maintain control of me….. Eventually we got a divorce…. She tried to take the house, but the court would not give it to her….. The divorce agreement tied her hands…… Four months after the divorce was final, she had an stroke, and died……. April 18’th 2005….. Her death set me free….. But not with out a catch 22 over the house, and problems with the kids…….
I’d like to note that I never got married a third time, and never let a woman live in my house……. Fact is, girlfriends, few and far between were not any better that the wives….. Woman all lie, cheat, and dump me… I’m a temporary sex toy, and that’s when I’m lucky…
To be continued…….
The reunion, August 3, 2019….
When I received the notice for a 45 year reunion, my first reaction was I’m not going, I don’t want any thing to do with it…… As I thought about it my opinion changed… I was going to skip the reunion to avoid one woman… Every time i bump into her by chance, it causes a problem……. { it turns out, it’s only a problem if her husband or sister find out a bout it… If only her and I know, there is no problem…. I would not break up someones marriage, or have an affair with a married woman….. It’s been done to me….}
I was terrified of the prospect of seeing her…. When my friend from school who lives in Virginia, said he was coming, I decided to go…. This time instead of a ball room setting, it was a barbecue In a pavilion…  I was a nervous wreck till I got there, them I was fine… I tried to talk to every one, even if i didn’t know them in school, or didn’t remember their name….. The first thing that went wrong…. They took a group pictures, there were woman sitting on the grass, I was standing behind the one female I was trying to avoid… I didn’t know till someone said her name……
It was cool, I got to reconnect with friends i had lost track of, and have picked up some of them on face book…….
Later after food, I went around and passed out my cards I use to direct people to my you tube account to every one there… Except her… I dropped a card on the pick nick table and didn’t say a word… I just walked away….
The party was from4:00, To 9:00, and around 7:30 people started to leave…. I was up the north end of the pavilion talking to the d.j., I have more in common with a d.j. than with the people I went to school with…. Those who were still there were down the south end…..
When i left the d.j. and headed back to the other end, she was standing by the bar…. To avoid her i would have to go around the bar, or around the pick nick tables… It would have been so obvious That i was avoiding her, I would have looked like a fool….. I walked up to her and asked if she got my card… She said yes, it’s in my pocket book…. What happened next I could not have dreamed up in a million years…… She layed the hug of a century on me!!!!! I didn’t have time to think, or runaway.. I hugged her back….. It was a prolonged close hug, and the only thing I could say to her was, nothing that happened was your fault, you couldn’t possibly have known what happened to me, and I’m sorry….. When she finally let me go, she said apologie accepted…… I walked away……
I don’t know why she hugged me….. Was it sympathy, was it as a friend, was she trying to tell me that she loved me too, and had all these years….. Was it cause she know how I felt, or because she knew she was the one who started me writing poems, story’s and songs…. I thought she never loved me in return…. I will probably never know the answer…. She doe’s not know the  story behind what happened….. Later she was at the bar, and I told her, there is one song on you tube with a name, your name… And I have been waiting 45 years for you to hear it… I did not talk to her the rest of the night….
She broke the anger, the hurt, the bitterness, I had buried my feelings under…. I wanted the spell of love she had put on me almost 50 years ago gone.. That she left behind… I decided I’m not going to fight it this time….. She is a closed door that got left open…. I will wait and see where this never ending story leads me……

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Nobody Pretty would ever go out with me!!!!!!

I get a kick out of telling females  that no one pretty will ever go out with me…… They get all flustered, and say it isn’t true…… But it is true… And if you talk to enough guys who can’t get a date, can never get girls, you realize there is something to it……
Girls and woman who are really pretty, and have that perfect body size and shape, know it and are likely to be stuck up or conceited about it… When you can get any guy you want anytime you want, your teasing guys, but won’t let them get near you….. But looks won’t last forever…. Someday it will be your turn to be dateless, and loveless….
I started to learn in Elementary School that when I liked a girl, or a girl, was really pretty, they would have nothing to do with me…….. Junior high was no better….. If I liked a girl, I could never get her….. I was afraid of girls, and had something happen in sixth grade that made it worse… In eight grade i was traumatized by an adult man accused of something I didn’t do…… I didn’t know what or why till later…..
Any fear I had was multiplied ten times over…..
High school was the click testing ground….. I was on the outside looking in… Ninth grade, the girl I loved was going out with a senior, and I couldn’t compete with that……  School was a drought when it came to girls, I was surrounded by a sea sexual advertisements, and sensual fashion statements, In your face I’m a female, but  couldn’t get a girl, or any satisfaction…
I hated school, was glad to be away from there….. My great sex experience, was my first wife… She deliberately got knocked up, and made me into her meal ticket…. It ended in disaster.. Divorce bitterness is the worse kind, and never go’s away!!!!!
There are two kinds of woman, the easy slut, and the don’t touch me… I can’t get either!!
There are two kinds of guys, the ones who can get any chick they want in bed any time, and the guys who just can’t get any woman at all…..
After the divorce, I hit the reality that finding a date was not going to happen…. Going to a bar, didn’t get me a date or a girl friend… Every time I liked a woman I could not get her…. I was stuck in a catch 22 of waiting till a woman chased me, and not getting one I wanted…. The prettier they are, the more Impossible they are to get… My second wife came along by chance,  she chased me, till she caught me, and again a meal ticket I became….. Ending in disaster…… The two wives wasted the prime of my life….
I found myself in my early fifty’s, Back in the dating market, to find nothing had changed… Dates were even harder to get, as woman get older, and there are less pretty woman….. The only pretty woman out there are too young for me, any my age are already taken…. I’ve had a few girlfriends that didn’t work out, to find out I was a cheap rental, in between other men…. Is there a woman you can trust not to lie, cheat, and dump me…. Here I am, at 63, with no girlfriend, no dates, no one night stands… Woman who are one night stand easy, can’t be trusted to be faithful… Woman are impossible to get, at least for me… I’ve given up, cause nothing has changed’ girls are still like high school. Nobody pretty, no woman  that I really like will ever go out with me, or sleep with me….. Dating web sites are no help, the ones that want to meet me, are old, fat, and ugly, and live too far away…. If I message someone pretty, they never reply…… I’m almost happily single, and alone….. I have no one to go to a movie with or watch t.v. with, or keep me warm on a cold night, or to talk to.. Fifty years ago, if a man didn’t smoke, drink, do drugs, sleep around, he was the guy woman were looking for….. Now if you don’t smoke, drink, do drugs, your no fun, Females don’t want you, and I’ve eliminated all the single woman…… I’m out of the dating market, there’s no one I’m compatible with…… I’m a goody two shoes……
I don’t have to worry about being lied to, or cheated on, or who wants to fight all the time… And I’m saving a fortune by not dating…. To those woman out there who can’t get guys, I know how you feel……. Dating is lady’s choice, so I might as well forget it…… Cause nobody pretty, ever has, or ever will go out with me…. Nice guys don’t get woman, and assholes get them all…… Your wife, girl friend, date, lover, fiancee… That’s just the way it…. With the Holly wood sex scandal, casting couch fallout, If I find a date, I would be too afraid to touch her!!!!! The fear of jail time is too much…. Go be pretty, and go wrongly flaunt it, and leave me to the safety of being alone and single……

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Rudder and Cruder, Stories from the out house!!!!

Stories from the out house imply s that the material is unacceptable to be told in general public….. Like in Church, the supper market, on T.V., or around, what do you call them dam things,,,,, Oh yea, Woman!!!!!!
Rudder and Cruder stories is a place to post the R. and XXX rated things I have in my head, and on paper…… I can let it all hang out…..
Warning!!!!!! Do not read this page, if you are a female of any age, a Vestal Venous, a prude, a me too disciple, hate men, hate sex, love money!!!! Or if your a me too freak..
Do not read this page if you are a male under the age of 17……
It is not my fault that I think like a Comedian, and crazy things come out of  my head….. I did not ask to be like this, mind boringly normal would have been nice…… I blame a girl I fell in love with at 14, { and the Beatles… } for starting me writing poetry, stories, and song lyrics……. Made the gift / curse was there all the time, she just woke up the force… Unfortunately, I was terrified of her and what I was feeling, and never knew how she felt cause I was too afraid to ask…. She’s never heard the story behind it…. it’s on my bucket list to tell her, or write a book…. She was a girl I could never get, or keep…. She never liked me, had a crush on me, loved me…. There is distance…. It’s better this way…….
I also read too much mad magazine, hustler humor,  and loved George Carlin… I was never normal, and never fit in……. I am totally harmless, and would never hurt anyone….. I’m more afraid of woman, and people than they could ever be of me….
You Have been warned, if you read this page, there is no turning back!!!!!
If your some version of the Gestapo,,,,, Get the Puck of my web page, and mind your own business!!!!!!!!!!
Check out, Turkey swamp, the story I’ve never told……. It’s on a different post…
I have recently been told to moderate this post….  It is just plane old fashioned book burning, and nonsensical censorship.. I have changed words to pacifie the word S.S. and you will have to guess what I mean…… Sorry for any inconvenience…

Rudder, cruder, stories from the out house…..
Also, psychology 101. Thoughts on the insanity of the weekly grind…
Famous woman I wish I could date…. New feature…..
Twisted song lyrics….. R. rated words to songs you know and love….. A dumb idea I’ve had for a long time… Guys will love it, females will hate it……
Names for all girl bands……. R rated, true to life……..
A new dumb idea, T.V. and movie titles, for real life..
Corona corner…. Making fun of bull shit….

There is nothing dirty about the human body… Kissing is not dirty, sex is not dirty.. Men’s minds are not dirty, every thought a man has about woman, and sex, are clean and normal… Stupid people have made sex dirty.. It is all a fabrication…. They make laws to keep men from having sex, and not one law to assure that men get laid when they need to… Even marriage is no guarantee of getting laid… That was the point of marriage for most of human existence….. The only things guaranteed are divorce, cheating by woman,
{ Is Dirty pool…. } and child support… Woman have ruined relationships, and sex…
If you have an ad version to sex, think it’s dirty, and don’t like comedy, do not read any of this….

My law firm of Cosby, Wynn, and Winstein, tell me I should stay away from woman, they are bad for you health……

Why are Sharks smarter  than men? When Sharks eat pussy they don’t leave any evidence, and Sharks never go to jail……
Why are men better than Sharks? When men eat pussy, they leave left overs…… Woman just ain’t smart enough to appreciate it…..

What is the difference between an egg, and a vagina? An egg comes in a protective shell, so you know it’s clean when you eat it……
Make Vaginas great again!!!!!! It’s Un American to be celibate.
At my age the only woman I can get, are old fat and ugly……
I don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs.. I’m not a lair, cheater, player, king of the one night stand…… I’ve eliminated every single woman out there!!!!!
50 years ago, if a man didn’t smoke, drink, do drugs, he was the guy woman were looking for….. Now he is no fun!!!!!!!

Every time I get lucky, it ruins my life!!!! I had a tee shirt made with this slogan on it….
Should make a tee shirt that says, Former wedded prisoner and child support slave… Currently on parole…..
Had a tee shirt made, Hayloft high school…. A better education… Get some, straight A’S…..
I had to leave the word ass off the shirt…
Also made one, No wife, no girlfriends, no one night stands, no restraining orders, no jail, No more problems….
Normal guy, may the testosterone be with you…
I’m not sure if I’m haunted by who I am, or haunted by who I wanted to be, and never got the chance to be….

Any man who is a father, is destine to fail at father hood…. Your kids will hate you.
Any man who becomes a husband, is destine to be a failure, cause it always ends up all about money, not love…
Marriage fails cause woman don’t understand what marriage is, and fucks it up completely…. Most important, be nice to your husband, have lots of sex with your husband, don’t lie to or cheat on your husband… He didn’t have to marry you, he threw his life away for you…..

I had a young guy laughing in a discount store… I was looking at the led flash lights, and told him, I won’t buy anything that required C battery’s….. Woman who won’t have sex with men, have created a demand for C battery’s by using vibrators….. They have made C battery’s harder to find, and more expensive…… This is stupid, cause men don’t need battery’s…… Just turn us on…….

Woman are designed to be functional…. I only wish woman could remember what that function is…… Any kind of sex with a woman is good…
Any kind of marriage, is grounds for divorce….. I didn’t get married to work two jobs, pay bills, do choirs, fight all the time, and be celibate…….. No sex, it ain’t marriage!!!!!
Trying to scale that bar room cat fish… It gets kind of messy…..
The difference between a Christmas stocking, and a Vagina….. You can stuff a Vagina all year long…….. You won’t go to jail for stuffing a Christmas stocking….
There is no I in team…. There is an I in marriage, divorce, child support, infidelity, alimony, lies, fibs, investments, restraining order, vagina, fights, bitch, witch, kids…… With all those I’s, it’s no wonder, relationships don’t work……

Hearts break!!!! Vaginas never break!!!!!
Give me liberty!!!! But don’t give me Cillery God dam Hlinton
I have a bucket of water, and I’m not afraid to use it….
I like spending Christmas under the camel toe, with mistletoe over my head…

I met a woman named Sybille at karaoke, back in may…… It took five weeks of going to the karaoke bar to find her again…… She led me to think she might be interested in me…. When I tried to get a date and phone no. , but, she shot me down…. When I wasn’t there, she asked my buddy where i was, the week after she crushed me, she asked my buddy if i was alright…… I asked him to tell her, rejection is a way of life, don’t worry about it….. I was given to understand she was upset with that…. Sybille is living up to her name sake….
Multiple personality’s…..
Woman are the devil, marriage is hell on earth…. men enable the devil…..

Crushes on girls are always a crushing blow… Love ends up like Hiroshima, your heart gets bombed, and the fall out go’s on forever….. Fifty years later, your still in love with a female you can’t get……. The radiation is still deadly….

There are candy and present holidays… There are beer and whisky holidays.. There are greeting card holidays… There’s a rose’s and dinner holiday…. There are fire works holidays….. why aren’t there get laid, or blow job holidays???? How about a be nice to men holiday…… That would be too simple….
Super hero’s save the day!!!!!! Super woman saves a mans nights!!!!!!!

The only thing more difficult than getting over the Bourne bridge to Cape Cod in the summer, is getting a date with a woman…. And forget about a happy ending……..
The only thing dirty about sex is being cheated on…. There never has been, and never be anything wrong, or dirty about sex…… sex is normal, it is a great part of being human…..
sex is a force of nature, that needs to be excised constantly…
The wrong with sex is the propaganda woman and society have been brain washed into..
The worst crime in the world, is when you can’t get laid… That’ a capital punishment and a severe crime against men..

I recently saw country duo Maddie and Tae at a country fair… They are very good, and put on one hell of a show…. It cost 10.00 to park, 7.00 to get in.. Can’t get cheaper than that for a out door show… They had a hit song, shut up and fish…. The guy had more than bass on his mind… Of course he did, that’s normal, and the way life should be…. I came home that night and wrote this…..
Guys know where to find a fishing hole, guys know how to use a good ridged fishing pole… Guys ain’t afraid to get their fingers fishy dirty, To the horny pout guys know how to be flirty….. Guys know what kind of bait, to use on a fishing date, cause it’s not nice to make the cat fish wait…. Find the wet water and start, take the fish hook to the heart…. Girls smile, and let the guys do the fishing…… Get some special cat fish, and just get cook’in don’t worry if anyone’s looking… On the dock or in a room, guys love cat fish perfume… Girls, just smile and let the guys do the fishing…. Like a hippie chic just get hip, and enjoy the fishing trip.. Give a fisher man lots of hope, when he dances there in the boat….. Loves gonna click, when you hit that climax fish.. Girls, just smile and let the guys do the fishing… Life’s much better, when the guys do the fishing….. A fishing hole should never be hard to find, that makes life unkind, no fishing makes a guy out of his mind… Shut up, and let the guys do the fishing!!!!!!

Lady’s, leave your hood open, I’ll check out your engine…. I’m a mechanic…..
An unmarked cruiser will get you a ticket, an unmarked woman will get you thrown in jail..
So much has changed in fifty years…. Peace and love, the sexual revolution, make love not war…. Hippie chic’s were so much better than today’s woman… Hippie chic’s were all for love, go with the flow, mak’in love, no problem…… These days, woman are extremely up tight, not in a good way…. The love box is out of sight….. And there ain’t no men getting in the grove…… Men are staying away from the grove, men don’t want to go to jail…
The me too movement, and the casting couch fall out is having a dramatic effect on the ice cream business…. Men will not eat a banana split, they are too afraid of going to jail…..

In the old days, marriage was what a man did to get laid Now days, Marriage is what a man doe’s to be celibate…. While she cheats on you….

I don’t know why people and the government can’t leave things alone…. There is a movement to repeal the abortion law….. Leave the law alone!!!!! My first wife was a serial cheater…. If it were not for guilt and abortion, I would have supported four kids that were not mine…. She was not maternal, and the four kids would have put a restriction on her cheating……. There were no D.N.A. tests back then, a judge would not have cared, he would have stuck child support up my butt… May west said, a woman only gets married so if she gets pregnant, she has some one to blame it on…… I certainly hope the two kids are mine…. If not, we have been living a lie for over forty years… After the divorce, her mother raised the kids….. I would have raised them if the system would have let me….. The system is broken, and will never be fixed……..

Fuck the world I want to get off….. I do not fear death!!!!! I fear life, I fear longevity, death sets you free from work, bills, taxes, car problems…. Dead men don’t get laid, neither  do husbands…. I ain’t had a girlfriend or get laid for over four years….. I’ve tried, woman are so impossible to get….. Men should be in control of dating, and sex At least men know what to use a vagina for… It’s too bad woman don’t….  What is the sense of living if your health is gone, you have no money, you can’t go anywhere, or do anything…….. If you not getting laid everyday, you might as well be dead…. I can’t wait to get it over with….

What do you do with a book? read it. What do you do with a chair? you sit in it..What do you do with water? you drink it.. What do you do with a T.V.? You watch it… What do you do with a bed? you sleep and get laid on it… What do you do with food? you eat it… What do you do with a bike? you ride it.. What do you do with a woman?????
{ For those of you not smart enough to figure out that last one, you have sex with her…. You might say, Fuck HER!!!!!! }

This proof that men are smarter than females……..
If a man sits on a horse, he knows it’s a horse… If a man sits in a car, he knows it’s a car…. If a man sits on a tractor, he knows it’s a tractor…. If a man jumps in the river, he knows he’s getting wet… If a man catches a fish, he knows it’s a fish… If a man sits on a bale of hay, he knows it’s hay.. If a man sits on a mountain, he knows it’s a mountain…. If a man sits in a jail cell, he knows it’s a jail cell… If a man sits on fence, he knows it’s s fence.. if a man sits on roller coaster, he knows it’s a roller coaster…….. If a man sits on a pot of gold, he knows it’s a pot of gold…. So explain to me why woman are running the world!!!!!!!!
A woman sits on a vagina her whole life, but she don’t know what it is, what it’s for, where to find it, what she should do with it, and what it’s used for…… Men don’t have a vagina, but we know what they are, where to find one, what you are suppose to do with them….. Men are so are so smart, we know vaginas are not weapons, and should never be used as one……. They are to be use for love….. The secret to life is to make love as many times a day as possible…… For your whole life…….

The Platonic Plague… It’s and epidemic, It’s contagious, there’s no cure….. You can’t kill the cause of Platonic Plague, it would be murder…….. Men must suffer the Platonic Plague.

I didn’t create the universe, I didn’t create the earth…… I did not create life, I didn’t create man…… I did not have anything to do with creating females!!!!!! I had nothing to do with the creation of humans, kissing, tits, vaginas, butts, sex, horny, passion, desire, fucking, I don’t know who or what created all of this, but the force, or god intended men and woman to get laid….. All this was in place long before I was born…. So why am I always in deep shit, or being punished, and persecuted  because I like woman, and I’m programed to want to get laid, Isn’t what men and woman were designed to do!!!!! No guy ever asked a female to do something she wasn’t specifically  designed to do, like sex…. Stop persecuting me for being normal guy, who wants and needs to get laid It’s the healthiest thing humans can do….
At least I’m not gay or something weirder………

Kiss a girl, get arrested… Touch a girl, go to jail… Kiss a girl fish, go to hell…..
I was tickled pink to read that Stormy Daniels husband wants a divorce…..  And he wants everything, including their daughter…. What kind of idiot would marry a woman who’s job it is to be a tramp, fuck on film…… To cheat on film, and to brag to the whole world that she had a fucking affair……. I hope he ” Trumps” her in divorce court…… She deserves to get fucked in divorce court, just like men do……. It would be nice to see a man win for a change…..
They are all way’s in a hurry when a girl reaches a certain age, to run out and get her a training bra…… It’s like a badge of honer, right of passage, OH My GOD!!! I have boobs now!! I can flaunt them…… Drives boys crazy with them….. I’m so cool, girls think…
What about boys!!!!! We get to a certain age, we have to suffer the force of, need to get laid.. adolescence with no hope of satisfaction…. Shouldn’t boys get a training girl friend????? A girl to practice on, learn to be a man, an adolescence angel to ease the pain of a fucked up age…… No, training bras are OK, no one could get the importance of a training girlfriend… Another example of why the world is so screwed up…

Born with a vagina!!!!! You can push men around…. You can bully them, use them, lie to them and cheat on them….. Use them, manipulate them…. why can’t you use a vagina for good things…… Instead you use vagina to hurt men…
The last woman I dated, would not hug me, kiss me, or make restraining orders with me… Every conversation started and ended with fix my car….. I finally told her where to go…. I told her thank you for not sleeping with me… If you had, I would have got stuck with half her financial problems, and all her car problems…. No thank you… Sleep with me, then i might fix your car…  I was not looking for revenge… About six weeks later i was going to Dedham community theater… I was sitting at a red light on rt 1, next to Legacy place…. I looked over to my left, and there she was sitting in the car next to me… She screamed, I laughed, she drove away I held back….. Looks like her exhaust was hanging off… Revenge is sweet… If she had played her cards right I could have fixed that too…
I suspect she had a girlfriend, a boy friend, or a married lover she didn’t tell me about…

The favorite flavor of normal, heterosexual men, is pussy spice… The greatest spice in the universe……. What kind of guy, wouldn’t like pussy spice… I love it!!!!! TOO bad pussy Spice is sooooo hard to get….. Come on Lady’s get with program, make with the Spice… The universe will be a much better place……… Like Joan Jett said in the song Cherry Bomb, Get down lady’s you’ve got nothing to lose!!!!!!
P.S. , pussy Spice was not in the Spice girls…..

I was at  country fair, wearing my Dunkin Hooter’s  tee shirt….. A woman with the carnival, saw my shirt and we started talking…. She told me that she started having sex at age 11….. Some older boys talked her into having sex, she didn’t know what sex was….. She thought these boys must really like her if they wanted to do that…… I asked if she liked it??? She told me, he was a kid and lasted about five seconds…… You kept doing it, I asked?? She said yes, from age 11, all threw her teen years, she never stopped having sex.. You must have liked it, she said yes I did….. Did having sex hurt you? She said no……
She told me that she is happily married with kids, and that those years of sex when she was young were great memories…… I wish I had a girl like that in my neighborhood when I was a kid……. My life would have been much happier, What I had in my neighborhood, was stuck up prude girls who would have told their mother if I made a suggestion like sex.. Those girls don’t know what they missed……..
I love pink tornadoes…. They really twist up my nights……
What is the difference between a woman and a urinal???? A urinal never complains If I look at it, or gets upset if I see it naked…. A urinal never calls the police, when you use it for what it was designed to be used for!!!!!! A woman would have you thrown in jail for using her for what she is designed for..
I wonder how a woman would feel if her car called the police every time she tried to put gas in it. Your only sticking the nozzle in a hole for a good reason…. No big deal!!!!!
Or what if a cell phone called the police and had you arrested every time you plugged the u.s.b. cord in….. A little recharge never hurt a woman!!!!!!
If your guitar called the police and had you thrown in jail every time you tried to plug the cord in, there would be no beautiful music……..
A guy I know from work is having a tee shirt made for me that says, AREA 69… Official government secret…. Access denied… Keep out….
I want a tee shirt made that says I love witch spice, and hot cauldron rides…..
Cause I can’t put I love pussy spice, and I like to get laid on a tee shirt and wear it in public……
Woman, love, sex are just witch craft gone very wrong…… It would be so much better if woman were not impossible to get….. How did sex become so wrong in females eyes…
In nature, a vagina doesn’t come with a keep out sign…. That gets added latter for no good reason…

Look up I hate you this Christmas, on you tube by Kate Nash… It’s a song I can relate too… I hate you cause your fucking one of my friends……
If you get to see the movie, Anna and the apocalypses, it’s high school musical meets a zombie movie…. It has a Christmas song that’ a little dirty…….. It’s worth the price of the movie….. One of the lines is, Santa unblock my chimney and empty your sack to night….

What is the difference between a dog, and a woman???? You never have to teach a woman to roll over and play dead…….
The Albatross dodo pussy, It’s a Lemming….. It’s an endangered species….  Endanger of never getting used……
I spent my whole life wanting to, needing to get laid!!!!!! It did not get done like it should have….. Doctor told me, use it or lose it…. Well, no thanks to woman, it didn’t get used properly, or regularly… Now it won’t work at all !!!!!! Thanks girls, for nothing……. Getting laid ain’t so hard to do, and never costs a girl a thing to do it…..
My love life filed bankruptcy, my body disowned me, my dick sued me…. That what happens when you can’t get laid..

There was dating gate, Wedding gate, pregnancy gate, meal ticket gate, celibacy gate, cheating on me gate, fighting gate, divorce gate, the illegal child support gate, the homeless man gate, the alimony gate….. There was everything but the water!!!!! I didn’t get wet…….
I was in a store, and they had honeymoon steaks, a cut I never heard of before….. I asked the cashier if I have to give up my kids, house, car, furniture, money, sanity for those steaks????? Turns out she has been threw a divorce, and thought my comment was funny..
Honey moon steaks, you can only eat them once, then never touch them again….
It’s nice to know some people have a sense of humor…… Thanks Wally, for your support..
A couple of days later it hit me, you can’t eat honeymoon steaks till your wedding night…Then you’ll never be able to eat them again…….
Tacos happen!!!!! Make a burrito happy……
My love life filed bankruptcy, my body disowned me, and my dick sued me…..All cause I can’t find a girlfriend……..
I’m already a ghost!!!!
A casino never hides the slot machine, they leave the slot machines out were you can find them, and play with them…. I f only you could teach a woman to do that…..
Being a normal male, will get you thrown in jail……
Lady slippers, and foxglove… A deadly combination….
Lynch pins rule….. Hitch it up….. Hook it up….
Hey Sam, shouldn’t you be kissing Vestals feet????? Us normal men will be passionately kissing the normal woman’s butt…. and a couple of other things….
A pink nose, is better than a brown nose…….
Don’t COP ulate my life stupid…..

A couple of years ago, my mother was talking about giving up driving, she’s old and a little scared of accidents…. I made a deal with mom to buy her car….. In January she had a stroke…. She is staying with my brother, in between the nursing home, and living by herself again……. I hadn’t said anything about the car till I see how much she recovers….. She might not be able to drive again….
My nephew, wants a car so bad he can taste it, but doesn’t have any money…. My brother doesn’t have any money either…. The only way he can get a car is to con my mom out of her car……. He will promise to pay her, but won’t…. They are putting so much pressure on my mom over the car, under the guise of we need the car to take care of you, that my mom begged my to back out of the deal I had to buy the car….. I had told my brother that I was buying the car from mom, I hope this is not going to be a problem…… I had predicted to my other brother they would try to take moms car, and I was right….. I’m really mad about this, but can’t do any thing about it…… If i buy the car, every one will be mad at me….. And mom will give the nephew the money to buy a car…… If I bow out, my mom will never get a dime for the car…… I can’t stop mom, and I can’t protect her, I can’t make them pay her…. It’s a catch 22… I’m in the right, they are wrong……. I had to back down… I lose, mom loses……… Don’t the good guys ever win……. I’ll let karma take over………
My mom is back to living on her own…. My nephew has her car….. I knew this would happen….

I met a woman at King Richards Faire, In October 2018….. She jerked me around till June 2019….. She would not let me go to her apartment.. She would not tell me where she worked…. She would not hug me, kiss me, or make love to me… The only thing she seamed to want, was for me to fix her car… For free… I think she had a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or she was sleeping with a married guy…. She would not come to my house for fear I was trying to get her alone…. When the transmission died in my car, she said, your going to be so busy fixing your car, you won’t have time to fix mine… I was made for two days, then i called her and dumped her… I told her, thank you for not sleeping with me…. It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.. If you had slept with me, I would have got stuck with half your money problems, and all your car problems…… Six weeks later I was going to Dedham community theater… I was sitting at a red light besides Legacy Place… I look to my left, and there she was beside me… She screamed, I laughed, she took off at the green light… Her exhaust had fallen off… Her car never got fixed…  I was not looking for revenge, but that was perfect…… I have sense stopped looking for a girlfriend…. It’s a scam…

Do not Impeach the President…… Impale the peaches….. With a little cherry on top….
Chastity belt malfunction…. What the world needs is more chastity belt malfunctions…  If there were more chastity belt malfunctions, we would get laid more often…..
We could use restraining order malfunctions too…..

I’m a Vagdrama school drop out,
I couldn’t take the pressure,
I couldn’t take the pain.
I couldn’t take what those Vagdrama girls,
Were doing to my brain…….
I’m a Vagdrama school drop out,
I just wanted to get laid
Those Vagdrama girls wanted money,
They wanted to get paid……
Vagdrama girls look good,
They pretend to be hot…..
I learned fast I was never,
Going to get into a Vagdrama slot……
Dirty magazines get it right….. They expose woman for what they really are….. If it were not for dirty magazines, I would not remember what woman really look like……
There has to be more to life, than work, bills, and Celibacy…..
I would have enjoyed marriage more if I could have cheated too… My wives could get as many men as they wanted, any time they wanted… I could not get any woman.. It was totally unfair….
If I knew then, what I know now, when i got married I would have saved money for my divorce…..
Sex… Entertaining, educational, important to humans…. Miss understood by woman…..
Life passed me buy, while I worked….. My wife cheated while I worked….. My kids grew up while I worked….. The house fell apart while I worked… My hobbies collected dust while I worked….. I didn’t get laid while I worked… I got old while I worked.. love passed me by while i worked… The whole world passed me by, while I worked…. The bills kept coming while I worked…. I ended up with nothing, cause I worked….
I wish woman would give me a pre approved offer of pussy…
Woman are a lot like A.A.  They help you quit having sex……
I was married to a wife supremacist……
I’m glad I’m not a Gynecologist…. I would be in jail with Harvey now…..
Signs we should see…. Vagina Zone…. Absolutely no fucking…. Violators will be jailed…
I need a tee shirt that says, what part of anatomically correct, don’t you understand….
Use Vaginas for what they were designed for… The world would be a happier place…..
I have never met someone who has the corona virus….. But my second wife had the Coors lite virus really bad… Cost me a lot of money…
I hadn’t seen my wife for a couple of years, so I stopped to visit her…. We had a very nice conversation… Then i drove out of the cemetery… She has become a really good listener…

Corona Corner…. Making fun of bull shit….

I want to send out for a mail order virus… What virus should I pick????
The retirement virus… I can’t afford to retire, so if the virus kills me I don’t have to worry about bills and money anymore…..
The population control virus…. Forced survival of the fittest…….
The financial virus…. Kills lots of people… Then the government can steal the dead peoples money form the bank and stock market…..
The political control virus….. Hopefully it will kill all the Demarcates, and the people can have America back………
The divorce virus….. Kills men, leaves buildings standing……The down side… You can’t fuck men for child support, and alimony if they are dead…..
The Armageddon virus, Fulfills the proficiency with out firing a shot….
The dooms day virus…. Like the machine on the episode of star trek… Killed two sides in a war, but there was no way to turn it off…. It kept killing…..
The government created virus… Dumped on the Chinese, to get even for something….. Spreads around the world, kills us all…….
my two wives were ahead of their time….. They practiced sexual distancing and vagina quarantine, many years ago….
Corvid 69 One disease woman stay away from….
You can’t kiss or do a 69 with face mask on……
Pretty good, a man made disease that kills the old, weak, sick…. It was designed to clean out nursing homes, old age homes, retirement community’s….. I gets old people off of medicare, and social security….. Thins out the baby boomers…. Saves the Government a shit load of money, cause they spent it all, and there is no social security…..
The only thing worse than being quarantined with no pussy, is being quarantined with pussy you can’t have….. The marriage virus is a killer…
Woman are like lays potato chips….. No man can eat just one….
I us to drink over a girl that got away……. I got sober, and she is still gone….
My clean mind, and your clean mind, should get together, and do some good clean fucking…
I have been trying to cross a line that shouldn’t exist, for most of my life…
I want to go back to an area when woman liked men, loved sex, and wanted to get laid…..
Humpty Pumpty, all the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn’t put virginity back together again…
My dating web site was, plenty of fat, ugly fish.com… They didn’t like the hook, they wouldn’t take the bate, they wouldn’t eat the worm…..
The biggest heart break I ever had was the one who I let get away… The one I never got over, was the one I let get away…She wasn’t someone who dumped me… She wasn’t a girlfriend or wife…. She’s the one I’ve loved most of my life… It’s like a bad lifetime or Hallmark movie….
National P.M.S. institute…. It’s crazy….
Innuendo overdrive….. A dirty mind on steroids….. A good thing…..
Wedding with out a groom….. No meal ticket, no cheating, no child support, no alimony…
A wife needs a boyfriend to jump start her dead battery….
Weir Wife… Howling in the bedroom… Showing me her full moon….
I got married in a church, and lived in hell….. Marriage didn’t workout, heaven didn’t last long… The honey moon was short… I learned that making love ain’t a woman’s sport…
The only time a wife makes love is with someone else…
Marriage is like a football contract… There’s a lot of dead money, and no performance clause…
Dating and fish… Fishing you get a big mouth bass… dating you catch a big mouth, with a big ass…
I don’t need no restraining order romance…
Girls have love to burn…. And men to burn too…..
The most popular thing a man gets after marriage…. Pulled pork… That’s the only way the job gets done..
If love had an express lane, it would be 12 woman or less…
Woman dress sexy, so they can avoid sex…The one necessity girls don’t understand……
We need an amendment to the united states cuntstitution…
I married a wife supremacist….
There’s suppose to be  a woman behind every great man… Instead there is a woman behind every great break up, heart break, or divorce……
The difference between the red tide and getting laid…. Getting laid is much more fun…..
We the tax payer…. We agree to blindly like sheep, send all our money to the government for nothing…. To have no rights, and to do what we are told…..
With a little compassion and understanding, we can rise above celibacy…..
There has to be more to life than, work, bills, taxes, celibacy….
I need a bed room time out….
Woman dress sexy, get made up sexy, act sexy, so they can avoid sex….
I’m not growing old alone… I’m growing old with out all the bull shit of a wife girlfriend….
Boy meets girl… Girl gets a restraining order…. Boy live happily ever after…
Hide the Vestal venium….
Woman wear R rated closes, on a X rated body, in a P.G. movie….. One flue over the censers…..
Love is a bully, it pushes you around.. And it hurts you…
I want to be country satisfied…..
Friends with Christmas benefits……. Do more than kiss under the mistletoe…
Beware of wives and girlfriends… The dog won’t hurt you…
Love, the heart break thrill…
Pussy la phew…..
It’s raining drama……. It should be raining pussy juice……

Feature, Garage Physiology……
I’ve been around a garage most of my life, and I could write a book about it, and the crazy things guys do….. This is based on many garages over 40 years…..
The only air hose, extension cord, creeper, floor jack, they can ever find, is the one I’m using……. There are the ones who only listen to shit for music…… I listen to country, oldies, classic rock, and a or a station that plays a good variety… They play shit for music too loud…. The worst, news, sports, talk, radio….. Please shoot me now….. Rap, Reggae, hip hop, Cuban, Mexican, south American, weird songs no one ever heard before should not be played in that situation….. And never loud……..
Guys in a shop, don’t know how to close draws, cabinets, doors…… They don’t put things back, so you can find them….. They pee on the toilet seat, not enough brains to put it up….
Borrowers, relentless, ignorant idiots!!!!! If you need a tool go buy it…. It is so annoying to have someone constantly wanting to borrow something….. And wondering if your going to get it back…. Going threw my tool box when I’m not looking, it’s not necessary, and it’s rude….. A guy borrowed a specialty vice grip, Didn’t give it back, then got fired… i had to buy a new one….. &24.00….. He stole my air saw blades too, took them out of my box…
Get out of my fucking parking spot!!!!! Always someone trying to take my spot…. I worked at a shop, where I parked in the dirt, next to a big oak tree…. Suddenly, a spot no one ever wanted to park in, became the most popular spot…… A, holes!!!!!!! Everyone wants to park in front of me, behind me, beside me….. I always get some jerk parks beside me during lunch, and leaves the noisy truck running…… Some idiots stand behind my car at lunch and talk on their phone, or stage bull shit sessions where I can hear them… My lunch time is the noisiest half hour of the day….
People can’t walk around you, they have to walk threw the area where you are working and walk on your tools…. If they need a fender stand, just take the one I’m using, don’t bother finding one I’m not using….
Name calling, I get sick of hearing my name all day long for no reason at all… The only time someone is looking for me, is when I’m in the bathroom, and can’t get up fast…. The jerk who knocks on the bath room door, real loud, and is gone when you get out, so you can’t punch his lights out…..
Practical jokes….. Sometimes are cool, but often get carried away…… Some guys don’t know when to quit…… I worked at a place where the druggie, would pour battery acid on metal shavings next to the vent into the bathroom,, man did that stink.. What an asshole!!!
I’m not gay…. I have never been gay, never will be…. I like girls, even if they are a pain in the ass, and impossible to get….. So gay insinuation is bad….. A guy asked me if I want to have sex, if I want to fuck, he try’s to kiss me, hug me, and says he wants to threw me into bed……. Come on, even if I was gay, that would not happen at work….
I won’t go in the break room at lunch….. Noisy, loud, rude, inconsiderate, constant cell phone noise and talking….
Smoking pot at work….. No one should ever be smoking pot or drinking during work!!!!! You can’t work while impaired…. I can’t drink, alcohol makes me sick… Pot fumes also make me sick… You are hurting my health, by smoking pot around me……..
Showing up for work hung over, effects the quality of work, it also tends to any others when you take out your hangover on co workers…. I’ve had to deal with  hungover guys who didn’t want you to make any noise……. That’s impossible in a garage…
The latest thing is due to the corona virus….. I got layed off… I stopped at work unannounced a couple of weeks later t0o find out that he closed the other location near the city, and brought in that crew in our place…. At least temporally, I have been replaced, and don’t know if i still have a job…. My tools are still there…….
To be continued…….

Feature…. Famous woman I wish I could date….. Non of whom, would ever bother with me…. No body pretty ever has, or ever will date me, or sleep with me…. I’ve been proving it sense elementary school…… I can’t even get nobody’s, or fat, or ugly girls to go out with me… I’ve never had any luck with woman….. Here’s a dream list….
Charlize Theron, Milla Jovovich, Jennifer Lawrence, Miley Montana, Brittany Spears, Selena Gomez, Katie Cassidy, Lindsey Lohan, Susan Cowsill, Agent 99, Wrangler Jane, Mary Ann, { not Ginger! } Liv Tyler, Gemma Arterton, Dakota fanning, Elizabeth Olsen, Gina Gershon, Drea de Matteo, Ashley Scott, Haley Lu Richardson, Brooklyn Decker, Jana Kramer, Keira Knightley, Lea Thompson, Paige, Annalynne McCord, Candace Cameron Bure, Danica McKellar, The girls of Runaway June, all three, Rachel Boston, Mackenzie Porter, Alicia Vikander, Kelsey Balerini, Marin Morris, Mandy Moore, Ann Hathaway, Emma Roberts, Sara Paxton, Jenny Slate, Chloe Grace Moretz, Amanda Bynes, Gammora, Zoe Saldana,,,Karen Gillan, Jennifer Aniston, Elle Fanning, Daisy Ridley, Drew Barrymore, Zoey Deutch, Eva Green, Amy Schumer, Emma Stone, Rachel Weisz, Summer Glau, Jessica Rothe,,, Kaley Cuococo, Reese Witherspoon, Anna Kendrick, Lisa Kudrow, Margot Robbie, Elizabeth Banks, Becky G Ludilin, Kate Winslet, Hillery Duff, Lucy Hale, Gwyneth Paltrow, Saoirse Ronan, Mia Wasikowska, Tilda Swinton, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kate Hudson, Goldie Horn, Kate Beckinsale, Melissa Joan Hart, Bea Santos, Carlene Carter, Lacey Chabert, Mila Kunis, Emily Hampshire, Scarlett Johansson, Hayden Panettiere, Leighton Meester, Annasophia Robb, Alice Englert, Kara Hayward, Lucy Fry, Isla Fisher, Debby Ryan, Isabel Glasser, Lily James, Juliette Binoche, Kat Dennings, Shailene Woodley, Amanda Crew, Bella Heathcote, Michelle Pfeiffer, Bella Thorne, Mae Whitman, Joan Jett,  Aubrey Plaza, Alia Shawkat, Winona Ryder, Emmy Rossum, Dolly Parton, Jessica Alba, Peggy Lipton, { R.I.P. } Halston Sage, Jennifer Beals, Kate Nash, Liz Phair, Lita Ford, Sandy West, Carrie Underwood, Sherrie Currie, Ashly Judd, Riley Kenough, Patty Loveless, Lacy J. Dalton, Jannie Frickie, The girls from Skillet, Gretchen Wilson, Tanya Tucker, Wendy Wilson, China Philips, Ronnie Spector, Dianna Ross, Rita Coolidge, Butterfly Boucher, Diane Keaton, Grace Potter, Jennifer Paige, Jennifer Gardner, Hope Davis, Tessa Thompson, Emma Watson, Tina Fey, Emilia Clark, Jessica Caspian, Alison Krouse, Evangelina Lilly, Elena Kampouris, Lila McCann, Heather Gram, Heather Locklear, Sondra Locke, Crissy Hyde, Taylor Shilling, Melanie, Lorde, Maddona, Priscilla Presley, Holly Hunter, Holly Dunn, Julian Moore, The Kinleys, Tina Fey, Michelle Williams, Michelle Monaghan, Carly Rae Jepson, Kara Mckinnon, Lucy Boynton, Kriston Bell, Meryl Streep, Salma Hayek, Alice Eve, Krysten Ridder,`Frances O’Connor, Kerry Russell, Aly Michalka, A.J. Michalka, Demi lovato, Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Laura Linney, Jamie Chung, Carla Gugino, Loretta Lynn, Sissy Spacek, Alexandra Dadoario, Catherine Mary Stewart, Teresa Palmer, Jill Wagner, Brook Langton, Charlene Closshey, Marilu Henner, Alicia Whitt, Michelle Holden, Emma Thompson, Melissa Joan Hart, Maria Sokoloff, Catherine Bell, Jean Smart, Andrea Roth, Ashley Williams, Kelli Williams, Vilde Zeiner, Kristin Chenoweth, Nicole Eggert, Zoey Deschanel, Virgina Madsen, Lindsey Haun, Nia Vardalos, Alyson Hannigan, Tara Reid, Jennifer Coolidge, Naomi Watts, Amy Smart, Torrey Devitto Stevelund, Jenny McCarthy, Connie Britton, Julie Benz, Elizabeth Berkley, Beverly D’angelo, Christina Milian, Michelle Morgan, Amber Marshall, Rita Wilson, Jessica Biel, Roma Downey, Julia Roberts, Mara Rooney, Ogla Kurylenko, Meissa Leo, Andrea Riseborough, Kathryn Prescott, Marg Helgenberger, Jodie Comer, Rachel Platten, Laurie Morgan, Jacklin Smith, Megan doll, Jessica Chobot, Maria Menenos, Candy O’terry, Sofia Pernas, Stassi Schroeder, Sara Evens, Sara’s sister, Karen Fairchild, Pussy Galore, Lisa Vaginapump, Daisy Duke, Meja, Bobby Gentry, Lane Brody, Jeannie C Riley, Rose Ann Cash, Carlene Carter, Barbra Eden, Lynn Anderson… Jennifer Conlley  Kasey Musgraves, Mikaela Shiffrins, Chloe Kim, Ella Purnell, Caitlin Fitzgerald, Shelly West, The wild rose, Jessie Buckley, JoDee Messina, Jandee Lee Porter, Danielle Bradberry, Piper Perabo, Samara Weaving, Cara Delevingne, Kassi Ashton, Hallie Atwell, Erin karpluk, Julia Hatfield , Vanessa Evigan, Bethenny Frankel, Lili Reinhart, Constance Wu, Lily Rose Depp, Rachael Platten, Kristan Leahy, Francessa Eastwood, Ruby Rose, Shakira, J.lo, Rebecca Dalton, Erin Cahill, Lindsay Wagner, Monica Knox, Kaitlyn Leeb, Laura Marano, Jodie Sweetin, Brittany Underwood, Megan Park, Torry Devitto, Kimberley Sustad, Aoife O’donovan, Ally Brooke, Ingrid Anders, Joanna Howard, Ashley Wagner, Betty Gilpin, Kelly Jakle, Eve Lindly, Mollie King, Fiona Apple, Zoe Kazan, Aly Spatro, Ellie Goulging, Jena Rose, Shauna Sand, Christina Agullera, Jeni Ross, Miranda Otto, Bethany joy Lenz, Erin Krakow, Ashley Campbell, Lisa Durupt, Nicky Whelan, Sarah Drew, Megan Hilty, Tiya Sircar….Sarah Paulson, Vanessa Lachey, Joanna Garcia, Amber Benson, Jaime Ray Nawman, Jodie Sweetin, Rebecca Dalton, Laura Marano, Isabella Gomez, Lucy Boyton, Sydney Penny, Grace Fulton, Orianthi, Thora Birch, Mary Hopkin, Lita Ford, Lzzy Hail, Hailee Steinfeld, Olivia Wilde, Michelle Dockery, Gretchen Wilson, Herma Hilmar, Malin Akerman, Yifei Liu’s, Gong Li…..
My illusive Muse, who’s entrance into my life over 51 years ago, started me writing, story’s, poems, songs…. She would become the witch / Angel of my dreams…. I owe her an explanation, and a great deal of thanks….  Angelique Collins, I don’t know the actresses name……      { Who Inspired my fascination with witch’s, Via Dark shadows when I was a kid. } ……..
To be continued, If I come up with more names…….
As you can see I have very good taste in woman….. I fall for the best… But I can never get the ones I like.. They will never date me, love me, sleep with me… This is all wishful thinking, and not to be taken seriously …… Thank you lady’s for having a sense of humor in this dream…….. Story’s, comedy, Dreams are all I have left…. I have to thank my D.V.D. , collection, I could not have come up with this many names on my own…….. If there are any duplicate names, it was an accident….. I realize some of these woman are too young for me, some are too old…. You can’t control who you find attractive…. Some were crushes I had as a kid, from t.v. or radio…..
To any nice lady’s, who’s names are not on the list, I didn’t leave you out on purpose…… I couldn’t think of your name with out help……

Twisted song lyrics….. R  rated words to songs you know and love….. Don’t blame me if you don’t like these, It’s real life, Not the never have sex land, today’s females want…
I think this post is protected by freedom of speech…. If you don’t like it, go away…..

Sung to the tune of Blueberry hill…..
I found my fucking thrill, cause she took the pill, on Blueberry hill, when I fucked her……
The moon stood still, as I went in for the kill, balls deep in her, on blue berry hill…
The wind in the willows, couldn’t hide the noise, cause I was making her scream, in the great out doors….
Tho were apart, I remember her still, the night i fucked her for real, cause she took the pill…. On blue berry hill…….. I got her cherry!!!!!! On blue berry hill………

Sung to the tune of White Christmas….
I’m dreaming of some tight pussy just like the ones I use to know…..
The ones I had in High school, fuck the rules, we were getting Laid,
I’m dreaming of some tight pussy with every love song that I wright….
May the pussy be cherry, and tight,,,,, And may all the pussy feel right!!!!!!!

Sung to the tune of , now I lay me down to cheat…. { Shelly West.  1982, It’s on you tube.. }
Now I lay me down to puck and all the woman I want to buck…
I fallen angel between her legs, when I lay me down to fuck
It’s a nice night, think I feel like dancing… And later on I’ll bring some cowgirl home…..
Your never around, your ass you won’t let me pound, why do I have a wife, when she won’t sleep with me…..  She won’t bang me!!!!!
Now I lay me down to cheat, Stray woman can’t be beat…. I try to keep tramps off the street,,, When I lay me down to fuck And she gives me a little,,,,,,, suck…….

Sung to the tune of, moon dance…..
It’s a marvelous night for some big boobs, with the moon up above in the sky……
It’s a marvelous night to get laid under the cover of October sky’s……
And the sweet, sweet pussy, seams to be hot to the touch,
And all the sex magic, makes you, kind of blush……
Can I just have one more moon fuck with you, my love…..
Can I just do one more great 69, with you, my love……..
Can I have just have one more,,,,,,,, Moon fuck with you, my love……

Sung to the tune of, Chapel of love…
Going to the bed room, and were gonna get laid,
going to the bed room and were gonna get laid…
man I’m really horny and were gonna get laid,
Going to the bed room, of love!!!!!!
OOH, birds will sing, we don’t need a stupid ring,
OOH, I’ll lick you, if you keep licking me……
Gonna puck and we won’t tarry,
Hell were not getting married….
Just going to the bed room of fucking love………..

Sung to the tune of, I almost called her baby by mistake…… The Gatlin brothers, 1982….
I almost fucked your best friend by mistake,
Almost tried to make with her, what only you and I could make…..
I almost stuffed my dick into her pussy and it would have felt great!!!!!!
I almost banged your hot best friend, by mistake…….
I really sixty 9’ed your best friend by mistake,
Truth be known I wanted to, thank God you didn’t catch us…….
I almost came inside her with a vengeance, after drinking beer…….
I wish I’d fucked your best friend by mistake!!!!!!!

Sung to the tune of, Little Red riding hood…..
Hey there little red riding snatch,
I want to be in your bushy patch……..
Your everything a big bad dick would want…..
Hey there little red riding snatch,
I’d like to whip up a big batch…..
Of hot seamen for you lovely twat…..
What big tits you have, all the better to suck and grab,
You better take the pill, so i won’t get caught having a thrill…
Hey there little red riding snatch,
I hope there won’t be a legal catch….
I can leave money in your basket for you………
What big boobs you have, the kind that drives a man mad…
Your everything a horny wolf man could want…….
What a big dick I have, just the kind to drive snatch mad….
Before we use the bed at grandmas place, I’ll finger fuck you for a while…
I’m gonna keep a sheep skin condom on, till I’ve been shown,
that you can be trusted to take the pill before you leave home……

Sung to the tune of, Smell of incense… By south west f.o.b., 1967….
She was a beautiful chic, she was teasing my dick,,
I had the hots for the girl, with her hair all swirls……
She is a childhood dream, I wanted to make her scream…..
I asked her to take off her blue jeans,
And the smell of pussy filled the room….
And the sweet smell of pussy filled the room………
She went down on my Richard, licking it so quick….
I was filled with desire, my head was on  fire…..
She put my fingers into her twat, she was amazingly hot…..
I put my face down on her muff, couldn’t get enough of her stuff,
And the smell of pussy filled the room…..
And the sweet smell of pussy filled the room….
The smell or pussy filled my head…….

Sung to the tune of, Will you still love me tomorrow…
Tonight your pussy is mine completely,
You blowing me so sweetly…..
Tonight the look of lust is in your eyes,
But will you still fuck me tomorrow…….
Is this a lasting orgasmic treasure,
Or just a moment of fucking treasure,
Tonight the look of lust is in your eyes,
But will you still fuck me tomorrow……..
Tonight with sex unspoken, you tell me I’m the only one,
Will i be replaced, when the lust meets the rising sun…..
I need to know if your love, Is a piece of ass I can be sure of,
Tonight that look of lust is in your eyes,
but will you still fuck me tomorrow….

Sung to the tune of, Smoking in the boys room…..
Looking down the hall, there ain’t no body here,
Got a couple of girls, were looking for somewhere…..
For some privacy, a little time alone,
Looking for a place to go and bone…..
Gonna hide in a place with stall and a throne….
Fucking in the girls room, fucking in the girls room,
Don’t you fill me up with your rules,
Cause everybody knows that fucking ain’t allowed in school…..
Looking in the girls room, there ain’t nobody here…..
I wish we had a couple cans of beer…….
me and Mary we are in the end stall,
Her legs are spread, and shes up against the wall…..
My buddy is getting a blow job, in stall no two,
From a red head, named Becky Sue…
Fucking in the girls room, Fucking in the girls room,
Don’t you slam me with your stupid rules,
Everybody knows that fucking ain’t allowed in school…..
{ unless teachers are doing it….. Just saying…. }

Sung to the tune of, Give peace a chance….
All men are saying, is give sex a chance,
all men are saying , is give sex a chance……
Woman are talking about restraining orders,
money to spend, sexual boarders…..
Alimony, being phony, girl baloney,
Staying away from the man Salome…
All men are saying, is give sex a chance….
All men are praying, to give sex a chance……

Sung to the tune of cold turkey…
Cold pussy has got me on the run,
Cold pussy has got me on the run……
My temperatures rising, but you won’t let me in….
I’m going crazy, for a piece of your skin….
Cold pussy has got me on the run……

Sung to the tune of dear prudence….
Dear vagina, won’t you come out to play,
Dear vagina, It’s a bran new day……
My dick is up, the sky is blue,
Life is beautiful, and vaginas are too…
Dear vagina, won’t you come out to play,
Dear vagina, it doesn’t pay to be gay…….
Men have needs, girls do too,
so lets get laid, like humans are meant too…..
Dear Vaginas, won’t you come out to play….
Dear vaginas, let me put my face between your legs…….

Sung to the tune of, If I had a hammer…
If I had a pussy, I’d get laid in the morning,
I’d get laid in the evening, get laid anytime I want…
I’d get hammered for freedom, get fucked for justice,
Get laid to ring my body, all over this land…..
If I had a pussy, I could get laid any time,
I wouldn’t waist sex, like woman always do….
Cause men understand sexual freedom,
Men know sexual justice, Men know sex between men and woman is a good thing,,
I’d get laid all over this land,,, all over this land, It pays to think like a man……

Sung to the tune of, I want to hold your hand….
Well I’ll tell you something, I think you’ll understand……
When I say that something, I want to eat your gland……
I want to spread your legs, I want to spread your legs…..
Well yea you got that vagina, I touch it with my hands….
Well your hot as hell, Your pussy is so grand, grand,
I want to spread your legs, I want to spread your legs….
And when I fuck you I’m so happy in side,,,
It’s such a feeling that my dick, is inside, it’s inside!!!!!
I want to spread your legs, I want to spread your legs,,,
I want to spread your legs, legs, legs, your legs!!!!!!

Sung to the tune of, Black magic woman….
I’ve got some pink magic pussy, got some pink magic pussy,
Got some pink magic pussy, got me so blind I can’t see…
Got some pink magic pussy, and it’s made a devil out of me….
I’ve got your spell on me baby, I’ve got your pussy juice all over me….
Your sitting on my face, and I’m so excited I can’t breath…..
I’ve got some pink magic pussy, and I’m going to cum inside of thee….

Sung to the tune of, If i had a million dollars….
If I had a lot of pussy, If I had a lot of pussy,
I could have a lot of fun, I could be inside your buns….
If I had a lot of pussy, If I had a lot of pussy,,,,
I’d get laid every day, and every night…..
If I had a lot of pussy, I’d cum inside of you,,,
And if I had a lot of pussy, I’d be rich…..

Sung to the tune of, That don’t impress me much….
You think your really smart, you wear a short skirt to show of you stuff,
You think your hot, your think you’ve got flirting, down to an art…
But that won’t get me off at night..
Your pussy don’t impress me much, It’s made all wrong, it’s hard to touch,
It’s so big it could fit a mack truck, Your pussy don’t impress me much…
There are other woman who are more fun to touch, their pussy is perfect,
I can eat them for lunch, they are good in bed, have nice tits…
So you’ve got a Vagina!!! That don’t impress me much, your ego is inflated, your brain is out of touch, you’ve got nothing to cause a big fuss….
Your pussy don’t impress me much……. and you ruin it by making me wear a rain coat!!!!
You don’t impress me much!!!!

Sung to the tune of we don’t talk any more…
It’s so funny how we don’t fuck any more…….

I saw mommy fucking Santa Clause, under neath the Christmas tree last night……
They didn’t see me sneak, down stairs to have a peek, they thought that I was in my bed so fast asleep….
But I saw mommy fucking Santa Clause , under neath the Christmas tree last night…
What a sight it would have been, if daddy had only seen, mommy fucking Santa Clause last night…

Sung to the tune of the girls just want to have fun…
I’m so horny in the middle of the night,
I need some pussy so hot and so tight…
But I’ve go no girlfriend to help me get off,
The boys just want to get laid, the boys just want to get laid……
Girls like to spend money they don’t get the point,
They waist time on booze, or on smoking a joint,
Girls don’t get that sex is still number one…
The boys just want to get laid, the boys just want to get laid….
That’s all boys really need to do, To chase away the human blues….
It’s that simple, sex needs to get done… The boys just want to get laid…..
The boys just need to get laid, it’s important that the boys get laid…..

Sung to the tune of white horse……
It’s too late for you and your pink pussy, to fuck me now…. Silly girl……

More twisted songs to come……. When I get more ideas…

Names for all girl bands, that we wish we would hear……

The Boobs.
The runaway house wives…
The traveling Vaginas…..
The cheats….
The gold diggers….
The cat and sixty nine tails…..
The support scams…..
Denise, and the fix my car girls….
The water pumps…..
The pink gold band….
Twin mountains……
The Beaver Valley band…..
Carla’s bad cavern lady’s…….
The bike seat stink…….
The nasty reputations……
Temptation will get you in jail…..
The Sex destroyers………
Vesta’s Virgins…….
The fridgged  psychopaths……
The Back seat girls……
The mad, mad, mad, wives.

Will add more as I think of them…….

T.V. and movie titles for real life… These are R and XXX rated…

Smokey and the hooker…. Sally will do…
Little Vaginas…..     Doe’s that come with a side order of pretty, hot, horny, little woman????
Gilligan’s island whore house.. I want Mary Ann..
It takes a house wife to be a thief…    Ask my wife…
The facts of getting laid…. It’s life…. Please explain it to females…
Mission vagina impossible…   Vaginas shouldn’t be hard to get…..
Lost in pussy space.. A Penny for my thoughts…. Danger, danger!!!!!!
The life of Riley the house wife…  Men should be so lucky…..
The marriage twilight zone…   Ben there, done that…..
Pussy is for ever…. Fuck diamonds, I want pussy galore….
Live and let fuck….   Sounds like a plan….
I dream of Jeanie’s pussy..    I’m all bottled up……
Where vaginas go, trouble follows… Had a crush on Hayley…
The bananas in a split…  Nanana, nanana……
Nancy Drew, and the Vagina mystery…. Can I help solve that….
The snatch game…   Now that’s a game that works for me…
The penis awakens…  It never go’s to sleep…
Star Whores…. May the force of pussy be with you….
Green pussy achkers…..  She won’t be green for long…..
My mother the slut…
Bikini beach brothel….
Moon pussy Raker…..
For your thighs only…
Back seat musical…    The good old days…
Super horny girl…
Down panty periscope……
Peppermint pussy… I can lick that…
Ready vagina one…. Can I play???
Good will vagina hunting…   They ain’t all made right…
The black book accountant…
Easy lay…
Wild pussy rose…. Love you Jessy…
Mortal vagina engines…
The 5’th period wave..   A bloody mess….
Atomic Blond vagina…         I could spy on that…
Only fuckers left alive…  Bite me…..
Under the covers blood wars…. Yes Selene!!!!!
Forever my piece of ass…
How to fuck a guy in ten days…
No tampon strings attached…
What I hate about divorce…
Red Vagina…   Agent Kattness, I have a sex school…
Miss Peregrines home for sexually active children…. It’s a secret…
Winter’s bona…
Vagina gone…..
Birds of sexual prey…. Ashley, hunt me..
A piece of ass for Christmas…
Get horny… It’s smart… I loved agent 69….
A girlfriend to bang for Christmas….
Hogans well hung hero’s…
Straight outta divorce court….
The rat wife patrol…
Vagina-getten…. It’s the end of the world…
I know who fucked me…. { Lindsey, I wish it was me who fucked you… }
The wild girl kingdom….
Who’s the cunt????   Lets not get bossy…
Sanford and son’s cat house…
Masturbates hotel….   Been there sense I got married…….
Bridge over the river twat…..
Vagina Valley P.T.A…..  { P.T.A…. Pussy, Tits, Ass…. }
The Cowgirl bootie way….
The lying, the wife witch, and the cheating new wardrobe….. She’s the ice Queen to me…..
Pretty leg junction….. Who needs a petty coat to cover that….
Dirty little lying vaginas…
The imitation woman game….   You can’t crack that code….
Birds of lay…. Great Scott, Ashley I love you…..
The perks of having a vagina…… Wish i had one, I’d get laid twice a day…..
The sex files…. Calling Agent Scully to my bed…
Fantasy high school island….
It’s a wonderful vagina….
The Christmas pussy….
Holiday shack up inn…
Dora the Sexplorer…. It’s a teenager thing…..
Parasite wife… Been there, done that….
Cowgirls don’t fuck…. But they sure make cowboys cry….
Last Christmas,,,, she gave me her pussy…. But not her heart…
The eternal sunshine of the spotless Vagina……
Escapades in Vaginas….. Hey Florence!!!!
The wonderful world of pussy…..
The wild kingdom of hormones….
Mussel Bitch…
Cunts out… It’s better than knives…
Avalanche of pussy….
Fucking the Veep… In the white house….
Here come the slut brides….
The wild, wild, pussy….. In the west…
The dead pussy society….. There lots of that…
Joe verses the vagina….. A volcano would be less dangerous…
Feels pretty good in pink… If and when a guy can get there…
Tammy and the back seat bachelor….
Fivel go’s up a queers ass…
Fucking Ferris Buellers sister, on my day off….
The super fuck bowl, half time blow….
Anastasia doe’s Moscow….
Everything about woman is taboo….
To Russian pussy, with love….
Cinderella fucks a prince…. That’s what the fairy tail is all about….
Beauty and the Ass hole…. Woman always end up with an Ass hole… But not me…
The Princess and the penis…..
Ella’s enchanted pussy….
Pure country horny…
The imitation marriage game….
Horny hollow…. There ain’t no sleeping there…..
The night they saved a great piece of ass, on Christmas……
Gold Penis…… Or gold pussy…
Octopussy….. I didn’t have to change that one…..
Laura Cunt, Womb raider…
Ex machine pussy…. Love you Alisha Vagina….
Vagina and friends.. Have a heart..
Crazy ex piece of ass……
Donna Reid’s pussy…
Late night with a hot babe…..
Men know best….
Missy Taylor Whore…..
My Rhoda Rooter…
Treasure Booty….. To be stranded on an Island with that…
Two broke horny girls…… I love Katt……
The time to fuck tunnel….
Home woman improvement….. Use a tool guys….
Hello down there Vagina…..
Sexcapades in Florence..
Escape from the witches tit mountains….
Battle of the nine month bulge….. Some poor guys gonna pay for that…
A sex league of their own……
Journey to the center of a woman……
It’s a wonderful world of sex life……
Sex at the Holiday inn…
Sex, Accepted…… South Harmon institution of sex……
The invisible Vagina… Man, they hide those things really good…..
Practical Sex….. It’s vagina magic…..
Miss Sexual congeniality…. We could use a lot more of that…..
Gidget’s tits…
Cumming in America…..
Bikini bitch party….
She fucks the monkeys uncle…..
Code Pink… It’s a killer…
A woman’s purpose…. It is easier to teach a dog that…
Lizzy Maguire’s, great animated pussy…..
Cinderellas pussy…… A princess needs to get laid…..
One wedding that felt like three funerals…..
Denise the menace…..
The silver linings pussy play book….
My three hookers…..  Like my wives and girlfriends….
Don’t eat the vaginas…… Stick with daisy’s…
The Borgia dick….. Stick with it honey….
The Adams family cat house…  Their pussy’s kind of spooky, mysterious and sticky, they are too dirty to give a licky, the Adams family cat house…..
Safe Cradle haven…..
Gold pussy…. You can’t finger that….
Last Christmas, I gave you my dick…..
The fuck it list….. I want to fuck all the pretty girls before i die…
Fast times in the Ridgemont girls thighs …..
Deep pussy space 69…
Wonder pussy….. I can get into the Amazon bush…..
The cunt of Monte Christo…… The name says it all…..
The curse of the Mommy who wouldn’t fuck….. i was married to her…
Payton’s pussy place….
Some like pussy hot….
Teenage mutant sex fox…..
My piece of the girl….
Vagina on a hot tin roof….
A Christmas pussy Carol……
A Vagina friend for Christmas…
The final divorce cunt down……
Dark side of the Vagina…. She’s got a nice full moon…
A hard dick night……
All fucking in the family….
My big Root…. Wish i was a sex slave…..
Major pussy…..
A sex odessy…..
Space 69…
Horny invading woman from Mars…. Send them to me…
Guardians of the vaginas… Where do I apply…
Little big horny…….
Pussy Bonnansa…….
Capitain Marvals ass…..
Fuck troop…. Can I have some Wrangler Jane with that..
The over the hill bang….
The journey to the center of a woman……
Where the wild girls are…. Still looking for them…
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Vagina…
Indiana Jones and the last vagina crusade…
Indiana Jones and the holy grail vagina….
A little sex on the Prairie…..
One lay at a time…
The highway to divorce….
Married, with out sex……
Ten things I hate about you shutting me off…..
Sabrina the teen age sex witch…..
Clarissa explains it all about sex…
I love pussy…. Thanks Lucy…..
Adventures in vagina sitting….. Don’t fuck with the vagina sitter…..
Don’t tell mom the vibrator is dead…. Sister killed the battery’s by over using it……..
Earth girls are impossible to get…..
The buns of Jill Sonnet…… She will holster your gun, keep it loaded…

The sexcercist…. She will make your head spin….
The sound of fucking is music…….
That darn pussy….. i had a crush on her…
Restraining orders overboard…
The phantom toll Vagina….. There’s always a toll with woman……
The family cheating way…
Leave it to the beaver….. It will eat your log….
Car 69 where are you…..
The slut mobile….. In the slut mobile, the slut mobile, getting laid in the slut mobile…. there’s nothing like how it feels, getting laid in the slut mobile……
mother, juggs, and speedy pussy…..
The Cunt…. Try hunting that thing…
The vagina trap… That’s how men end up parents……
The child support strain….. It kills men….
My favorite Martin girl…. They don’t say no….
Sex becomes her… Sex is way better than death….
Splendor in her ass….
The  stud and Misses Mure……
A summer place to fuck….
Deep throat 9……
A piece of the pussy action…..
Alice don’t fuck here any more….
Harry Potter, and the deadly vagina….
Back to the future vagina…….
Logan’s cat box run…..
The wrath of my ex wife the con…
Into the darkness of divorce….
Cinderella, the step sisters just needed to get laid…..
Diamonds are forever, pussy is not….
Th-orally horny Millie….. I can live with that….
The perils of fucking Pauline…….. Or any woman for that matter…
Momma cheating in the canyon…. Ask Pappa Phillips….
20 feet from getting laid….. My life story….
Standing in the shadow  of your boy friend…… Always happens to me….
Kill the Irish cunt….
The Italian blow job……. If I could get one, she would never finish the job…..
Mork fucks Mindy….. I would too…..
Joanie sucks off Chachchie…
Happy pussy days…….
To sir with pussy…. I love it……
The sex graduate…….
The mode sex squad……… Dig the pussy brutality……
Kojack off…… I didn’t chose celibacy, celibacy chose me……
Throw celibacy form the train…… Throw Chastity from the train too….
Happy lays….. That’s the American dream…….
The favorite Vagina…. Emma this means you……
Welcome back vagina….. Your back here where we need you…..
The pussy Courier…. Ogla, please deliver….. I lust you….
The incredible hulking tits….
The pussy Avengers….. How do I join…..
Charlie’s slutty angels….. What an adventure…… count me in……
Oh no, not another teenage vagina movie….. i wish I was young enough to get in…..
Blunt force vagina monologue…… Don’t talk about it, do it….
A tale of two Titties…..
Forensic sex….. Restraining order sex…..
Law and disorder woman….. Must be about my two wives…..
Bewitched bitch……
The battle of the bulging tit’s…….
Vagina and friends….. Have a heart please…….
Blood bitch beach……
Invaders from planet 69…….
The day the bed stood still……   Happens all the time when your married…..
The bionic pussy…    It’s about time they made one, why should woman get all the sex toys.
The six million dollar stud…
In the line of booty…..
The F.B.I  Female body inspector…….. Just the facts of fucking mam….
Chevy Chase, and the funny smelling pussy farm….
Spying sluts like us….
The penis express….. Females get a free ticket….
Zombie wife land… And Zombie wife land, double tap her……
National Lampoons, Christmas Vacation fucking….. It’s a super, model idea….
The bipolar express… My crazy wife was stuck on that train….
Christmas pussy…. It’s way better than change in a jar……
To all the boys I’ve fucked before….. Now that’s a girl I could get into…
The Vagina from Uncle…. Man that’s goood…..
Big, big hog day…
Nancy Drew and the missing vagina….
The game of Vaginas, the toilet will be your only Thrown…..
Mortal pussy engines….
Good will fucking hunting….
The lonely Bonna…….
The last vagina…
Fucked by an angel…… Love it..
It’s a wonderful piece of ass…..
Into the vagina, with my wood…..
To vagina with love…. And that’s a lu lu sir…….
The love banana boat…… Can I have a cheery with that?????
Christmas fucking in Boston……
Holiday in fucking hand cuffs…..
Teen wolf getting laid……
The tonight vagina show…… Here’s pussy!!!!!!!
The day the woman laid still… And let me invade their pussy….
The war of the cunts world……
Heart to heart, to pussy……
more as i get ideas…
Last Christmas pussy…. Last Christmas i gave you my dick, the next day you sent me way….
This is fun…. Hope you like my take on T.v. and movies…..

Song titles, and Albums I can make fun of..

Meet the Vaginas…
Don’t let the sun, catch you fucking..
That pussy easy..
Fucking a witchy woman..
It’s so easy to get laid..
Life in the fast vagina..
New piece of ass in town..
When will I get laid?????
Laid and payed in advance…
The smell of pussy… And the smell of pussy filled the room..
Dick break motel..
Stand by your Vagina….
Harper valley pussy, tits and ass…
True horny ways…
Honky Tonk pussy..
Brown sugar vagina..
A long, long, time, sense I got laid..

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Before kids, wives, guitars, girls, movies, divorce, there were trains…. { My dog, King… A Collie mix, came before trains… He died of old age when I was 13…}
I have had trains as long as I can remember… My uncles gave me their Lionel trains when I was really too young for them….. My mother would set up what seamed like a grand layout in the living room where we lived when I was little… Some times a girl named Wendy would come over and play trains with me….. Like I said I was too young, A lot of track and trains got broken, and I took them out to the sand pile with the toy trucks and ruined them….. We moved when I was eight, I hated the new town, there were lots of bullies, and I was a misfit… I did make a couple of friends who had Lionel trains… There was a friend named Guy, who had h.o. trains, the first time I ever saw that scale…. Along the way, I ended up with more Lionel trains I’d set them up on my bed room floor… I don’t remember where got them. As teen I knew a guy who had n. gauge trains on a 4 by 8 plywood, and was amazed they could be so small…. As an adult, I got into H.O. trains… They were smaller than Lionel, and looked more like real trains than Lionel…… At first I didn’t know what was a quality model train, from the cheap junk, but I learned along the way… Better was more expensive, and much of the cars were kits to be assembled….
My second wife, wanted me to be friends with her first husband, It didn’t happen over night… He introduced me to train shows, then we joined a train club…. They had N, G, and h.o. scale trains all in the same small building…. After a few years, the club went out of business…
I was harassed by my second wife to get rid of things, I got rid of my Lionel trains. If I knew I would have a son, I would have kept them…… I discovered The South shore model rail road club, It was under a store, and they had a train show and open house twice a year…. It was there I discovered Christmas train cars…. After that I stared buying Christmas cars anytime I saw one… Then I started asking the dealers if they had any, sometimes you couldn’t see them…… I don’t know how many h.o. Christmas train cars I have…..There are three small Xmas steam locomotives, two nice steam locomotives, a Broadway unlimited 4-6-2, It plays Xmas music, and has train sound.. It’s dc, or dcc.. The 4-6-4, is a Franklin mint, and part of a set, one Diesel, only three Xmas tank cars, six cabooses…… The kadee Xmas cars are the best detailed, and come in a see threw protective box…. H.O. Xmas cars have become hard to find the last couple of years…. Mostly they are used, when someone dies the family sells the trains to a dealer, sometimes i end up with them…. The Xmas trains are only one third of my h.o. collection…. I have New haven, Conrail, Boston and Maine, Maine central, Vermont rail ways. Burlington Northern, And other road names of less importance…….
A couple of years ago, A dealer offered me a deal on a Lionel Christmas train set, with the add on set, in the original box, plus an extra car…… He was tired of lugging a set no one wanted , from show to show… The price was too cheap to pass up.. I don’t know if the Xmas set was a mistake, because I’ve amassed a bigger collection of Lionel Xmas cars and locomotives that I need or planned on….. I recently did an inventory, and have six rail king Xmas cars, 26 K. line Xmas train cars, { two are cabooses. } 55 Lionel train cars, { four cabooses. } four that are not Xmas, or are other brands….. Between 80, and 95 cars…. I have four steam locomotives, not expensive ones, one diesel, all are Xmas….   I really didn’t need the amount of trains I have…. The bright side is, trains have a resale value, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, woman, have no resale value at all… I just need more time, more money, and a bigger house for my trains and guitars and amps…… Trains are becoming a dying hobby, the younger generations are not into it… Too many electronic gadgets……
I need a girl friend who likes trains and guitars…..

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Witches in a warehouse!!!!!

Witches in a warehouse, with nothing to do but cause trouble!!!!
It has been four years Aug 13’th, sense this incident Happened….. I’m still mad…. It ain’t easy to be a guy in a world where witches rule, and men have no rights… YOU DON”T ACCUSE A MAN OF SOMETHING HE DID NOT DO!!!!!! I have a bucket of water, and I’m not afraid to use it……. I’m melting would be music to my ears….. If I knew which  witch to threw the water on….
I have the strangest things happen to me, If I wrote a book no one would believe me……
I’ve waited a long time to tell this story… In the middle of August, 2014, I was accused of harassing some woman in a ware house near where I work. If I get on stage with my guitar I want people to pay attention to me, if they make noise, that’s cool. When I go to lunch, I want to be left alone, I want it quiet!!!! I get mad if some one bothers me!!!! If I stayed at work at lunch, it would turn into the noisiest half hour of the day!!!! I found a quiet shady place out behind a building for lunch. No one bothered me….. On the way to my quiet place, I had to pass the ware house!!!! I never stopped there, I never went inside the building. I did not talk to anyone…. I do not know any one in the warehouse, or any body’s name. I did not know what they did in that building!!!! I would see people when I drove by, they were eating lunch, smoking their cigarettes. I hate cigarette smoke!!!!! Some of the woman I saw were old and ugly, others were alright, but too young for me. Needless to say, I never asked any woman there for a date!! Work made me sign a paper that I would not do lunch any where in the industrial park. You have no idea how mad I was!!!!!! Now I have to leave the park, and find another place for lunch. Every place I go, turns into grand central station, barking dogs, lawn mowers, carpenters, noise, noise, noise!!!!!!
I spent over a year thinking there were many woman accusing me of harassment, turns out, there was only one!!! I have been traumatized by this injustice, I am very unhappy, and wish I could quit work and get away from there!!!!! I’m afraid to talk to woman any where I go now. I’m afraid to ask any woman for a date!! I don’t even know which woman is my accuser!!! My boss did not believe me, that I did nothing. He believed the woman!!!!! I should amend that statement to say, that my boss had no choice but to believe the woman… Cause in the eyes of the law woman are always right, even when they are crying wolf…. I found that out with my crazy second wife, and her obsession with restraining orders…..  Who ever the woman is. I’m afraid to be in the industrial park!!!! There have been no more accusations, but I’m not holding my breath…… I hope she burns in hell….
So I am working on a song, Witches in a ware house, with nothing to do but cause trouble, they could have smoked their cigarettes, they could have rode their brooms, I’m glad I didn’t take that carpet ride, to my doom…. It’s a chorus, and a bridge with out any verses… I’ve been singing it at work, and have stuck in my bosses head… It must be good.
It’s too bad that having a vagina, gives woman the power to mess with a mans head, and totally screw up his life, woman are so wrong!! If woman knew how to love, instead of create havoc, the world would be better!!!! If making love is the secret to life, and the reason we are here, and alive, woman have totally missed the boat in the big picture!!!
I told you crazy things happen to me!!! And I hate it !!!!!! I have often said, that the most dangerous thing a man can do, is touch a female!!!!! The repercussions are too much to handle. People wonder why I keep them at a distance… I’ll never get married again, or never let a woman live with me… This old blind singer, guitarist, I knew once said, never have a woman in a band… There are too many problems….
In June 2016, on the way home from work, I had some inspiration for some verses to this story.. I took the new ideas, and the old notes I had scribbled down, and wrote the song..
Witches in a warehouse..
verse 1
Hell is coming to get me, from that industrial park..
There.s wicked evil woman, and their fingers give off sparks..
That dam warehouse, is a gateway to Hell..
I’m smack in the middle, of a mad vestal spell…
Witches in a warehouse, with nothing to do, nothing to do but cause trouble..
Witches in a warehouse, with nothing to do, nothing to do, but brew up trouble..
And persecute me..
Verse 2.
It’s a toxic drive to work, five days a week.
To an industrial park, a coven of female freaks.
They are fly by night, witch hell by day..
Send them back to Salem, make them go away..
Repeat refrain..
They could have smoked their cigarettes, they could have rode their brooms,
I didn’t take that carpet ride, to me doom….So why are they bothering me??
Verse 3
Now I understand why, they burned them at the stake..
The wrong place the wrong tine, that is my mistake..
It’s a toxic situation, I got caught in evils crack..
I don’t want the cauldron ride, I just want my life back..
Repeat refrain..
I don’t want their dirty laundry, they can’t rent my soul.
Send those dirty witches, back into the Devils hole…
Never piss off a song writer, you never know what hes going to write!!!!

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Story’s from the out house, Volume 4

Rated P.G. 13.
Story’s from the out house are random jokes and comments out of my imagination. no bashing is intended. This is the only outlet I have for my art work. Some of this material is R, X, or P.G. rated. This comedy is for guys over 13, and no females should read it. If females read this, I warned you!!!!!

What is the difference between Led Zeppelin, and a husband?
Led Zeppelin has a whole Lotta love, marriage leaves you dazed and confused, a husband can never get to the stairway to heaven, get a living loving maid instead of a wife. If Moby Dick ain’t happy, you sing a lemon song , and it’s been a long time sense I rock and rolled.

What doe’s a husband call the Police showing up at the door with a restraing order?
A Sting operation!!!! Husbands don’t get any fields of gold! He holds every breath he takes waiting for his wife to cheat on him again.

Vampire Revenue Service.     The band.
Debut c.d. Out for blood.
Second c.d. Nail in your coffin.
Third c.d. Steal your money.
Fourth c.d. Bleed you dry.
Fifth c.d. Sun lite is for working stiffs.
Sixth c.d. Can’t get out of hell.
Seventh c.d. Kill you one bite at a time.
Vampire Revenue Service, live in Washington D.C. Greatest hits.
C.D’s available on Corrupt Greedy records.
In concert, April 15th, in Washington D.C. Tickets, ten thousand dollars each.
Tickets available threw Don Scalper, and Dead country productions.
Web site, Vampire Revenue Service bites .com.

Wanted, Hurricane Employment.

Wanted, a tee shirt that says, Hey babe, make love to me, not your cell phone.
Save a broom, ride a Warlock!!!! Hayloft rodeo champion, free lessons.

If a famous coffee shop, merged with a famous restaurant chain, then I could go down to Dunkin Hooters, and get a tee shirt that says, America runs on Hooter’s !!!!!

Can you name the lost Johnny Cash song. A night in June.
What is a vampires favorite 50’s song? Twilight time!
What is Joan Jett, and Sherrie Curries favorite Katie Perry song? I kissed the girl and I like liked it. It’s a Runaway hit!!!!
It’s all about the booty, no treble. So ball me maybe??
Divorce douche, it cleans out your savings account, checking account, retirement account, leaves a man smelling broke!!!!!
Back seat biologist.
Professor at the John Homes school of love.
I suffer from repressed love life syndrome.
A wedding, It is a bad day for the groom, A good day for the bride riding a broom!
Jam clams, rock.
I have carpet tunnel syndrome.
I love the wenching  hour.
I got married to make love, I got a big black financial hole.
When woman start believing in sex, I’ll start believing in woman again!!!!!
My heart has more holes in it than the Bonnie and Clyde car !!!
Woman don’t know how to operate a man catching device.
Love was a good bad experience. Marriage was a lesson in what not to do again.
Cold beer, and Bare woman.
I remember when balled meant something special. Now it means I need to wear a hat!
Cherry twister, a sweet vortex.
The greatest invention, and the human beings first play thing, is the slip and slide. If a man is not careful a slip and slid, turns into a pink trapper keeper.
I have a lot of frequent broken heart flyer miles.
Men are wicked stupid, cause men are way to willing to play in a dirty cat box.
Pink washing machine, put a clean thing in, and it comes out dirty, from washing so many men’s things.
A woman has a man by the magic wand, but she won’t let a man near the magic rose.

Going to the movies isn’t as much fun as it was when I was younger. These days the only thing you will smell on my fingers is popcorn.
I have no sympathy for the creatures, but I understand how a great white shark feels. I got kicked off the beach for eating a life guard. She was gorgeous, and tasty!!!!! No crime in that!
I went to a long time friends house, and left a note with her son inviting her to go out for breakfast. She never called me. a month latter I found out she was mad at the invitation, and accused me of stalking her. She was telling people she is afraid of me!!! Man was I mad!!!!! I never stalk any one, I never ask a woman for a date twice!!! I had liked this woman for years, but never asked her for a date. I thought she was out of my league. Now I see that I’m too good for her, and she is out of her mind!!!!! I hate cigarettes, so I was giving her a handy cap. I won’t talk to her any more. It’s her lose!!!!

Sexy is when a girl/woman is being nice, not the fashions she is wearing. Sexy is when a guy doesn’t have to ask for love, sexy is when a woman offers, and volunteers, her love.

I had a dream!!!! Wives, work, bills, assassinated the dream.

I have an issue with a song. Girl in a country song, by Mattie mattress, and Tat ta Tay! The song has girls complaining about how girls dress, and blaming it on guys!!!! Wrong!!!!!!
Guys do not tell girls how to dress!!!!! If a chic is dressed like a slut, tramp, ho, hooker, guys are not to blame. Girls pick out and put on C.F.M. outfits all on their own. There are guys who wish girls would dress a little less slutty. They dress like a slut, but won’t make love to us guys. Oh I can’t do that!!!!!! False advertising !!!! Come on girls, get a clue!!!! The secret to life is making love as many times as you can in a day. It’s not money, or shopping, or a cell phone!!!!!! P.s., I do like the song, and the video is funny!!!!

I love country fairs. But fairs are wicked hard on the eyes. The universal fashion at a fair, is a tee shirt two sizes too small, and cow girl boots, and cut off shorts, three sizes too small!!!!! I can’t help but look!!!!! I think the reason girls have lost interest in sex, is their clothes are so tight, it cuts off the circulation to their most important parts!!!!!!!

Shes not my style of music, but I do think Charlie X.C.X. is hot!!!!!! I can’t figure out what the X.C.X. stands for. Now if it was Charlie X.X.X. that would be crystal clear. Every one knows what X.X.X.means!!!!! I wish Charlie, would be X.X.X. with me!!!!! I’d even bring the Pepsi. We could make beautiful X.X.X. music together!!!!!!!

Going to the movies is not as much fun as it was when I was younger. These days the only thing you’ll smell on my fingers is popcorn!!!!
Do you know what the difference is between olive oil, and a high school girl???? You will never find a 100 percent extra virgin high school girl.
I love pink Kryptonite!!! Even when it kills me……
I love a midnight ride in a pink Ferrari……
I love bumping into things that go pink in the night!!!!!!
Big business never thinks things threw! They eliminated my size underwear. Now I have to chose between too big, or too small!!!!!!
I’m just an interim boy friend… Use me for a while, then dump me for someone new, or go back to some one old.
I’m looking for a Halloween costume that will scare the hell out of people, and make them run away!!!! I’m at a choice between Roger Goodell, or Hillery Clinton………
She’s got me heart wired.. Shes hot like a stolen car, and fast driving away with my love!!!!
My girlfriend played post office too much for too long. Her package was getting too much mail. none of it was from me!!!!!
My family jewels, they haven’t been used much…..
It’s older cars, and younger woman. And enough money to afford bolth!!!!!!!

I’ve lost faith in mother nature, and father time keeps kicking me when I’m down!!!!
Old dogs and husbands, after a certain age, they stop trying to run away!!!!!
A question you will never hear from a woman. Doe’s this dress make me look horny????
Loving my wife was like trying to tap the north pole!!!!
My wild oats have been neglected for so long, my wild oats don’t care any more!!!!!
A fools heart keeps getting fooled…..
I love potty body’s…..
I was at a country fair, and they had Mumford and son’s port ta potty’s. I wonder if the band knows about this. I hope it isn’t a reflection on their music!!!!! I hope the band doesn’t take it personally.

I can prove that I am better than Santa Clause. Santa comes one night a year. I am available 365 nights a year, and I can deliver presents too!!!!
I have found new ways to spell an old word… Pu$$y. Pew$$y…. A fishy rose by any other name is still a pussy!!!!
I have a first girl rule, The first girl who wants to sleep with me wins…..

A man is like a model T, he is simple easy to operate, needs very little fuel. If you want to get a model T started, turn his crank. A man is always looking for a model A ride!!!!!
Age is a lethal thing, a man can look forward to milk duds, and malfunctioning cherry bombs….
My last girl friend told me she was divorced for the nine months she dated me…. Then her husband got out of prison. She told me she couldn’t divorce him cause he was in prison… She wouldn’t tell me she went back to him, and she wouldn’t dump me!!! She just left me hanging!!!!! She told me she could not kick him when he is down, He has no place to go……. I didn’t think any one could top getting dumped on Christmas Eve, for a guy from Maine!!!! See Dating Suck’s.. And Maine turnpike Romeo on you tube.
Plymouth County Court House, the best divorce song you ever heard, on you tube!!!!
More to come.

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Hot Pants

We recently recorded some videos with a cheap digital camera, but had not gotten around to posting some of them on the blog. Here is one of them. More to follow on other days. Perhaps some pictures, too.

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commitment! / Dear January.

A coward, A player, A loser, A cheater, A cad, A person with no integrity.
Will run away when things get tough. It takes real courage to make a commitment, and keep a commitment! Courage to over come the fear of commitment. It takes wisdom to see that somebody loves you, and wants to be beside you. When you are in love, you don’t run away when you have a fight or a problem. You stand firmly in place, and resolve to fix the it, or find a compromise.
never walk away, never jump into another relationship! you bring your faults with you. And doom your self to another failed relationship.
If you were cheated on, and dumped, do not let what that person did to you, break up every relationship you are ever in. Not everybody is like the one who hurt you.
And never leave some one who loves you, on the bloody side of a broken heart.
If I judged every woman I meet by my two ex wife’s, I’d never give any woman a chance.  The two wife’s couldn’t keep a commitment, or be faithful.
This is a slap at my ex girlfriend, who couldn’t make or keep a commitment.  She ran away at the first little problem, into the arms of a stranger/ player. She couldn’t see what she  had, was worth keeping!  Probably cause she was a player, I was the flavor of the fall, and not the only man in her life.
See dating suck’s! On this web site.

If you like this comment, tell your friends on face book. Thank  you .

Dear January Snow,
We had something special. Something you can’t buy. I was willing to change for you, you were not willing to meet me half way, or change for me.  It’s been more than three months sense the week end you brought a total stranger home for Christmas week end. Did you forget we had already made plans. Did you think it was cool to cheat on me. Did it give you a feeling of power to manipulate two men. You brought me coffee at noon time Saturday, and then went on a date with another man! you said you just met him on the computer. Or was he some one you knew from work. Had you been seeing him behind my back all along, two men at the same time! Christmas week, you finally got caught two timing me. Then you had to break up with one of us, why me? And why on Christmas Eve? Of all moments in the year!
When I met you, I asked you to go to a fair with me Labor day week end. You said I have company for the week end, Who was it ? Did you dump somebody for me? Or was he one of your little black book buddy’s, you could call any time. You waited till after you started sleeping with me, to tell me you had a boy friend in New York, you hadn’t broke up with, he had already gone back by Labor day weekend, or did he? You lied to me before we ever went on a date. An yet I trusted you. Even when you went on your out of town, out of sight business trips, or when we weren’t together. I never cheated on you!
If you had stayed around, we could have worked out our problems. There were no problems we couldn’t have fixed or compromised on. If you weren’t a player, who turned tail and ran, at the first sign of a problem,  we would still be together.  I say, that I was not the problem, it was you. I never gave up on us, I never quit on you. You quit on me, us!
I hope the new guy knows what he got him self into, I wish I could tell him. I wish I could tell him the whole story, my side of it.
Dear January, I’m sorry for my mistakes. I never would have deliberately done anything to make you mad, or make you leave. Now I wish I never met you. You could have skipped me, and gone directly to the man from Maine. I would have never gotten hurt.  Maybe there’s more to the cheating story you told me a bought your husband. Maybe it wasn’t all him. Maybe you cheated too. Maybe that’s why he left you.  I’ll never know the truth, you’ll never tell the truth.
I hate to say it, dating new woman, are making you look good! At least I could talk to you, other woman are not as easy to talk to.
You left me with hard to heal broken heart, I won’t forget you any time soon! I wouldn’t be so hurt if you made any effort, at all, to still be friends. I thought we were friends, I was wrong.
what you did was wrong!
It’s not far fetched to imagine you’ve been cheating on the boy friend in New York for years. He’s so far away he’d never know. You called me a nice fling. You were never a fling to me, this was the real thing too my eyes. How many flings came before me? This is a question you will never answer! I’ll find some one new, some day when your bridges are all burned, you’ll wish you had me back. Thank you January Snow, the name is a parody, and you are a parody, a cheating fable! I learned a lot from you, and it hurt a lot too!
I guess there is no good time, or good way too break up. Maybe this wouldn’t have hurt as much, If you had gone about it differently. The way you blew me off Christmas week end, when we had plans. The way you dumped me on Christmas Eve. the way you replaced me, before you broke up with me. But you did the same thing too the boy friend in New York. Who else have you done the same thing too? I would have taken you back, now I realize you’d stay for a while, and leave me again, for someone else. I can’t handle that. Better to take a chance on some one new. It seams all woman, lie, cheat, steal, use you, manipulate you, shut you off, dump you They hate men, hate sex, all they care a bought is, money, power, property, security, and control of everything. I can’t live like that.
If it seems like I’m making you look bad,  that’s not my intention. Even tho it was short lived, and ended very badly, you are the best thing that has happened to me for a long time! If I could find you, I can find somebody else. your stupidity will be another woman’s gain.

P.S. Dear January, all those phone calls you received in my presence, that you never answered.  You told me the calls were your son, and you would call him back later. It wasn’t hard to figure out those calls were from other men. When it really was your son, you would answer the phone. I’m not as stupid as you and my ex wife’s thought I was. I should have a burned by a player Insurance policy.

What do you get if you cross Benedict Arnold, with Mary Magdalene?   My ex girlfriend!

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Story’s from the outhouse, volume 3.

This is a random set of joke’s, anecdotes, observations, and commentaries, that may fall on the raunchy or less tasteful side. You have been warned!

Rated P.G. 13.
check out story’s, vol 1, and 2.

These short story’s are comedy, and should not be taken seriously. No Bashing is intended!
the use of the terms, wife, ex wife, girl friend, ex girlfriend, man from Maine, my boss, are for story’s telling. And do not imply a real person Inspired It. I’m not responsible for guilty persons!

I have been writing things down for over forty years. I have no audience, no publishing deal, no one to sell C.D.’s to even if I had the time and money to record one. This is my only outlet for my Imagination. These story’s don’t represent who I am as a person. Stefanie Meyers wrote books a bought Vampires, she is not a Vampire. Don’t judge me by my art!
If you don’t have any Imagination, or a sense of humor. If you don’t understand satire, don’t read this! I’m making fun of love, life, relationships, divorce, and how we complicate simple things.

If you like these jokes and story’s, tell your friends on face book.

If I had spent as many hours playing guitar, and making love, as I have fixing cars, I’d be very good at playing guitars, and very very happy!

I go to a restaurant, there will be all these pretty waitresses, and I’ll be like this is a great place, I,m  going to enjoy this  meal. The hostess seats me, and they give me a waiter! What a let down!

Females and certain sects of society, strive to make everything a bought sex, bad, wrong, dirty, illegal, immoral, perverted. They  make a guy  feel like a criminal if he like woman, and loves sex! BUT! If they are trying to sell something, cars , food, music, movies, etc. The first thing they do is put a female in a Bikini, or a mini skirt! The closer to dirty, the better things sell! talk a bought a contradiction in terms!

I looked up the video for the song American Beautiful.  The lady singing the song, is absolutely Beautiful in a black mini dress! I wish I could get a date with her! In the song there a line, She holds up her panties with a Bible belt. It’s a very clever line, as a writer I liked it, as a man, I thought, why in hell do girls want hold on to their panties so tightly, you can’t have any fun on a locked play ground. It’s an absolute SIN! the Bible has stopped more humans from making love, a normal natural thing. Than any other book in the history of man kind. It would seem the book, has burned man kind!

A high speed Internet phone, makes her the fastest cheater In town!

Please tell me what the magic word’s for woman are. I’m tired of the jerks, the A,hole’s, the men from Maine, getting all the woman.

Woman should come with a check engine light. So I would know when they need to be serviced!

I love shiny pink moon’s.

When my ex wife died, I told the kid’s she went to heaven. I lied!

Love is like an antique quill pen. It works best when you keep dipping it in the Ink!

I could never figure out why they call it being pussy whipped. Those guys who are being whipped, Are not getting any pussy!

With woman, the Impossibility’s are endless.

Snatchos, By Free toe lay! A favorite snack of guys.

A woman told me she hated men! I asked why? she said, men require too much attention! I told her, men don’t need attention, they need maintenance! I told her, give men, Oil changes, Lube jobs, and regular tune ups! they will purr like a kitten, and never give you any trouble!

Lets elope to a motel, we won’t need a preacher to spend the night, or a Lawyer to get out of it.

I’ll never get married again! But I’ll take as many honey moons as I can get!

Girls need a manual override button.

I can’t wait for Armageddon  to come. When there no one left to make Battery’s, Computers, or Cell phones, Men will be back in demand!

Men and woman, were not designed to be platonic.

Your fashion statement is making me extremely excited! So put more clothes on, or do something a bought it!

I have a female friend named Paige. she has two boy friends, who don’t know a bought each other. Is it safe to say, the two guys are on the same Paige?

God created man, the devil created woman. God and the devil got together, and created marriage, cause Hell was full!

A wise man once told me, if your wife, girl friend, or date won’t sleep with you, she’s sleeping with some one else!

When I was around thirteen, I went to a wedding. It was a second marriage  for the Bride and groom. For the groom, the band played back in the saddle again. for the bride, the band played, It don’t hurt any more! I might have been a kid, but I got the joke!

Truck pull, Horse pull, Ox pull, Tractor pull, the right handed marriage pull! the one you won’t find at a Fair, Ain’t fair.

Being single is like looking for a good used car, you won’t find one in cherry condition.

When I’m looking for a girl friend I need, girl fax.com. A girl history report.

The worst part of nursing a broken heart, is knowing she’s nursing every guy in town.

You’ve been out all night perfecting the art of cheating on me!

I’ve learned that I can count on, death, taxes, bills, broken cars, crocked politicians, work, traffic, and that woman will sleep with anybody but me!

I’ve learned that no woman, movie star, T.V. star, Pop star, Country star pretty, will ever go out with me!

She loved me once in a Blue Moon,   Beer!

If you are going to cheat on me, and divorce me. Please do it before we have kids, before I buy a new car, before I buy furniture, before I buy a new house!

I wrote a song, The Ballard of Linda Lovelace. I tried too get the song on the radio. They said it would be too hard to swallow!

Johnny Cash sang the wreck of old 97. Johnny Homes would have sung the wreck of old 69!

There’s a fine line between being a lady, and making a guy give up , cause he ain’t getting any where!

She was a honey moon harlot! She wasn’t going to stay for long, but It was good while it lasted!

My boss says, spare the lightning rod, and spoil the woman!
My boss also says, woman are allergic to the lightning rod! Boy is that the truth!

Identity theft, is what happens to a guy, when he  gets married!

She’s French and Indian giver, she  showed me what love is, then she took it away!

The hardest part of getting over some one, is knowing shes out running around. you miss her, but she ain’t missing you!

A woman will always dump you for a guy, who’s half the man you are, as long as he  makes twice the income.

Fishy fairy tales, never have a happy ending. You can never trust a fish.

I was in this bar where some friends had a pick up band , and were doing an open mike thing on Sunday nights. They would get me up to sing and play, some times they would put me on stage with guys I never met, or played with before. Fly by the seat of your pants, make mistakes, learn something new, it was fun. I made friends.
There was this chubby blond, half in the bag, bragging how she  took her husband over the coals in a divorce. After a while I got sick of listening to her. After all I got screwed twice in divorce court! I told the drunk blond, Lady! If you hadn’t forgotten how you got the kids, your using to extort money from your husband, you wouldn’t be divorced!   This is true for most couples, they forget what brought them together.

She’s Expensive, and Superficial!

I wish I was a bang wiz! Just once in my life, I’d like snap my fingers like Fonzie, and have woman fall at my feet. To be rich or famous enough to get any woman I want. Just once in my life!

I hate cheaters, they are wrong on every level! And the damage they do is beyond repair! They never think of that, or who they are hurting.  Fact is, cheaters don’t think at all! So when some thoughtless womanizing jerk, Or man from Maine traveling gigolo, is making love to your wife ,or girl friend. It’s like Scum, on dirty pond water!  Scum and dirty water ain’t fit for human consumption.

My ex girl friend, is a Professor of Cheating. I learned more a bought History from her, than I ever wanted to know.

Hey ex girl friend, shouldn’t you have let the sheets get cold, before you brought the next guy in?
Hey ex girl friend, shouldn’t you have broke up with me, before you ever dated, or slept with him?
Hey ex girl friend, shouldn’t you have looked before you leap, when you consummated your next fling!
Hey ex girl friend, do you think this is all funny,  and when you dumped me you thought, I wouldn’t feel a thing!

What make’s a John Deere Tractor great.
You can depend on a John Deere tractor. A John Deere tractor won’t let you down. You can ride a John Deere tractor any time you want, and not get in trouble for it! If your tractor breaks, you can get it fixed. If your tractor won’t work, you can sell it. You can look under the hood, and check out the engine, any time without getting thrown in jail. You can lock up your tractor for safe   keeping, and it won’t try to escape, or complain. A John Deere tractor is functional, low maintenance, and never complains a bought being used for what it was designed for.  A tractor Don’t smoke, drink, lie, cheat, steal, get jealous, spend money, do drugs, make demands, need a night out on the town, or nag!
you never have to worry a bought your buddy’s riding your John Deere tractor, when your not home!

I have to thank that Justin kid. thanks to him I can say, Beaver Fever in public, and not get in trouble for it!

No offense to Shakespeare,  But I’d like to rewrite the play, so that Juliette, { Aka January Snow. } lives.  And that awful internet Romeo, DIE’S!

She’s a hit and run player, she ran over me.
If she was a movie it would be entitled, cheater on the Hudson.

I need a love Genie, I’ll just snap my fingers, and she’ll let me in the bottle. Show me some Magic!

When I was a kid, my Uncle had a farm. I fell in love with It. I was a hayloft dreamer swinging from a rope in the barn.
He sold the farm before I was old enough to drive the tractor.
He sold it before I was old enough to know what the hayloft was really for! Rock and roll in the hay boys!

In the Movies, A guy meets a beautiful woman. The woman will actually go on a date with him. She falls in love with him. She willingly has sex with him. They live happily ever after, and she doesn’t  cheat on him.  This is so much better than real life! Wait a minute,  that’s right even the Movie is phony.

A guy I know was drinking with his girl friend New Years eve. she got all pissy  and started a fight. He didn’t hit her, but he smashed her cell phone, cause she was seeing another man too, and his phone no. was on caller I.D. He called the other guy and told him the chic is a two timer! Now she has a restraining  order against him. And he s going to court with nine charges against him. He wants to buy her a new cell phone, and drop the charges. She won’t drop them. He might go to jail. I got off easy, mine dumped me and I never saw her again!

Uncle Sam loves technology, Sam has a G.P.S. in everything, so he can find you. He loves bank, credit, debit, and store cards, he knows every dime your spending. Now uncle Sam is working on tax messaging.

If I’m ever stupid enough to get married again, and it don’t work out, there will be no cop’s, no restraining orders, no court,  no Lawyers, no Judge and no property battles! I want a Chappaquiddick divorce! It worked for Ted Kennedy.

She’s washing her Cheating sheets, but the sheets will never come clean! They will be stained by her treachery for ever!

It’s pathetic to see a piece of crap pick up truck, with a rocket science radio. If the tunes don’t sound good on a factory car radio,  your listening to the wrong kind of music!

I have too much of a con chance to be single. I couldn’t sleep with any ones wife, girl friend, fiance. I asked my boss what he thought of me dating a woman who’s twenty, or ten years older than me. My boss said, bang them all!

The term wife or girl friend, simply refers to the woman currently cheating on me.

My ex girl friend works for the Department Of Internet Affairs. She make’s big bucks. But she doe’s charity work. Just ask the happy guy’s she cheated on me with, and the looser she dumped  me for. At least they are happy!

My favorite bond movie is Diamonds are forever.  There have been a lot of great looking bond girls, I wish I was Agent, 0069, and could take advantage of being a guy! My favorite bond girl name is, Pussy Galore!  A name that describes a mans greatest fantasy. The dream that is never fulfilled.

She was spoiled, spoiled rotten. She is financially independent stupidity, Relationship near sited, And six figure ignorant!

She is wicked, deceptive, cruel, calculating, as Elphaba. And unfaithful, cold, unreliable as an Ice-najg! Your love has no effect on her, she will never stay with you.

I’d rather have Chicken baked, roasted, broiled, in the oven, than chocked!

Sexual power corrupts. And absolute sexual power corrupts absolutely! Ask any man, he’ll confirm this is true. Especially the men who are dumped, divorced, cant get a date.
Sexual power corrupts all Females.

Instant Bitch, just add Beauty!

I love that take out Mexican restaurant I can go there to eat out any time I want. It’s the one place I can get a Taco that isn’t trying to take my house, car, furniture, money, life!

I saw the movie, Silver Linings play book. In the movie, Bradly cooper is a husband who comes home to find another man banging his wife. { happens every day!}  He beats the crap out of the guy, and I would say he is justified!  So they arrest him, take him to court, put him in a mental institution for six months. When he gets out, he has restraining orders against him, and can’t do anything  a bought it, he can’t talk to his wife.
What should have happened,  They should have arrested the other man, who was dead wrong to be with some one Else’s wife. they should have arrested his wife for being a slutty cheater, and convicted her of adultery. The husband who was being cheated on. should have received a medal of honor for beating up the moron who was banging his wife, and putting a stop to an atrocity! If only the law worked the way it should, we would be better off.

I saw the witch movie, Beautiful Creatures. I thought it was good. The witch falls in love with a mortal, and he falls in love with her. This puts the two of them in danger. She blanks out all memory of his loving her to save his life. In the end he remembers every thing. Making the point, you do not get a choice who you are attracted to, or who you fall in love with. Once you are in love with some one, You will always be in love with that person. Fighting it, trying to forget, only makes it worse. I can hope that any woman I have been in love with, loved me to. And is condemned to think a bought me , for the rest of their lives!

Some jerk, some where, is getting January Galore! And I hope it tastes good, so he  will know the bitterness, when some day she’s gone!

To be, or not to be, that is the question.  I exist only to work. For all of my adult life, I lived to work, and have not enjoyed it. What I wanted never mattered. I worked to pay bills, to do chores, to support wives, and kids. I watched others get what they wanted, I was used , made other people money.  Love, affection, kindness, love making, truth, I got shortchanged. Now I’m old, and its to late. I can’t change anything. I can’t find love, that will stay.

I hate cars! I’ve had to work on them all my life, and have nothing to show for it. When I drive, cars are a blure, they are in my way, on my bumper, or cutting me off. I don’t pay much attention to what kind of car they are. Till now.  Try getting over an ex girl friend, when there are a million of those stupid little S.U.V’s. she drives! I can’t go any where without seeing them. Try following one all the way to work, and one the same color, oh my God! If I had a gun I’d stop loving her today! Just like the George Jones song! I can’t get away from them stupid things, It’s making me crazy! Curse the Jap cars! Curse ex girl friends!

Where do Alaskan lesbians go to drink? Klone Dike Bars!

I want to park my heart at the corner of sugar and spice.
I want to study the science of sugar and spice.
I want to dock my Rocket at the intersection of sugar and spice.
I want to donate my body to sugar and spice.
I want to live my whole life, to be buried in sugar and spice.

The Doom’s Date Machine!
The Doom’s Date machine wandered in from out side the New England Galaxy. It made a course toward the most densely populated part of the southern Mass solar system. The machines programing, to attack any man who gets within it’s spare of influence. To devourer men for sexual fuel, leaving in the machines wake, a path of destruction! Men in piles of rubble, broken and battered. The dooms date machine was last seen headed north toward Bangor, searching for more victims. And not even Captain Kirk can stop it!

Save a marriage, ride a husband.

I hate it when woman treat men like tampons, they use us a little, then throw us away!

I always pick the wrong person to fall in love with.

I’m surrounded by lottery machines. and can’t win.
I’m drowning in a sea of cows, and can’t get no milk!

2012, It was a loveless summer. Then I found January Snow, It was the love of my life at the start of September. The wonderful fling, that lasted till the first day of winter. The sudden breakup at Christmas, left nothing but cold for months. If I can make it to Spring, or find some body new, maybe I’ll be alright.

My boss says, I’m so up tight that I need therapy. And I totally agree! I haven’t had therapy sense, December 17 , 12. On Dec, 22. 12. My therapy started going  to some one else, Illegally of course! As of the moment, I haven’t found another woman to give me therapy. And that Suck’s!  Therapy, should be easier to get.

Trying to get a date is like a job interview. some people are not very good at interviews, and never get the job, I never get the date!

I wonder how many new boy friends she’s up to sense she dumped me. Maybe I should call the Guinness book of world records.

Love is a lot like Snow. You never know when it’s going to fall, how hard it’s going to fall. Love like snow is pretty when it first falls, but it turns ugly really fast.

Never be on the bloody side of a broken heart!

Pink plumbing contractor. 24 hour emergency service. Pipes cleaned, connections made. Drains unclogged.

A woman on a date, asked the guy if he liked the beach. He said yes, but I prefer to swim in fresh water. The woman countered, that she wants to walk on the beach, not swim. The woman said, that there are too many things In the ocean that want to eat you! The man said, your worried a bought things in the ocean that want to eat you, but your on a date with a guy!

Pretty wife’s and girl friends, will always run off with another guy!  So like the song says, never make a pretty woman your wife. Get an ugly wife or girl friend, no one will steal her.

I wish there was a build a bare woman work shop. I’d build perfect pretty date, with a happy ending!

I mentioned the University of Maine to my boss,  He said I know the place, It’s a bar. Every body graduates with a 4.0 blood alcohol level. I said yes I know, my ex girl friends flunky gigolo boy friend is the janitor there!

You know why relationships with woman don’t work? Cause woman are gold digger wise, and whoopee stingy! Extremely whoopee stingy!

Dearest Darling January Snow, drove a stake of Holly into my heart, on the day before the 2012 Noel! Not Darlene, not Scrooge, could have been so cruel, and heartless! To have taken away all the love, the hopes, the dreams, the life, the light, at Christmas, or any other day of the year. A Margi and a gift she is not.

You can’t scratch an itch threw blue denim jeans, sometimes you just  have to take them off, to get to the itch!!! A man who will scratch your itch is good to find.

When I was young and stupid, I wanted lots and lots of Pink Gold! I wanted so much Pink Gold I could drown in It! I wanted to mine all the beautiful Pink Gold I saw every where I went! I never got the Gold I wanted, and I paid dearly for It!
Now that I’m old and wise, I realize there’s no such thing as Pink Gold!  It’s Pink Kryptonite, and this Superman don’t want to die no more!

You can count on, Fed ex, The US Post office, Parcel post, U.P.S. You can count on, the Currier service, the bike messenger, E. mail, and the pizza delivery guy. But the U.S. Female, don’t deliver!

Whats the difference between a train tunnel, and a Vagina?
The train tunnel has a light at the end of it!
A train tunnel never complains a bought being a train tunnel.
A train tunnel doesn’t care a bought cars full of baggage.
A train tunnel doesn’t have a period to screw things up.
A train tunnel doesn’t care which end of the tunnel you drive the Locomotive into.
No man gets arrested for driving a big locomotive into a train tunnel!
A train tunnel doesn’t care how big or small the locomotive is,

When did all the lousy 80’s songs, that no one liked in the 80’s, become Oldies?

I love Italian wedding soup, even tho I hate weddings. They should make American divorce soup. It’s made up of bread, and water, with a bitter seasoning.  And the court will that that away from you too!

Loving a woman is Devil worship! That’s why they put you threw Hell!

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Storys from the out house! volume 2.

This is a random set of jokes, anecdotes, observations and commentaries, that may fall on the raunchy or less tasteful side. You have been warned!

Rated P.G. 13
Check out story’s, vol 1 and 3.

These short story’s  are comedy, and should not be taken seriously. No bashing is intended. The use of the terms wife,  ex wife, girl friend, ex girlfriend, man from Maine, my boss, are for story telling, and do not imply a real person inspired it. I’m not responsible for guilty persons.

I have been writing things down for forty years. I have no audience, no publishing deal, no one to sell C.D.s. too, even if I had the time and money record one. This is the only outlet I have for my Imagination. These story’s do not represent who I am as a person. Don’t judge me by my art. If you don’t have any imagination, or a sense of humor, or don’t understand satire, don’t read this! I’m making fun of love, life, relationships, divorce, and how we complicate the simple things in life, that should be free!
George Carlin told dirty story’s, in real life he was not a dirty old man.

If you like these story’s, tell your friends on face book.

What do Democrat’s, and  divorced men  have in common? They blame Bush, for every thing that went wrong!

How do you kill a whole country, with out firing a shot? Elect the wrong people. { they will blame Bush to. }

What do you get if you cross Benedict Arnold, with Mary Magdalene?   My ex girl friend!  { p.s. Benedict Arnold, was famous for being an American traitor, and Mary Magdalene, was the prostitute Jesus saved in the Bible. }

Never date a woman who needs a G.P.S. , to keep her lie’s, secrets, story’s, and ex boy friends straight. you’ll become one of her white lie’s, and secrets!

I’m looking for a new girl friend. But, I’ll settle for a rental.

My ex girl friend, works for the Department Of Internet Affairs. Call her for an appointment, She’ll squeeze you in! Internet Romeos are her specialty. Will travel for business support. Accommodations provided by, Motel 69.

I was a UNTIL boy friend. She used me Until she found  someone else, with more money, new car, better house, better job.

If it was as easy to get over her, as she is easy, for a jerk player to score on her. I would be over her along time ago!

Never ever date a woman, who’s past would make a hooker blush!

The Ultimate Kiss Of song. Suitable for use on any ex, who has done you wrong!  : It’s not you! : By Halestorm. Think Zeppelin, with a female singer. This song is great on many levels. It rock’s, with a pop sensibility, and It’s a great story, well written. I’d send it out to my ex, and her cheating heart. Check out, It’s not you, on you tube. Dedicate it to an ex!

On Star Trek, the mission was to boldly go where no man had been before. When dating A new woman, you boldly go where every man has been before!  she’s not going to tell you so.

WANTED! A home less woman living in her car. Who would be  so happy to have a nice guy in her life, and a place to live. She wouldn’t care what he looks like, how much money he makes, how new and what kind of car he drives, What he doe’s for work, where he lives! A home less woman, who’s not pampered or spoiled, won’t lie or cheat, complain, start fights, or run off with an other man!

Just once, it would be nice if all of the stuck up, pretty premadonnas, could no longer snap their fingers and get men! How cool it would be, if the too pretty for their own good, use to getting what ever they want, any time they want, woman couldn’t get a date, and could not get any sex at all. It’s always lady’s { I use the term lady figuratively! } choice. A male is at a woman’s mercy. I f just once it were men’s choice, and woman had to beg us for a date, or sex. Then they could see how it feels to live with out, then things would change, Maybe there would be equality, and sex for all!

If Bride’s came with a money back guarantee,  my two father in law’s, would owe me a fortune!

Woman wonder why men, drink, play pool, play golf, watch sports, follow NASCAR, ride Motor  cycles, play guitar, go fishing, go hunting, work on their four wheel drive pick up, hang out with the guys?  It’s easier than trying to get laid! And a lot more fun than nagging.

Make love, not divorce! Husbands need it too. Men need maintenance. If you don’t take care of your car, it won’t be there when you need it! Same thing a ply’s to a husband.

A woman’s Mod-us Operand i, Head mess, money take, and Vaggie keep away! If woman worked half as hard at loving us , as they do playing Vaggie keep away! We would all be happy!

What doe’s it mean when your girl friend is always accusing you of hitting on other woman? Shes cheating on you!

A phony Read head, makes for a phony girl friend.

I went from having a girl friend seven nights of the week, to I never existed, in one weekend. Cause of an internet predator, stranger from the back woods of Maine.

Beware of,  the Maine Turnpike  Romeo, he will steal you girl friend, put you in heart break that never end’s!  Fasten the seat belt, lock all the door’s, he’s gonna treat  her, like a little Whore. Hide the computer, don’t let the man in, cause he will be taking your girl friend for a spin. With a knife he will stab you, so deep in your back, Your never gonna get, your girlfriend back! He’s clever, like a back wood’s boy in the hood. When he’s done with your girl friend, she’ll be damaged good’s!  He cruse’s the Pike to wreck your world, drives half a work day to corrupt your girl. He comes on like Mad max, J. Homes, and McQueen, his conquests will ruin all of your dreams. He don’t care how much you love her , so just keep calm, He’s on the web, at I’ll bang your girl friend, dot com!  He cruse’s the turn pike, in a metallic gold Charger. With internet brag’s, of being much larger!  The Maine Turnpike Romeo, take aim, and shoot to kill! Or he’ll steal your girl friend, your Kiss and your thrill! The Maine Turnpike Romeo, he never pays a toll. He’s at the drive threw, looking to order my girlfriend too GO!

Humans should treat sex just like food. three meals a day, snacks, and desert! No waiting, no reservations, no arrests, and no problems!

Female’s hate the term friends with benefits, But isn’t that what a relationship or marriage is? Think a bought it!

I want a relationship, where the bills stop, the fights stop, disagreements stop, the chores  stop, the car repairs stop, the mortgage payments stop, home repairs stop, the nagging stops, working for a living stops, her cheating stops. And the making love, never stops. Cause the making love is always the first thing to stop!

If  my love life was like professional base ball, when I’m losing, and my players are out of commission. I could call up some replacement,  triple A lovers from Pawtucket.  I’d call up a woman, to cover first base, a woman to cover second base, one to cover third base,  and a hot blond pinch hitter, for the home run, at home plate! The girls on the farm team, sure know to sow wild oats!

Why are banana splits so great? They are wicked sweat. You can play with the boat. They are frozen, but you can still enjoy them. Their nuts, but don’t need a shrink. Nobody gets mad, if you eat the cherry. They are nice and sticky.  they taste good, you can lick them, and no one will care.  And no guy ever got arrested, for putting the banana in the boat!

Having a girl break up with you, is the meanest, cruelest, thing that can ever happen to a guy. When a girl breaks up with you, she already has a new guy to take your place. And she  has already test driven him! Girls can get a guy, any time, any place, with out trying! A guy can’t do that. he is at the mercy of females and could go years with out a date, or a girl friend! How is this fair?

There’s got to be more to woman, than make up, money,  and cheating.

Cooperation, is hooking up for the good of man kind.

Cooperation is, doing for your husband, or boy friend, with a smile, what you would do for, some drunk, druggy bum, degenerate, ugly jerk. That you just met at the bar, and don’t even know his name! Or the A- hole you met on line, who,s just playing you, and is  gonna dump you!

Once a pone a time when I was young, I hoped I would get lucky. Getting lucky is, Unexpected, and extremely rare co operation, on the part of a female. Now that I’m old,That’s all myth and legend. And at my age, getting lucky, is hoping I die in my sleep!

People don’t always like my humor. I tell them, George Carlin, did not get famous, for doing the seven most polite words you can say on T.V.

My boss said, did you know that Jesus fed a thousand men with one fish, and two buns. I replied really! So did Mary Magdalene!

I was in a convenience store, I was drooling over a Foxy actress on the cover of a magazine. I wish I could get a woman like that, I said to my friend. Those kind of hot babe’s never bother with me! My friend said, out in Hollywood there is a man, who is so tired of putting up with her crap, he would gladly give her to you, just to get rid of her! Well I never thought a bought it like that!

The one thing a man will never find on A Honey do list is, Honey! You Bee stupid, if you think your getting any of that!

I’ll give my first wife credit, she didn’t need a computer to cheat on me. She did it the old fashioned way!

My second wife, was half French, half Indian. She Loved fire water! But fire water brought out the absolute worst in her. I can tell you from experience, the whoopee, is not worth the war path!

My last relationship, she was half french. Never get involved with a woman with french blood. They will never be faithful! you can’t trust them to keep them away from, the bratwurst, the knockwurst, the salami, the pepperoni, and the baloney!

I’ve been burned by brunettes, I’ve been crucified by red heads! Next time I want a blond,  who’s smart enough to know a good man when she has one.

I hope my next girl friend dumps me for a man from New Hampshire.  I can’t take being dumped for an other man from Maine. It would be humiliating,  degrading, and depressing!

A stupid womanizing jerk sleeping with your wife, or girl friend, isn’t just plain wrong! It’s a Night mare! It’s a horror movie, and the movie should be titled, Bang -Gore! Rated R, for Repulsive!

Bad wife’s and girl friends, make good muse’s!

My girl friend broke up with me on Christmas Eve. She could have  waited till Valentines day!

Whats the difference between the St’ Valentine’s day massacre, and the Christmas Eve massacre? The Valentine’s day massacre, they used guns and thousands, of bullets to kill some guys.  The Christmas Eve massacre, my girl friend didn’t use a gun, or bullets to kill me. She just cheated on me, dumped me!

Hey stupid, your spending Valentine’s day with the wrong man!

When my girl friend broke up with me, She refused to take back all the thing’s she bought me. She took the only thing I wanted to keep. Her!

Talk a bought a twist of Irony! My ex girlfriend is moving way up to Harlot Maine, to live with her  back woods Deuce Bigalow.  Now she’s officially a Hillbilly Harlot!  He should decorate the bed room in his hunting shack with signs that say, Entering Harlot!

Hey  Honey, if you paint the out house Pink, man from Maine  might be able to find it! Good luck house breaking him!

The back woods  Deuce Bigalow, thinks the Internet is when your having sex with more than one girl friend!  My ex girl friend will love that!

I wonder if Harlot Maine is any where near Peyton Place. Because my ex girl friend and man from Maine, certainly are a Soap Opera!

I should have sprayed my girl friend with back woods hillbilly off. Then that hick out house Romeo pest, would have stayed off her.

Driving north on the pike, in an  S. R.V, is another way of saying she cheated on me. She love’s me, but he make’s more money, that’s why she’s giving him the honey.  She never told him she already had a boy friend, when he stayed over Christmas week end. She neglected to tell Maine boy a bought me, now every body knows she cheated on me.

Internet Philanderer, why did you steal my girl, There are lot’s of other girls for you out there in this world. You could have found girls in Portland, Bangor, or Water-ville. Cause all you really wanted was a cheap little thrill!
Internet Philanderer, why did you take what I had, with out a thought what you done might be bad. You could have gone back to your wife, picked up broads in a bar, Instead you drove to Massachusetts, to steal my girl friend in your car!

My boss says, there’s lots of fish in the sea! Yea, and they are all wearing chastity belts, love money,  have  bad attitudes, and are too good to give a guy a chance!

This toy is to big to hide in your dresser draw, and wonders what you ever wanted me for! This toy loved to come out to play, and did not want to be thrown away. This toy has feelings he laughs and he cry’s, and did not want you to say goodby! This toy doe’s not need battery’s, he gives love and affection, he doe’s not belong in your discarded toy fling collection! This toy really loved you, would have been your King, now I know you never felt a dam thing!  I wanted love, I wanted joy, I never wanted to be a player woman’s toy! I almost feel sorry for your new plaything, how will he feel when he finds out he’s nothing more than a fling!

I dated a woman who’s  in the  boy friend witness protection program. she doe’s not want  any evidence she ever dated you, so she can tell the next guy I’ve never done this before.

I’ve got a bad case of, Post Traumatic break up Syndrome! Please send a beautiful nurse, with special med’s!

A man in love is a fool, who would take a woman back, after she lied, cheated, stabbed him, and dumped him, for some jerk, who isn’t half the man he is! some day she’ll figure out what she had, and threw away.

Charlene,  Ursala,  Nicole,  Teressa,  Sally!  Ex girl friend’s you wouldn’t want too meet next Tuesday.

I never understood what the big deal is a bought virginity? A car works better after you break it in!

When Eve split the Adam, it was an atomic reaction!

Woman are strange creatures. They will tell you a bought a couple of relationships they’ve had, but they will never tell you a bought  their thousands of one nite stands.

Never date a woman from Vergennes city, there’s something in the water that makes them crazy!

Professor, the university of birds, and bees. tuition free, night classes enrolling now!

I love Pink Kryptonite, even when it kills me!

Marriage turned me into a loveless, fun less source of income. With no rights and no authority! I’ve determined I can be love less, fun less, broke, and live in a messy house all by my self!

I love ,Guitars, Chocolate, and Ice cream. They are easy to get, inexpensive, they don’t talk back, they never ever tell you no, they can’t fight, they can’t cheat on you,  and they don’t know how to dial 911! that’s why they are the perfect love substitute.                    I’ve never seen a guy get in trouble, for picking up a guitar bringing it home  and playing with It. I’ve never heard of a guy getting a restraining order  for eating Chocolate. I’ve never heard of any guy going to Jail, for licking an ice cream cone!

Why woman are so hard for men to understand. A woman is the only thing in a mans universe, where he has to start at the top, to get to the bottom! And he ain’t never getting to the bottom!

My two wife’s were good for one thing, and one thing only. Writing county songs! Hank Williams never had so much inspiration!

If they built the Titanic, like my wife, it would have never gone down!

The Ocean is a harsh and foreboding mistress. Sailing men fear her. But , she never complained when she swallowed the Titanic!

Three woman. The girl in school who started me writing, too good, too smart, too pretty, to popular! I never had a chance. Her  name, Holly. My first wife, the serial cheater. Her name, Noel. My second wife, the addict. Her name, Darlene. In the order I met them, by what their names mean,  It reads, Holy Christmas Darling! You could  date a thousand woman, and not do that again!

It’s been so long sense I’ve been to home plate, I’ve forgotten what if looks like!

Hey girls, what part of anatomically correct, don’t you understand!

Remember, Barbie dolls are no fun, if you can’t play with them!

Girls are totally anatomically correct when it comes to fashion, make up, face lifts, breast augmentation. But when it comes down to guy’s, the bottom line, the nitty gritty, the prof in the pudding, proving that you are a woman,  girl’s are just manikins!

I hate when I see girls and woman wearing clothes that say, Pink, I love Pink,  University of Pink! When a guy see’s the word Pink, he doesn’t think of a blouse,  a skirt, sox, ribbons, Rose’s! He thinks of one thing, and one thing only! He can’t help it! This a grossly unfair tease! Don’t display what you ain’t planing to give away. Do not advertise, what ain’t for sale!  And don’t start a fire, you ain’t planing to put out! Simple common sense.

Making love ain’t rocket science girls, don’t make it impossible for the rocket to get to the moon!

For a man, It is better to be single and celibate, with money in the bank, peace of mind and option’s. Than it is to be married and celibate,  with no money, no peace, no option’s, and have your woman  cheating on you!

Today I wanted to kill my boss. I almost did. It would have made his ex wife very happy, so I couldn’t kill him. To make an ex wife happy is a crime!

This being single suck’s! Every woman I meet is, too tall, too short. Too young, too old. Too fat, too ugly! Every woman I meet, has a girl friend, a boy friend, a husband! every woman I meet has a bad attitude, an allergy to sex, a drug or alcohol problem! Or have been burned so bad they won’t even try any more, or won’t give a guy a chance!

It’s been so long sense I’ve had a girl friend, or a tune up! Roseann Barr, Melissa McCarthy, Joan Rivers, Susan Boyle, Natalie Maine’s, Elisabeth Warren, Margret Hamilton, crazy Lindsey Lohan, are starting to look really good!

Being married, made me feel like I was sleeping next to the valley of the dead!

All my life the guys would pack their guns, ammo, bows, arrows, camping gear, in pick ups, campers, buses, and go up to Maine hunting. Always up north, never around here. This might sound crazy, but who ever heard of a man from Maine hunting dear in Massachusetts?  He didn’t have a permit, and he should have left my dear meat alone! The out house reject, should have stayed in Maine where he be longed, and no one would have got hurt!

I hope my next girl friend, will tell me up front that she is a player. That I’m just a fling, shes only gonna keep for three months. She will tell me shes never dated  any one else, I’m her first fling, even tho It’s a lie!  Oh, she still has an old boy friend she hasn’t broke up with yet, hasn’t slept with him in years.  She s only going to let me think I’m in a relationship. shes going to accuse me of hitting on other woman, when I’m not, cause shes a cheater, and feels guilty. I will know up front, she will be dating behind my back, because shes always on the hunt. But the rules are, I can’t see other woman. I’m aware ahead of time, every thing I do will be wrong, this will give her reasons to start fights, and be mad at me  all the time. And give her reasons to practice breaking up with me, she will pretend to come back. she will call me to tell me she didn’t like her date, so I won’t realize he’s following her home to spend the night. It’s OK for her to sleep with two men at the same time, but I can’t have two woman at the same time. I hope my next girl friend will warn me not to  fall in love with her, because shes going cheat on me, and dump me for some guy from Maine  on the next holiday weekend. Instead of spending it with me like we planed! I can’t be devastated, because I was for warned.  She will never have any feeling s for me, It will all be an act.   If my next girl friend tells me all this in advance, I won’t be surprised next time.  P.S. she should tell me that she has more miles and germs, on her, than an old Grey Hound bus, so I can protect my heart, and body!

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Nicole Frechette

Sometime in 2009, I was going to the Charlie Horse in West Bridgewater for country night.  The Boston country station, KLB, was doing a singing contest. I was going in there and getting up and singing. But an old guy who doesn’t sing so great was no match for a bunch of young women who are wicked hot. I never won.

There was a young woman named Nicole Frechette who was getting up and singing in the contest, and with the band that was there. I talked to her a bunch of times and thought she was a very good singer, as well as beautiful. I asked her if she had a phone number or e-mail address. She gave me her self-titled CD, which I thought was very nice. I listened to it, put it in my pile of CDs and promptly forgot about it. It was very good though.

Nicole, was driving around an hour and  a half, from southern Connecticut to sing. I wouldn’t drive that far for a gig.

I stopped going in the Charlie Horse for reasons of time, and I felt out of place, like a high school dance. There was nobody old enough to dance with, let alone date.

Labor Day weekend, 2012, I looked up the Woodstock Fair in Connecticut to see who was the entertainment. I’d already seen Chuck Wicks, and I had seen Easton Corbin, but Easton was a short set opening for The Band Perry and Brad Paisley. At the fair, he was the headliner, and a much better show. What caught my eye was that Nicole Frechette was the opening act, so I made sure I went and saw her show. I bought her new CD and a picture. I stood in line for autographs and when it was my turn, to my amazement, she remembered me, remembered where she’d met me, and remembered that she had given me her CD. We were holding up the line talking. She spent a lot of time with me. I gave her my card, and told her I was on YouTube and had a web site. She signed the picture and the CD. It was hard to believe that she remembered me, and I couldn’t imagine her being more beautiful than she was when I first met her.

On the way home, I listened to her new CD, entitled Listen Hear. This CD is very good. As good as anything on the radio. Better than the Kennedy wedding crasher. On the second CD the standout song is track 3: He Wants Me. This song is mind-blowingly good. there is nothing on the radio like it. Its better than fastest girl in town. { Sorry Miranda. } Followed by Heartbreak Overdrive, Honey They Lied, and Take The Pain. On her first album, Yeah Right, a song about denying you’re in love, is the standout, and Cross Against the Moon, followed by What You Think About That and Don’t Make Me Go Tonight. There’s not a bad song on either album. What’s really cool is I have the original first album. She’s still selling the same CD, but with an updated cover. I got to thank her for the CD and it was nice to know she remembered me. I always felt forgettable. I’d really like to see her make it and hear her all over the radio, and be able to say “I met her before she was famous.”  Good luck Nicole, knock ’em dead!

If you like this review, check out Nicole’s two c.d.’s, and tell your friends on face book about Nicole, and my site.

Posted in Concerts, Other Artists, Reviews | 1 Comment

I’ll keep the kids!

This is rated, P.G. 13.

I’ve spent forty years working In a garage, Isolated from the public. surrounded by rude crude guys, dirty jokes, high jinx, and stupidity. Add two bad marriages, two divorces, and  a lot of hard knocks. Whats Inappropriate to you is normal to me. My comments on divorce, are blunt, and brutally honest. this is a warning. Expect the worst!

Saturday January 3, 13. I heard the new Montgomery – Gentry song, I’ll keep the kids.
I stopped what I was doing and clapped! This song makes a point that every man going threw a divorce has been trying to make for years, but had no voice, got no choice.
In the song, the wife has list of every thing she wants in the divorce. House, cars, furniture, jewelry, virtually every thing the guy has worked for all his life. And stupid Judges will most often give it to her! Not to mention the maxim new boy friend support allowed by flaw law. For cigarettes, drugs, booze, and partying!
In the song,  the warpath wife, forgot to put the kids on the list! This pretty much sums up the female divorce mentality. The husband calls her on the carpet. You can have every thing on the list, I’ll keep the kids.
A man going into divorce court, is a unimportant, invisible creature, with no rights. His only function is pay child support. After they strip him of every he owns! And leaves him homeless.
Custody, forget it! It takes an act of god for a man to get custody. His wife has to be a murderer, druggy, dead, for a guy to get a fair shot. She gets the house, he gets homeless and broke.
justice doesn’t exist!

Sex! forget it! My second wife  told me , if you touch me, your going to jail, sex ain’t part of marriage! And have you been to the bank, wheres my money! When I informed her that when she said I do, she agreed to never cheat on me. My wife said, its my body, I can do any thing I want with it! If you don’t like it, take me to court, they won’t do any thing to me.  They will give me everything!  With a woman, sometimes the whoopee,  ain’t worth the warpath!   Divorce is the screwing you get, for the loving you didn’t get!

The first wife was a serial cheater. But she was quiet about it. Till this one guy, { she was 31, he was 19. } tried to shoot me in my drive way. She bailed him out of jail. she couldn’t understand why I divorced her. She fought me for the kids, then dumped them at her mothers. Her mother raised them. They won’t talk to her.
The second wife liked to play with restraining orders. It made her powerful. If she started a fight, and it did not go her way, she would exercise control over me with a restraining order!   Once she had me at bay, the divorce signed and sealed,  she ignored the kids, in favor of her boy friend.
she died four months after the divorce was final. I owe her estate. I can’t afford to keep my own house, It’s falling apart I’ve no money to fix it.  And legally, can’t do anything a bought it. She had a free  female Lawyer, who was a see you next Tuesday, out to nail me to a cross! I went broke paying my Lawyer to fight her. My Lawyer was a female too. I lost my Ass, and came away feeling like I was ganged up on three against one.
I’ll keep the kids, resonates with all the married and divorced, men out there. Where marriage, and divorce are equally unfair.
I told my dad, I,d have to get laid, ten times a day, for two hundred and fifty years, to make up for the time, money and aggravation, woman have cost me. { this was a joke between father and so, not to be taken seriously. }

The worst part is, I can never get a date! Its impossible! And  making love, not in a woman’s agenda. A good relationship that lasts, never been in one. I’m always in a relationship by my self.      I get lied to, used, cheated on, I get to play financial tag, and I’m it.

Being married, is like your forced pay for a car you can’t own, can’t sell, can’t drive, you have to maintain it, but you can’t stop every Tom, Dick, and Harry from driving your car! I was  paying my wife, to neglect the kids, the house, and me,  keep me celibate, while I supplied her with the time, money, car, to cheat on me!

A friend, has the modern American marriage, he has a wife, kids, responsibility’s, his wife has a boy friend! He takes care of the kids, and can’t do anything a bought it. He can’t afford a divorce, he needs a sitter for the kids when he works, he’s trapped! the court protects her, and won’t help him.  A man  with a wife and kids, is in a trap he can’t get out of. It’s all cost and no rewards.  A man gets caught in a pink steel trap!  And can’t get out of the mess it causes.

I love Italian Wedding soup, I hate weddings. They should make an American divorce soup. Bread and water, with a bitter seasoning, served cold. But then the divorce Judge would take it away from you!

As a song writer, I know, if you can grab a listeners attention the first time they hear a song,  you have something.
My hats off to the song, I,ll keep the kids. For telling it like it is! For all the men who are powerless in marriage, powerless in divorce, powerless to get sex!
May this song go to no. one on the charts.  And still be played ten years from now.  Montgomery – Gentry,   thank you for this song!

If you like my comment, if you have been burned by marriage and divorce, tell your friends on face book a bought this site.

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Dating Sucks!

Dating Sucks, and It does not have to be that way.

This is the story of January Snow, and how she dumped me on December 24, 2012, for A  fly by night, man from Maine, traveling gigolo, just looking for an easy piece of ass, pit stop when he’s In Boston on a business trip.

  • This story is rated P.G. 13.
  • I have never written a story like this before.  My two wife’s gave me just cause too, but I’ll save that for someday. If I dated some new, I would not write a story a bought them. I’m not bashing here, and I didn’t make this story up. Something very wrong happened, I’m telling it like it is. Thank you, Gary.
  • I have never in my life been very good at getting girls. If I like one, and shes pretty, she will never have any thing to do with me. And sex, where girls are concerned, is a physical impossibility. Twelve years of school, for a guy who loved females, was a complete and total disappointment. When a teen boy can’t get action, life sucks!
  • The worst part is, the biggest jerks always get the girls.
  • I got my first wife by knocking up a friend’s sister. She needed a meal ticket, and I was a sucker. She became my serial cheater, and I her meal ticket, until one of her boyfriends tried to shoot me. She was 31, he was 19.
  • My second wife liked cigarettes, caffeine, alcohol, and cocaine more than she liked herself, me, or the kids. Getting sober meant cheating at AA, and divorce. I never found anyone to counter-cheat with.
  • The only girlfriend I could find after the divorce was not very good looking. I looked like the trophy boyfriend. We got along very well, she was more fun than my two wife’s.  She wanted to get married, I did not. In time, she broke up with me, thank God. There is so much more to these stories than I have time for right now.
  • This story is a little long, bare with me. I did not write this story  out of malice,  or to be vindictive. It was not conceived out of revenge, or to get sympathy. Nor am I trying to make  my subjects look bad. Except for some venting at the end, the events  chronicled are true. There is some conjecture on my part as to January Snows motives, and what the truth is.
  • For two and a half years I could not get a date. Girls enjoy shooting us down for sport, when they should be sporting guys some love. We would all be happier!
  • I had given up trying to get a date, or a girl friend, hitting on woman was just a waste of time. They are, too young, too old, or taken. Or told lies about their status. They don’t understand the concept, give a guy a chance!
  • On August 29, 2012. I was in the store. I started talking to myself about how hard it is to buy food for one person, I never finish anything. I was standing at the prepackaged cold cuts, when a woman walked up beside me. I started talking to her. We covered many subjects, including her divorce, and my two divorces. I had not been trying to hit on her, but I decided I should try. I gave her my card I use to get people to check out  my YouTube account.
  • A business card is the kiss of death, a girl will never call you. I told her, don’t let the card put you off, it’s just a come on, please call me. Her name is January Snow.
  • A week to the day we met, she called me. I was shocked! No woman ever calls me.  She said the reason she called me was, I said I never wanted to  get married again.  She said, that sounded good to her.  We talked on the phone several times and had our first date on Sept 9, 12.
  • We met for Breakfast. We talked for two hours in the restaurant, and two hours in the parking lot.  { Breakfast Sundays, would become  A ritual. }
  • On Wednesday, a second date. Friday, a movie. She Invited me home to spend the night. I was surprised and thrilled, this sort of thing, never happens to me!  Saturday, she stayed over my  house, the flurry’s of  love began too grow!
  • Looking back, this seemed way too easy for Jan, like she had done this a hundred times. It was way to easy, for me to o get this date, and moved to fast. January would tell me repeatedly that she is shy, and a prude.  She is not shy, when dating some one new, and handles new sleep overs like a pro!
  • More dates, more sleep overs. My life was good for a change!
  • on Sept 22 2012, I took her to a fair she had never been to. The big E.  We saw Jay Black, Kenny Vance, and the Tokens. A bad thunder storm approaching cut Jays show short.  She had a couple of beers at the fair, We had a fight on way home. I freaked out, my second wife would drink and want to fight in the car. She did not like me talking to strangers, telling jokes and stories, or giving out my business cards. I was telling an old guy from N.H. , the story of how the song,  fire in the hayloft came to be, Jan freaked out. I was a teenager, for God sakes!
  • And oh God, if I talked to a female, all hell came down on my head.
    Jan bought a cow girl hat at the fair. It looked good on her.
  • A note.  she hated  her ex husband,  Newton Snow  for cheating on  and leaving her. So, Jan became paranoid if I talked to females.  She  thought I was hitting on them.
  • I’m not a cheater, and I would not hit on anyone in Jan’s presence, had no reason to hit behind her back. We survived the fight.
  • The next red flag, came in the form of January telling me I haven’t been completely honest. I have a long term, long distance, boy friend named Tye, who lives in my house, in castle New York. Near the river to lake Champlain.
  • And they went to fox woods together in August, just before I met her. She said Tye complains I’m always mad at him.
  • I have been down here in mass for six years, and Tye won’t move down here to mass, and won’t let me move back there. I wanted to break up with him for a long time, but hes in my house and I don’t want any thing to happen to my things. She told me that she missed having a man in her life, and that I was the first time she had been unfaithful. { This is probably a gigantic lie!!!!!!! She  repeatedly emphasized, how much she loved sex! Would you believe she was in Massachusetts for six years, and didn’t cheat on a guy who lived five hours away?    }
  • January and I got closer, I fell in love with her, she started spending almost every night sleeping over my house. It was great, I had not felt like this for years.
  • January talked a bought  her younger son Neil, there was A problem with his car door. I offered to fix it, she wouldn’t bring it over. She didn’t want him to meet me. this was odd. They got a used door instead.
  • I love haunted house’s and after high school, two failed marriages, and two divorce’s, plus playing in a band. Not much scares me. January had never been to a haunted house.
  • On Sunday October 21, 12. I took Jan to witches woods, three  haunted houses, and a hay ride. Jan did not like it. She was easily scared, and never wants to go to one again. I was disappointed. I wanted so bad to have some one to go places , and do things with. At least I didn’t do anything she objected too, and I didn’t have to fight on the hour drive home.
  • January met my parents, and charmed them. they felt she was very good for me. Boy did she fool them!
  • On Friday October 26, 12. Tye came down too visit. She slept in the same bed with him, claims nothing happened, I bet that’s a lie. She claims she broke up with him on the 28th, and he left on Monday the 29th. { A note, castle New York is A  five and a half hour drive, from south eastern  mass. }  January said she never wanted to be in a long distance relationship again.  { Its ten minuets from my house to hers. Distance will come up again later. } I know if I was in bed with another woman, there would be hell to pay. I was just glad to get her back. She left the cow girl hat at my house so Tye wouldn’t see it.
  • I guess its different when a woman does it. If a man cheats, its adultery and a crime. If a woman cheats, it’s multi’tasking, and it’s alright.
  • I don’t think Jan broke up with him, least I don’t know for sure. she lied to me about him, never told him about me. January, cheated on Tye, with me, and possibly on me with Tye,  the week end  of Oct 26, 12.{ I will never know, but I see a trend developing. }
  • {  Dear Tye, in castle New York. For ” PETE’S ” sake, your being made a fool of, wake up! You have been lied to for years, while shes probably  been cheating on you, like her ex husband cheated on her. }
  • The worst part is I became her secret. Not only did Jan never tell Tye about me, she never introduced me to her younger son  Neil, who worked at the burger joint. When Neil  and Tye’s daughter asked If she broke up with Tye for some one else, Jan lied, and said there is on one else.
    This is the story she told me, could be another lie, I don’t know. Jan did not want her son putting me on face book, Tye would find out about me. Jan does not want Tye ,or her son too know about me. I wanted to show Jan off to every body.
  • In contrast, Jan’s older son West,  is the keeper of all her secrets, including me. { And all the men before me? } Also, Tye is almost old enough to be Jan Snows father.
  • Strange, Jan had the nerve to accuse me of hitting on twenty somethings, when I give out my card trying to sell my you tube songs. No twenty something is going to go out with me at fifty eight. But it was alright for her to be with an old guy.
  • Another unusual thing, January never took a single picture of any place we went, or of me, or of us together. I didn’t notice this till later in the relation ship.  Something else that was a red flag I didn’t see. When I was with Jan, her phone would ring, she would look at the screen, press a button, not take the call. She would say it was her son, and she’ll call him later. I believe I was not the only man in picture.   I wanted a relationship and some one I could go places, and do things with. Some one I could trust. This would prove to be a problem. I had stumbled into a players secret world, and I had become January’s newest secret, in a web of lies and deceit.
  • I took Jan to the cranberry festival,  and she got mad cause I talked to the D.J. and the woman from the country station. I wasn’t hitting on her either.  She was probably  mad because I Was talking to the girl in band to!  And I wasn’t ignoring Jan. It was her paranoia, her imagination, her mistrust.  I trusted her when we were apart, and when she went on long company trips. I wonder if she did the one nite stranger thing, when away from me. No honesty there.
  • She had never been too King Richards fair, I took her. Jan it seams can’t go any place with out getting mad at me. I wore a joke shirt I had made to see if any one got the riddle. She didn’t like the shirt. January wasn’t impressed with the fair. Rain forced us to seek shelter. I started talking to a early twenty something life long fair rat, about the fair,  and my daughter who works there. Next thing I know January is incredibly mad, and wanted to leave early. there was a big fight in the car.
  • Jan accused me of hitting on the twenty something girl. This girl was so pretty she would not have gone out with me if I was her age.
  • I live in an R rated , Adam Sandler movie world. My jokes and story’s are intended to be as close to inappropriate as I can get with out going over board. Jan is living in a 1962 Disney movie, and can’t handle the heat. Every thing is inappropriate to her. She ruined my day at the fair.
  • Next up, we went to a benefit, and January got bent out of shape cause I gave a woman who went to my high school my card.  I have a song about school on you tube,  I had  told her about. I never asked the woman for her name,  address, or phone no. , but I was hitting on her. I wasn’t. I wish I had now, she was hot .I was getting tired of explaining that I’m not hitting on any one, and have no reason too. I gave my card to men as well.
  • My two divorce’s, left me in big trouble. I  can’t afford to keep my own house, and I have nothing to retire on. I need A break as a writer.  that why the you tube videos.
  • Jan was like a sheltered child, and I tried, to show her the world.
  • January loves too go out for breakfast. On november, 4, 12. I brought her to a different restaurant, she had never been to before. The hostess liked my shirt, I was telling the hostess about some of my other shirts. I have one that says, marriage! not now I have a headache. The girl was in her early twenty’s and would, never date me. And I wasn’t hitting on her . I got hell for that. Please, I need Prozac to deal with this.
  • Every year the first Sunday in November, there is a train show I go to. January had never been to one. she was surprised by how many people were there, and how many model trains were available. Jan bought a couple of Box cars. Baby Ruth, and Gerber baby food.
  • There was an old guy selling miniature neon signs. One sign was for Clark candy bars. Jan loved it, but didn’t buy it. I would have, if I had the extra money. Sorry I can’t tell why she liked the sign. I managed to survive the train show with out being crucified.
  • We made it there most of November with out a problem. Jan was staying over almost  every night. It felt like we were A real couple, almost like we were married.  And I actually thought about it.
  • I love Christmas lights. One of my favorite places is Eda ville rail road. Seven million lights, twelve rides, a two and a half mile ride on a two foot gauge train. you have too see it to believe it. Christmas music playing every where. I had to bring January. She was cold, wouldn’t go on the rides, she liked the train ride cause the cars had heat. I go there three or four times each Christmas.  Jan said she wouldn’t go there again. I was disappointed. I did not do any thing to make her mad that night. I have been taking my brother  and his kids to Eda ville, for four years.  The kids love it. He loves to take pictures. When he tried to take pictures of Jan and my self together,  Jan turned away every time.
  • At this point January had a monopoly on all my spare time. I was in love with her and didn’t mind. I love to go to the movies, and couldn’t git there. Seams the only time Jan gos to the movies, is when shes dating someone new. Funny, she named movies she had seen at the theater, before she met me.  That leaves me to wonder who she went to those movies with? We were not new, any more, and Jan wouldn’t go with me.
  • It has occurred to me,  the possibility  I was not the first time January cheated on Tye.   And If  Tye  moved down here,  or Jan back to castle, she wouldn’t be able to date around. Later, at the end, Jan would refer to me as a fling. I’m wondering, how many flings, came before me.
  • I bought Jan a nice Christmas card, To my sweet heart, with love. I bet she threw it out, because it was evidence of me. remember I’m a secret!
  • Jan liked to spend money. she bought me, sheets, pillow cases, a comforter, welcome mat, bath mat, towels, hiking boots, a coat, food, the tab in a restaurant. January wanted to buy me a flat screen T.V. I would not let her.  I started to feel like A Gigolo. { At the end, she wouldn’t take anything back. }
  • I thought she was perfect for me. Close to my age, pretty, kids grown up, her own house, car, money, a Vermont farm girl, good values, smart, but not the I’m too good to need a man woman I usually meet. Honest, and in love with me. Jan doesn’t smoke, do drugs, never drinks more than two beers. perfect!
  • Thanks giving eve,  I stayed over her house, it was only the second time. Jan said she felt funny about having me over night, if her secret keeping son  west, was there. I stayed till twelve noon, she watched the parade with me. guess I had to leave before her younger son Neil,  came over.  She had to hide me, her secret!
  • A fortress full of minuet men couldn’t protect me from what was to come.
  • January spent the rest of the week end at my house. Sunday, November 25, 12 . I had some thing special planed. It would turn into a day I will regret, for the rest of my life!
  • There is a country themed restaurant that is hard to get into, I planed to be there before it opened. We were the first customers. Lunch went well, January liked  the place,  and the food. I got in trouble for talking to the guy clearing the tables about music.  I gave him my card. On the way out, I recommended some new country singers too the Waite staff, cause they liked country. They were females. All too young for me, I was being nice, not hitting on them.  The accusation, came anyways.
  • In the 1960’s, there was an enchanted village, at Christmas time,  in Jordan Marsh in Boston. It’s now in Jordan’s furniture in Avon mass. It’s been restored. I love it. January had never seen it, so I had to bring her there. We waited in line  for an hour. I stated talking too the guy behind me . he had three young children, and also played Guitar. I gave him my card. { I would later get accused  of hitting on his wife . I did not! }  we finally got  to the Village.  They take your picture before you go in. Jan and I posed.
  • I’m always thrilled to see the Village. I’ll go three times each Christmas.  January was Luke  warm  towards it. The store also has A Christmas lazer lite show, one of the songs is Wizards in winter, by T.S.O. Her favorite song, from Xmas lite’s gone wild.
  • When we were in line for tickets, there was A young woman behind us with an eight year old boy. She was very upset  that the  movie ride was sold out for hours in advance, and it  took her forty five  minuets to get there.  I bought tickets, Jan and I went to the lite show.  Jan actually  liked the lite show.  thank god! I wanted to buy the picture they took of us, Jan wouldn’t let me.
  • Again, no evidence I ever existed!
  • They make you pass threw the furniture displays to get back to entrance. Jan bought A half dozen muffins and coffee. what happened next, was me being A nice guy and, absolutely nothing more.
  • While Jan was fixing her coffee, the young woman who had been in line behind us for tickets, passed by. I had kids, and experienced  their disappointment. I asked the woman, { the girl in the green dress, as she would become known as. } if she had made it on the movie ride. she said no. I told her to come back after Christmas, there will be no line. And take your son to Eda ville rail road, and La Salette  shrine for the Christmas lights.  I asked were she lived as A point of reference. I said  that’s  not that far, I drive  that  far to work every day.
  • The girl in the green dress, was too young for me, I never asked for her name, address, or phone no.  I never gave her my card! And I never saw her again. I saw A woman with A child and tried to be helpful, nothing else.
  • Jan was there, I did nothing  behind her back. I did nothing that could be mistaken for hitting on, or cheating. Nothing I’m ashamed of, or needed to apologize for. My act of kindness, turned into my dooms day.
  • The ride home was horrible.  I was trapped in the car with A monster, and couldn’t escape. January insisted that I had hit on the guys wife, and that I had hit on the girl in the green dress. Now I wish I had, maybe she would appreciate me. The fight went on all night, Jan would not listen to reason.
  • I was so mad, that when we went to bed, I would not hug her, kiss her, touch her. I wouldn’t kiss her in the morning.  That was a mistake.
  • When I got home, Monday night, I waited to call Jan. She informed me she wasn’t coming over, but she had left her pillow at my house. I needed to go to the store, and snidely, asked, is there any thing else you want back! Well, now that you mention it. I said, are you breaking up with me? Jan said , well I was going to wait till Wednesday to tell you. I said you can  get it over with now!  When I dropped off her pillow,  she said, I can’t handle that thing you do,  talking to other people, and I replied, I can’t have you freaking out every time I take you some where for no good reason.
  • Jan said we can still be friends, and that I could call any time.  We talked on Wednesday night, I apologized for being so mad Sunday and Monday morn, and  could explain every incident she brought up. and why I did and said what I did. And Jan admitted, I had not  done anything  wrong.  The wedge was already in place.
  • We talked on Thursday, I told her she could  come over any time  she wanted to. Friday, Jan left A message that she wanted to come over Sunday
  • December 2, 12. I thought  she was coming to pick up her things she had left here. I had bought the third T.S.O. c.d., so I bought  A stocking and candy, and made her A Christmas stocking, and gave it to her. No one had given her a Xmas stocking sense she was eight. I took two pictures of Jan! The only pictures I ever got of her.
  • Next thing I know, Jan was back in my bed. We talked every night on the phone, Jan told me she was going to see what was out there. I did not take it seriously. She was already home with me and didn’t need any body else. I thought she could see that. We talked on the phone every night. Jan did not sleep over during the week anymore, I would find out why later.
  • Jan came over the next weekend too,  I  thought we would be alright.
  • Sunday Dec, 9, 12. I brought her to La Salette shrine, Jan had never been there, and liked it. They add more lights each year. On that way home, we stopped at Taunton green, it always has A nice display.  Then came back to my house.
  • I was trying to change for her, and did not do anything to make her mad at me. there was hope. We talked by phone every night. I made it clear to Jan, I would change, but she would have to meet me half way. she had to change also. We could have made it work.
  • On Saturday, Dec 15, 12,  she brought me coffee. Saturdays she would baby sit her grand son, Sparky.  Jan had been bringing  Sparky to my house to play in my back yard all fall. I have swings that are sixteen feet from the ground, a See Saw, a tire swing, Twelve feet, and a eighteen foot long play ground slide from a drive in.
  • Later Saturday,  January came to my friends Christmas party, with her grand son. we had A good time. the kid rolled on the floor, and she had to wash his cloths.  People at the party commented on how much she seamed to be in love  with me, and how happy we looked together. I made  a point of staying by Jan’s side, the whole time she was at the party. I avoided talking to anybody, if I could. I wanted to show her I could do this for her. I was trying to change for her, but she had to change too, meet me half way. that wouldn’t happen.
  • When the boys mother picked him up, Jan came over, and spent the night. We went to breakfast Sunday morning, and she stayed over Sunday night. We were back to normal.
  • January went shopping Monday night, Dec 17, 12,  I went to a movie, she would not go to see with me.  Remember, Jan dose not like to go to the movies, unless she’s dating some one new. But Jan met me at the mall at 8:30. we had pizza, and talked. January went to Macy’s, I went to Yankee candle. There was A candle she picked out  of the catalog, whiskers on kittens.  I bought it for her. I was looking for A Johny  Rivers c.d. for Jan, with the song Summer rain on it. I could not find it. And I didn’t get into any trouble, I didn’t make her mad.  I thought things  were looking good and we would be alright.
  • We went back to my house, Jan spent the night. I could not have known it would be the last time. I woke up with A cold  A week till Christmas. Just my luck.
  • That was Tuesday Dec, 18, 12. We talked that night, but she wouldn’t come over, cause she didn’t want to get sick.   A note. Jan is going for Surgery next year, 2013, that will make her so sexy, she will be able to get a  new boy friend every week end, L.O.L.   She would be four to six weeks of recovery. No Sex at all.  { what guy is going to be faithful for that long!   I hope he isn’t. } The procedure  won’t be for me and I won’t get to see it. This will make sense, soon.  I loved Jan and thought she was perfect the way she is, I couldn’t see why this was so important.  Was it ego, self esteem, insecurity.  Or to be a more desirable player, to get men easier.
  • January gave me A pretty  Christmas card, that says, there is no one else like you. I took this card to mean that January  really loved me. And I had nothing to worry about.
  • Some thing else that happened, when Jan broke up with me Nov 26, 12, her secret keeping son West,  put her on A dating website.  That’s the story she told me. Guys on those sites are desprite,  hunters, predators,  or treat woman like used cars, every woman is different, and these men are trying to see how many they can test drive.  Its a  game and I’m not like that.  When January told me about the website, I thought it was a  joke. She was sleeping with me. I figured she  might window shop, realize  these guys are womanizing losers, that she wouldn’t want, and that I was a long term sure thing, and I had nothing to worry about. Jan dated behind my back, like A sneak. During the week. I wonder how many dates she didn’t tell me a bought, and how many of them got lucky? If any.
  • Funny she would tell me about some of them.  There were losers, old guys looking for A replacement wife, younger men looking for A mommy for their kids. Jan said these guys are making you look real good. So I wasn’t worried.
  • On Wednesday night Dec, 19, 12. I called January,  left A message. She called me back, said she was on a date, and didn’t like the guy. All he did was talk a bought his wife and the divorce he was going through. They had been to dinner, and she was driving to the movies in Foxboro. January  called me after the movie, and talked to me all the way home. she saw Argo, A movie she would not go see with me. Remember, Jan doesn’t like to go to the movies, unless shes dating some one new.   She told me the guy talked threw the whole movie, and she didn’t like him.  Remember,  she didn’t like him!  January thought it was funny, that this guys night mare wife is named Holly. I have a Holly I wish I never met, from my teens. From the story he told her over dinner, Jan  said this Holly sounded just like my second wife, crazy! I ask you, what kind of a woman sneaks dates behind your back, then tells you a bought them? This makes no sense!
  • We talked on Thursday night, Friday night, I still had A cold, or she would have come over. Dec 21, 12 was my birthday, and the world didn’t end.
  • Jan and I had plans for the weekend. She was to come over Sat night. and we were going to A movie Sunday night, and stay over.  Out for breakfast Monday morning, and spend Christ mas eve together. I was going to make breakfast Christmas morning. We had already talked about New Years eve.
  • I talked to Jan Saturday morning, she brought me coffee, around 12:15.  She  asked me to check  the air in her tires. Jan had A strange look on her face, like some one forced  to, or a bought to, make A bad decision, or torn by what to do.
  • I called Jan around 3:00, with regard to Saturday night. { She was excited cause she didn’t have to baby sit her grand son Sparky,  that Saturday. }  For the first time ever, Jan got mad  at me on the phone she yelled I’m doing my hair!  Why is she doing her hair! A  feeling of dread came over me. I called her around 4″30, To apologize, and Jan Got mad at me again. I can’t talk I’m on A date, and I’m trying to find the place. You can imagine how I felt, we had plans. Where did this date come from? Suddenly I was scared, afraid of where the date was going. I said in panic, I’m trying to keep you, your husband never tried as hard as I am to keep you! Jan replied, I know! My plea didn’t make any difference.
  • she never called me back that night. She knew she was going on the date, when she brought me coffee. Want A sneak! I went by her  house around A  11″30, and there was a strange car in the yard, no lights on. The car was a gold Mopar, parked on the lawn, I didn’t see the no. plate.
  • I couldn’t sleep all night. Jan went on a date, Wed Dec 19,  the day after she slept with me,  And brought A stranger home for the night, Sat Dec, 22.  five days after being with me.
  • I had to go to break fast Sunday morning, with family. I didn’t really  enjoy it. when I got home, I left Jan a message. she didn’t call back. I left three more messages, spread out between after noon and evening. I went to the movie by my self.
  • Around,  11″00 Sunday night, I went by her  house, and the strange  car was still in the yard. Another night I couldn’t sleep!
  • At 11:03,   Monday morning, Christmas eve, January called to tell me she was breaking up with me for,  A  fly by night, man from Maine, traveling gigolo, Who was just looking for an easy piece of ass, pit stop, when he comes down to Boston on a business trip! And she gave it to him!  On the second date!  A total stranger!  The womanizer from hell! She should have seen him coming! He lives  four hours drive north of here.  { maybe this is A lie too, the from Maine part.  Or the distance is shorter than she told me.} I remember something about no more long distance relation ships!  It gets worse, hes the guy she didn’t like from Wednesday night.
  • Why is A guy who lives three and A half hours north of Boston, looking for A woman down here. If he can’t find A date up in Maine, there must be some thing wrong  with him. And with all the woman in the world, why my girl friend? I bet hes just playing her, and he has a girl friend in Maine. He must have got her drunk, and she got stupid. They ruined my week end, and Christmas.
  • The world didn’t  end  on 12, 21, 12.      But my world ended  on Dec, 24 ,12.    Thanks Too a woman who played me till I was all played out ! And a thoughtless philander from Maine, who should have found A slut or two in his own back yard. January told me, shes the  Queen of the quickie, { could imply she’s not  Innocent she claims to be . }  she should have said shes the Queen of the lies.  She lied to Tye,  she lied to her younger son Neil,  she lied to me.  she never told Tye , or Neil  about me.
  • she  never told man from Maine about me, or that she was with  me the week end before. five days before! she lied to him before she ever went on A date with him. he got, what he wanted at my expense,  and  rushed back to his other girl friend with out spending Christmas eve with her . I cant wait for him to dump her. All the accusations, thrown at me, Jan turned out to be the cheater! She is the one who couldn’t be trusted.  It was as if she let her ex husband break us up, out of paranoia. Cheat on me, break up with me, before I could break up with her! she had the nerve to say I was a nice fling! This was never a fling to me, it was love!
  • she owes me an apology, not I’m sorry, but Gary , I love you.  Jan should look in the mirror and say, I’m in love with Gary, but sleeping with a stranger from Maine.
  • What is wrong with this picture. I never did anything, that would constitute being cheated on, or being dumped like this, or the fights.  No legitimate reason!  Cruelty is not dead, it comes from your girl friend on Christmas Eve! It comes from being cheated on, then dumped!  Its possible I have discovered January  has A Mod-us  Operand i, in regards to men.  I just became the newest victim!
  • There are two famous Quotes, the pen, is mightier  than the sword. And, I fear we have awakened A sleeping  Giant!  And I’m awake! And I’m mad!
  • I had to insist that Jan came over my house, to get her Christmas presents. I wanted her to face me!  I didn’t spend much, the Yankee Candle, she picked out. The first, and second T.S.O. Cd’s, A box of ribbon candy, some soap, and mix of lose candy I knew she likes. She seamed really pleased about what I gave her. For a moment, she was still mine.
  • I warned her about bringing strangers home, and being safe and careful. { maybe I should be warning the strangers about Jan! }  I asked if she told man from Maine a bought me, she said no. Are you going to tell Tye and Neil  about man from Maine, she said no. I asked why? Jan said too many questions. { This story was born on November 29. That is why I asked those Questions. } There is A pattern.  I  pointedly, asked January, you keep telling you like me. she replied,  I do do like you. I said,  when I look at your  face, I can tell you love me. Why have you never said it to me? Her reply, its not in my nature to say it. Such A strange  way to admit  the truth.  If you love me,why are we breaking up? Why are you sleeping with some one else. Our problems  are minor compared to most couples.  there was nothing so bad we couldn’t work it out. people look for love and never find it, we have it! Jan gave up on us with out trying! I never gave up on Jan, or us.
  • I was crying most of the time January was in my kitchen. She was trying to show no emotion. The look on her face was ,  ” I made A big miss take, but its to late to turn back now”!  If you never do some thing stupid, you never have  to turn back! Or regret.
  • Jan told me, no one before me had ever, hugged her, kissed her, fawned over her, before me. {probably  A lie! }  Jan said, man from Maine does, he’s just like you.  you dumped me for A man who’s just like me!  But lives four hours away? I asked what are you going to do, if he has an other girl friend in Maine? Her reply,  I’ll take my chances.  she would never put up with that from me!
  • January  even lies to her self!  Shes lying to her self! This almost makes sense.  Jan can’t say shes sorry, can’t say I  love you, and she can’t cry! And can’t be honest with her self, or a boy friend.  Jan is so insecure, she can’t  believe any man could  actually love her, and stay by her side. Jan is so afraid of commitment, she can’t make one, and runs, if a man wants one. Man from Maine will never give her a commitment, and she is not in love with him, so its safe.
  • I  told January, If the man from Maine dumps you, I’ll take you back. And  I meant it! But only if your going to stay for good this time! No dating, no cheating behind my back. Taking Jan back would be a mistake. she proved I can’t trust her, she would do the same thing all over again, and dump me again!  Jan would never  go back to the same fling twice.  Even if shes in love with me.
  • I never would have done to her, what she did to me Christmas week end. I,  never in good con-chance, could ever! break up with anyone on Christmas Eve
  • I stood on the steps, totally in tears, and watched as Jan backed out of my driveway. Jan never took her eyes of me till her car was out of site! Jan left me,  A man she is in love with, for A man she isn’t in love with.  Jan left A man who loves her more than she will ever know. For A traveling sales man player, who will never love her Or hang around for long.
  • We had four months, To know we can get along. but January said that, her and the fly by night  romeo had more in common with her, on the basis of two dates, and A weekend of shacking  up, and they liked computers.  There  will always be four hours of distance between Jan and man from Maine, even when they are together.  It’s  a  matter of time before he  gets tired of driving four hours each way, to spend less than two days together,  and five days apart. Or she gets mad at him, like she did to Tye and me.  Somebody will get dumped!
  • January sold me the sweet and innocence story, and I believed it. I’m a fool! I kept asking Jan, where did learn to kiss so good? She said I don’t know. Well it wasn’t from sitting home watching T.V. !  Must have been flings!
  • And so much for still being friends! a B.S. line . She said I changed her life, another break up line.  And I can’t sleep with two men at the same time. More lies!
  • I’m so mad at man from Maine for stealing my girl! I,m mad at my self for not doing more to make her stay! In the end it’s January’s fault! She knew what she was doing, the first time she invited me home. she knew what was doing when she dated behind my back, and didn’t tell  them a bought me. she knew what she was doing when she brought man from Maine home. To not tell us we are being played, and are just flings is a crime. I can’t blame  man from Maine.
  • No matter what Jan does,  I will  always be in the back of her mind!
  • The flurry’s of love  turned into A storm, I wish I could have avoided.  You cant control who  you are attracted to, or who you fall in love with. And you can’t count on the other person to do the right thing!!! You can’t count on them to be faithful.
  • My story has turned into a novel, from a break up expos a. I thought I was done writing.
  • Detectives  solve crimes by letting clues manifest in to solutions. there is a lot of speculation on my part, I don’t know what the truth is.
  • This is a theory. I speculate that man from Maine, lives in Maine, but works in Boston area, or is in the Boston area a lot during the week. stays in the area at night,  And gos back to Maine on the weekend. I further speculate, that Jan met him back in November on the web,  And may have been seeing him the week nights she didn’t sleep over my house, maybe before the Nov, fight. she may have broke up with me Nov 26, 12. to be able to spend more time with him, by breaking up with me, and blaming me for it. I couldn’t know she slept with him during the week, he would never know she slept with me on the week end. her cake and eat it too! Until, Christmas  week end.  Man from Maine wanted to spend the week end with Jan, she couldn’t do it with out me finding out a bought him. It put her in a catch 22. She couldn’t break up with him with out answering a lot of questions. She was forced to brake up with me, and ruined the cushy set up she had going. there was a change in some thing in our  sexual  relationship that should have tipped me off she was sleeping with some one else to. I missed it. Wednesday Dec, 19, 12, when she called me from the date, it was a smoke screen! If she told me she didn’t like  the guy, I wouldn’t suspect anything was going on. When January called me, and talked to me all the way home from Foxboro,I was giving her directions. when she got almost home, she suddenly said, I’ve got to go, and never called me back. the whole time we talked during her drive home, man from Maine was following her! If I had gone by Jan’s house Wed, Dec 19, 12. I would have found his car in her yard. If I had gone by her house, every week nite, I would have found  his car more times than I want to think a bought. Or maybe someone else s.  she had the two of us fooled. I was led to believe the break up was my fault, when I was just being played. This is purely speculation, and may not be in any way true. Fact  is , out of this whole story, I have no idea what the truth is.
  • In epilog, men and woman who are players, should tell you up front. And give you a chance to run like hell, know you are going to be used, and then dumped. Or require a doctors care. And know,  never to fall in love with a player. a player with an insatiable appetite for sex, and a vendetta toward men. because her husband lied, cheated, and dumped her. She lets you think your in a relation ship, then  she sabotages it, so she has an excuse to cheat on you, then dump you. She’s become, just like her ex-husband, and doing what  Her ex did to her, what she hates about him!
  • Her  heart is as cold as January ice.
  • I was looking for love, all I got was a Snow Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • If you like this story.  If you have been lied to, cheated on, used, and dumped. Tell your friends on face book. I will be most grateful.
  • I didn’t write this story out of malice, or to be vindictive. I wasn’t looking for revenge or sympathy. there are so many things wrong with this picture, I just thought the story needed to be told. You can make up your own mind .
  • If I’m wrong a bought her, I will owe an apology. If I’m right, and shes a player who lied to me and used me . Jan owes me an explanation.
  • Any time Jan accused me of hitting on woman, I told her I could never find a woman to cheat on her with. I also told Jan, if she broke up with me, I might never find another girl friend. It’s been over five weeks sense she cheated on me, and dumped me. No dates , no girl friends! Jan didn’t believe me. But I knew.

    It is now June 2014, a year and a half after she dumped me on Christmas eve. I feel guilty for writing this story. It would make a good movie, so I’m not going to erase it.
    It was a short bit of road between her house and mine. once and a while I go by her street, Near Monponsett. And the love I felt creeps back for a moment.
    There are times when I miss her, hate her, and times when I hope
    January drowns in lake Monponsett. I die when I see a Honda like
    she drove. I wonder if she is still with the guy from Maine. I hope he broke her heart. I have not seen or heard from her, sense I got dumped. She came from Washington county Vermont, to Vergennes
    city, to Castle New York, to Plymouth County Mass, Just to break my heart, and shatter my world. I have not found a new girl friend yet.
    I eat a lot of Vermont ice cream trying to get over her. When she finally stops cheating, she will be buried near Ben and Jerry’s.

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