Witches in a warehouse!!!!!

Witches in a warehouse, with nothing to do but cause trouble!!!!
I have the strangest things happen to me, If I wrote a book no one would believe me……
I’ve waited a long time to tell this story… In the middle of August, 2014, I was accused of harassing some woman in a ware house near where I work. If I get on stage with my guitar I want people to pay attention to me, if they make noise, that’s cool. When I go to lunch, I want to be left alone, I want it quiet!!!! I get mad if some one bothers me!!!! If I stayed at work at lunch, it would turn into the noisiest half hour of the day!!!! I found a quiet shady place out behind a building for lunch. No one bothered me….. On the way to my quiet place, I had to pass the ware house!!!! I never stopped there, I never went inside the building. I did not talk to anyone…. I do not know any one in the warehouse, or any body’s name. I did not know what they did in that building!!!! I would see people when I drove by, they were eating lunch, smoking their cigarettes. I hate cigarette smoke!!!!! Some of the woman I saw were old and ugly, others were alright, but too young for me. Needless to say, I never asked any woman there for a date!! Work made me sign a paper that I would not do lunch any where in the industrial park. You have no idea how mad I was!!!!!! Now I have to leave the park, and find another place for lunch. Every place I go, turns into grand central station, barking dogs, lawn mowers, carpenters, noise, noise, noise!!!!!!
I spent over a year thinking there were many woman accusing me of harassment, turns out, there was only one!!! I have been traumatized by this injustice, I am very unhappy, and wish I could quit work and get away from there!!!!! I’m afraid to talk to woman any where I go now. I’m afraid to ask any woman for a date!! I don’t even know which woman is my accuser!!! My boss did not believe me, that I did nothing. He believed the woman!!!!! I should amend that statement to say, that my boss had no choice but to believe the woman… Cause in the eyes of the law woman are always right, even when they are crying wolf…. I found that out with my crazy second wife, and her obsession with restraining orders…..  Who ever the woman is. I’m afraid to be in the industrial park!!!! There have been no more accusations, but I’m not holding my breath…… I hope she burns in hell….
So I am working on a song, Witches in a ware house, with nothing to do but cause trouble, they could have smoked their cigarettes, they could have rode their brooms, I’m glad I didn’t take that carpet ride, to my doom…. It’s a chorus, and a bridge with out any verses… I’ve been singing it at work, and have stuck in my bosses head… It must be good.
It’s too bad that having a vagina, gives woman the power to mess with a mans head, and totally screw up his life, woman are so wrong!! If woman knew how to love, instead of create havoc, the world would be better!!!! If making love is the secret to life, and the reason we are here, and alive, woman have totally missed the boat in the big picture!!!
I told you crazy things happen to me!!! And I hate it !!!!!! I have often said, that the most dangerous thing a man can do, is touch a female!!!!! The repercussions are too much to handle. People wonder why I keep them at a distance… I’ll never get married again, or never let a woman live with me… This old blind singer, guitarist, I knew once said, never have a woman in a band… There are too many problems….
In June 2016, on the way home from work, I had some inspiration for some verses to this story.. I took the new ideas, and the old notes I had scribbled down, and wrote the song..
Witches in a warehouse..
verse 1
Hell is coming to get me, from that industrial park..
There.s wicked evil woman, and their fingers give off sparks..
That dam warehouse, is a gateway to Hell..
I’m smack in the middle, of a mad vestal spell…
Witches in a warehouse, with nothing to do, nothing to do but cause trouble..
Witches in a warehouse, with nothing to do, nothing to do, but brew up trouble..
And persecute me..
Verse 2.
It’s a toxic drive to work, five days a week.
To an industrial park, a coven of female freaks.
They are fly by night, witch hell by day..
Send them back to Salem, make them go away..
Repeat refrain..
They could have smoked their cigarettes, they could have rode their brooms,
I didn’t take that carpet ride, to me doom….So why are they bothering me??
Verse 3
Now I understand why, they burned them at the stake..
The wrong place the wrong tine, that is my mistake..
It’s a toxic situation, I got caught in evils crack..
I don’t want the cauldron ride, I just want my life back..
Repeat refrain..
I don’t want their dirty laundry, they can’t rent my soul.
Send those dirty witches, back into the Devils hole…
Never piss off a song writer, you never know what hes going to write!!!!

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Story’s from the out house, Volume 4

Rated P.G. 13.
Story’s from the out house are random jokes and comments out of my imagination. no bashing is intended. This is the only outlet I have for my art work. Some of this material is R, X, or P.G. rated. This comedy is for guys over 13, and no females should read it. If females read this, I warned you!!!!!

What is the difference between Led Zeppelin, and a husband?
Led Zeppelin has a whole Lotta love, marriage leaves you dazed and confused, a husband can never get to the stairway to heaven, get a living loving maid instead of a wife. If Moby Dick ain’t happy, you sing a lemon song , and it’s been a long time sense I rock and rolled.

What doe’s a husband call the Police showing up at the door with a restraing order?
A Sting operation!!!! Husbands don’t get any fields of gold! He holds every breath he takes waiting for his wife to cheat on him again.

Vampire Revenue Service.     The band.
Debut c.d. Out for blood.
Second c.d. Nail in your coffin.
Third c.d. Steal your money.
Fourth c.d. Bleed you dry.
Fifth c.d. Sun lite is for working stiffs.
Sixth c.d. Can’t get out of hell.
Seventh c.d. Kill you one bite at a time.
Vampire Revenue Service, live in Washington D.C. Greatest hits.
C.D’s available on Corrupt Greedy records.
In concert, April 15th, in Washington D.C. Tickets, ten thousand dollars each.
Tickets available threw Don Scalper, and Dead country productions.
Web site, Vampire Revenue Service bites .com.

Wanted, Hurricane Employment.

Wanted, a tee shirt that says, Hey babe, make love to me, not your cell phone.
Save a broom, ride a Warlock!!!! Hayloft rodeo champion, free lessons.

If a famous coffee shop, merged with a famous restaurant chain, then I could go down to Dunkin Hooters, and get a tee shirt that says, America runs on Hooter’s !!!!!

Can you name the lost Johnny Cash song. A night in June.
What is a vampires favorite 50′s song? Twilight time!
What is Joan Jett, and Sherrie Curries favorite Katie Perry song? I kissed the girl and I like liked it. It’s a Runaway hit!!!!
It’s all about the booty, no treble. So ball me maybe??
Divorce douche, it cleans out your savings account, checking account, retirement account, leaves a man smelling broke!!!!!
Back seat biologist.
Professor at the John Homes school of love.
I suffer from repressed love life syndrome.
A wedding, It is a bad day for the groom, A good day for the bride riding a broom!
Jam clams, rock.
I have carpet tunnel syndrome.
I love the wenching  hour.
I got married to make love, I got a big black financial hole.
When woman start believing in sex, I’ll start believing in woman again!!!!!
My heart has more holes in it than the Bonnie and Clyde car !!!
Woman don’t know how to operate a man catching device.
Love was a good bad experience. Marriage was a lesson in what not to do again.
Cold beer, and Bare woman.
I remember when balled meant something special. Now it means I need to wear a hat!
Cherry twister, a sweet vortex.
The greatest invention, and the human beings first play thing, is the slip and slide. If a man is not careful a slip and slid, turns into a pink trapper keeper.
I have a lot of frequent broken heart flyer miles.
Men are wicked stupid, cause men are way to willing to play in a dirty cat box.
Pink washing machine, put a clean thing in, and it comes out dirty, from washing so many men’s things.
A woman has a man by the magic wand, but she won’t let a man near the magic rose.

Going to the movies isn’t as much fun as it was when I was younger. These days the only thing you will smell on my fingers is popcorn.
I have no sympathy for the creatures, but I understand how a great white shark feels. I got kicked off the beach for eating a life guard. She was gorgeous, and tasty!!!!! No crime in that!
I went to a long time friends house, and left a note with her son inviting her to go out for breakfast. She never called me. a month latter I found out she was mad at the invitation, and accused me of stalking her. She was telling people she is afraid of me!!! Man was I mad!!!!! I never stalk any one, I never ask a woman for a date twice!!! I had liked this woman for years, but never asked her for a date. I thought she was out of my league. Now I see that I’m too good for her, and she is out of her mind!!!!! I hate cigarettes, so I was giving her a handy cap. I won’t talk to her any more. It’s her lose!!!!

Sexy is when a girl/woman is being nice, not the fashions she is wearing. Sexy is when a guy doesn’t have to ask for love, sexy is when a woman offers, and volunteers, her love.

I had a dream!!!! Wives, work, bills, assassinated the dream.

I have an issue with a song. Girl in a country song, by Mattie mattress, and Tat ta Tay! The song has girls complaining about how girls dress, and blaming it on guys!!!! Wrong!!!!!!
Guys do not tell girls how to dress!!!!! If a chic is dressed like a slut, tramp, ho, hooker, guys are not to blame. Girls pick out and put on C.F.M. outfits all on their own. There are guys who wish girls would dress a little less slutty. They dress like a slut, but won’t make love to us guys. Oh I can’t do that!!!!!! False advertising !!!! Come on girls, get a clue!!!! The secret to life is making love as many times as you can in a day. It’s not money, or shopping, or a cell phone!!!!!! P.s., I do like the song, and the video is funny!!!!

I love country fairs. But fairs are wicked hard on the eyes. The universal fashion at a fair, is a tee shirt two sizes too small, and cow girl boots, and cut off shorts, three sizes too small!!!!! I can’t help but look!!!!! I think the reason girls have lost interest in sex, is their clothes are so tight, it cuts off the circulation to their most important parts!!!!!!!

Shes not my style of music, but I do think Charlie X.C.X. is hot!!!!!! I can’t figure out what the X.C.X. stands for. Now if it was Charlie X.X.X. that would be crystal clear. Every one knows what X.X.X.means!!!!! I wish Charlie, would be X.X.X. with me!!!!! I’d even bring the Pepsi. We could make beautiful X.X.X. music together!!!!!!!

Going to the movies is not as much fun as it was when I was younger. These days the only thing you’ll smell on my fingers is popcorn!!!!
Do you know what the difference is between olive oil, and a high school girl???? You will never find a 100 percent extra virgin high school girl.
I love pink Kryptonite!!! Even when it kills me……
I love a midnight ride in a pink Ferrari……
I love bumping into things that go pink in the night!!!!!!
Big business never thinks things threw! They eliminated my size underwear. Now I have to chose between too big, or too small!!!!!!
I’m just an interim boy friend… Use me for a while, then dump me for someone new, or go back to some one old.
I’m looking for a Halloween costume that will scare the hell out of people, and make them run away!!!! I’m at a choice between Roger Goodell, or Hillery Clinton………
She’s got me heart wired.. Shes hot like a stolen car, and fast driving away with my love!!!!
My girlfriend played post office too much for too long. Her package was getting too much mail. none of it was from me!!!!!
My family jewels, they haven’t been used much…..
It’s older cars, and younger woman. And enough money to afford bolth!!!!!!!

I’ve lost faith in mother nature, and father time keeps kicking me when I’m down!!!!
Old dogs and husbands, after a certain age, they stop trying to run away!!!!!
A question you will never hear from a woman. Doe’s this dress make me look horny????
Loving my wife was like trying to tap the north pole!!!!
My wild oats have been neglected for so long, my wild oats don’t care any more!!!!!
A fools heart keeps getting fooled…..
I love potty body’s…..
I was at a country fair, and they had Mumford and son’s port ta potty’s. I wonder if the band knows about this. I hope it isn’t a reflection on their music!!!!! I hope the band doesn’t take it personally.

I can prove that I am better than Santa Clause. Santa comes one night a year. I am available 365 nights a year, and I can deliver presents too!!!!
I have found new ways to spell an old word… Pu$$y. Pew$$y…. A fishy rose by any other name is still a pussy!!!!
I have a first girl rule, The first girl who wants to sleep with me wins…..

A man is like a model T, he is simple easy to operate, needs very little fuel. If you want to get a model T started, turn his crank. A man is always looking for a model A ride!!!!!
Age is a lethal thing, a man can look forward to milk duds, and malfunctioning cherry bombs….
My last girl friend told me she was divorced for the nine months she dated me…. Then her husband got out of prison. She told me she couldn’t divorce him cause he was in prison… She wouldn’t tell me she went back to him, and she wouldn’t dump me!!! She just left me hanging!!!!! She told me she could not kick him when he is down, He has no place to go……. I didn’t think any one could top getting dumped on Christmas Eve, for a guy from Maine!!!! See Dating Suck’s.. And Maine turnpike Romeo on you tube.
Plymouth County Court House, the best divorce song you ever heard, on you tube!!!!
More to come.

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Hot Pants

We recently recorded some videos with a cheap digital camera, but had not gotten around to posting some of them on the blog. Here is one of them. More to follow on other days. Perhaps some pictures, too.

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commitment! / Dear January.

A coward, A player, A loser, A cheater, A cad, A person with no integrity.
Will run away when things get tough. It takes real courage to make a commitment, and keep a commitment! Courage to over come the fear of commitment. It takes wisdom to see that somebody loves you, and wants to be beside you. When you are in love, you don’t run away when you have a fight or a problem. You stand firmly in place, and resolve to fix the it, or find a compromise.
never walk away, never jump into another relationship! you bring your faults with you. And doom your self to another failed relationship.
If you were cheated on, and dumped, do not let what that person did to you, break up every relationship you are ever in. Not everybody is like the one who hurt you.
And never leave some one who loves you, on the bloody side of a broken heart.
If I judged every woman I meet by my two ex wife’s, I’d never give any woman a chance.  The two wife’s couldn’t keep a commitment, or be faithful.
This is a slap at my ex girlfriend, who couldn’t make or keep a commitment.  She ran away at the first little problem, into the arms of a stranger/ player. She couldn’t see what she  had, was worth keeping!  Probably cause she was a player, I was the flavor of the fall, and not the only man in her life.
See dating suck’s! On this web site.

If you like this comment, tell your friends on face book. Thank  you .

Dear January Snow,
We had something special. Something you can’t buy. I was willing to change for you, you were not willing to meet me half way, or change for me.  It’s been more than three months sense the week end you brought a total stranger home for Christmas week end. Did you forget we had already made plans. Did you think it was cool to cheat on me. Did it give you a feeling of power to manipulate two men. You brought me coffee at noon time Saturday, and then went on a date with another man! you said you just met him on the computer. Or was he some one you knew from work. Had you been seeing him behind my back all along, two men at the same time! Christmas week, you finally got caught two timing me. Then you had to break up with one of us, why me? And why on Christmas Eve? Of all moments in the year!
When I met you, I asked you to go to a fair with me Labor day week end. You said I have company for the week end, Who was it ? Did you dump somebody for me? Or was he one of your little black book buddy’s, you could call any time. You waited till after you started sleeping with me, to tell me you had a boy friend in New York, you hadn’t broke up with, he had already gone back by Labor day weekend, or did he? You lied to me before we ever went on a date. An yet I trusted you. Even when you went on your out of town, out of sight business trips, or when we weren’t together. I never cheated on you!
If you had stayed around, we could have worked out our problems. There were no problems we couldn’t have fixed or compromised on. If you weren’t a player, who turned tail and ran, at the first sign of a problem,  we would still be together.  I say, that I was not the problem, it was you. I never gave up on us, I never quit on you. You quit on me, us!
I hope the new guy knows what he got him self into, I wish I could tell him. I wish I could tell him the whole story, my side of it.
Dear January, I’m sorry for my mistakes. I never would have deliberately done anything to make you mad, or make you leave. Now I wish I never met you. You could have skipped me, and gone directly to the man from Maine. I would have never gotten hurt.  Maybe there’s more to the cheating story you told me a bought your husband. Maybe it wasn’t all him. Maybe you cheated too. Maybe that’s why he left you.  I’ll never know the truth, you’ll never tell the truth.
I hate to say it, dating new woman, are making you look good! At least I could talk to you, other woman are not as easy to talk to.
You left me with hard to heal broken heart, I won’t forget you any time soon! I wouldn’t be so hurt if you made any effort, at all, to still be friends. I thought we were friends, I was wrong.
what you did was wrong!
It’s not far fetched to imagine you’ve been cheating on the boy friend in New York for years. He’s so far away he’d never know. You called me a nice fling. You were never a fling to me, this was the real thing too my eyes. How many flings came before me? This is a question you will never answer! I’ll find some one new, some day when your bridges are all burned, you’ll wish you had me back. Thank you January Snow, the name is a parody, and you are a parody, a cheating fable! I learned a lot from you, and it hurt a lot too!
I guess there is no good time, or good way too break up. Maybe this wouldn’t have hurt as much, If you had gone about it differently. The way you blew me off Christmas week end, when we had plans. The way you dumped me on Christmas Eve. the way you replaced me, before you broke up with me. But you did the same thing too the boy friend in New York. Who else have you done the same thing too? I would have taken you back, now I realize you’d stay for a while, and leave me again, for someone else. I can’t handle that. Better to take a chance on some one new. It seams all woman, lie, cheat, steal, use you, manipulate you, shut you off, dump you They hate men, hate sex, all they care a bought is, money, power, property, security, and control of everything. I can’t live like that.
If it seems like I’m making you look bad,  that’s not my intention. Even tho it was short lived, and ended very badly, you are the best thing that has happened to me for a long time! If I could find you, I can find somebody else. your stupidity will be another woman’s gain.

P.S. Dear January, all those phone calls you received in my presence, that you never answered.  You told me the calls were your son, and you would call him back later. It wasn’t hard to figure out those calls were from other men. When it really was your son, you would answer the phone. I’m not as stupid as you and my ex wife’s thought I was. I should have a burned by a player Insurance policy.

What do you get if you cross Benedict Arnold, with Mary Magdalene?   My ex girlfriend!

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Story’s from the outhouse, volume 3.

This is a random set of joke’s, anecdotes, observations, and commentaries, that may fall on the raunchy or less tasteful side. You have been warned!

Rated P.G. 13.
check out story’s, vol 1, and 2.

These short story’s are comedy, and should not be taken seriously. No Bashing is intended!
the use of the terms, wife, ex wife, girl friend, ex girlfriend, man from Maine, my boss, are for story’s telling. And do not imply a real person Inspired It. I’m not responsible for guilty persons!

I have been writing things down for over forty years. I have no audience, no publishing deal, no one to sell C.D.’s to even if I had the time and money to record one. This is my only outlet for my Imagination. These story’s don’t represent who I am as a person. Stefanie Meyers wrote books a bought Vampires, she is not a Vampire. Don’t judge me by my art!
If you don’t have any Imagination, or a sense of humor. If you don’t understand satire, don’t read this! I’m making fun of love, life, relationships, divorce, and how we complicate simple things.

If you like these jokes and story’s, tell your friends on face book.

If I had spent as many hours playing guitar, and making love, as I have fixing cars, I’d be very good at playing guitars, and very very happy!

I go to a restaurant, there will be all these pretty waitresses, and I’ll be like this is a great place, I,m  going to enjoy this  meal. The hostess seats me, and they give me a waiter! What a let down!

Females and certain sects of society, strive to make everything a bought sex, bad, wrong, dirty, illegal, immoral, perverted. They  make a guy  feel like a criminal if he like woman, and loves sex! BUT! If they are trying to sell something, cars , food, music, movies, etc. The first thing they do is put a female in a Bikini, or a mini skirt! The closer to dirty, the better things sell! talk a bought a contradiction in terms!

I looked up the video for the song American Beautiful.  The lady singing the song, is absolutely Beautiful in a black mini dress! I wish I could get a date with her! In the song there a line, She holds up her panties with a Bible belt. It’s a very clever line, as a writer I liked it, as a man, I thought, why in hell do girls want hold on to their panties so tightly, you can’t have any fun on a locked play ground. It’s an absolute SIN! the Bible has stopped more humans from making love, a normal natural thing. Than any other book in the history of man kind. It would seem the book, has burned man kind!

A high speed Internet phone, makes her the fastest cheater In town!

Please tell me what the magic word’s for woman are. I’m tired of the jerks, the A,hole’s, the men from Maine, getting all the woman.

Woman should come with a check engine light. So I would know when they need to be serviced!

I love shiny pink moon’s.

When my ex wife died, I told the kid’s she went to heaven. I lied!

Love is like an antique quill pen. It works best when you keep dipping it in the Ink!

I could never figure out why they call it being pussy whipped. Those guys who are being whipped, Are not getting any pussy!

With woman, the Impossibility’s are endless.

Snatchos, By Free toe lay! A favorite snack of guys.

A woman told me she hated men! I asked why? she said, men require too much attention! I told her, men don’t need attention, they need maintenance! I told her, give men, Oil changes, Lube jobs, and regular tune ups! they will purr like a kitten, and never give you any trouble!

Lets elope to a motel, we won’t need a preacher to spend the night, or a Lawyer to get out of it.

I’ll never get married again! But I’ll take as many honey moons as I can get!

Girls need a manual override button.

I can’t wait for Armageddon  to come. When there no one left to make Battery’s, Computers, or Cell phones, Men will be back in demand!

Men and woman, were not designed to be platonic.

Your fashion statement is making me extremely excited! So put more clothes on, or do something a bought it!

I have a female friend named Paige. she has two boy friends, who don’t know a bought each other. Is it safe to say, the two guys are on the same Paige?

God created man, the devil created woman. God and the devil got together, and created marriage, cause Hell was full!

A wise man once told me, if your wife, girl friend, or date won’t sleep with you, she’s sleeping with some one else!

When I was around thirteen, I went to a wedding. It was a second marriage  for the Bride and groom. For the groom, the band played back in the saddle again. for the bride, the band played, It don’t hurt any more! I might have been a kid, but I got the joke!

Truck pull, Horse pull, Ox pull, Tractor pull, the right handed marriage pull! the one you won’t find at a Fair, Ain’t fair.

Being single is like looking for a good used car, you won’t find one in cherry condition.

When I’m looking for a girl friend I need, girl fax.com. A girl history report.

The worst part of nursing a broken heart, is knowing she’s nursing every guy in town.

You’ve been out all night perfecting the art of cheating on me!

I’ve learned that I can count on, death, taxes, bills, broken cars, crocked politicians, work, traffic, and that woman will sleep with anybody but me!

I’ve learned that no woman, movie star, T.V. star, Pop star, Country star pretty, will ever go out with me!

She loved me once in a Blue Moon,   Beer!

If you are going to cheat on me, and divorce me. Please do it before we have kids, before I buy a new car, before I buy furniture, before I buy a new house!

I wrote a song, The Ballard of Linda Lovelace. I tried too get the song on the radio. They said it would be too hard to swallow!

Johnny Cash sang the wreck of old 97. Johnny Homes would have sung the wreck of old 69!

There’s a fine line between being a lady, and making a guy give up , cause he ain’t getting any where!

She was a honey moon harlot! She wasn’t going to stay for long, but It was good while it lasted!

My boss says, spare the lightning rod, and spoil the woman!
My boss also says, woman are allergic to the lightning rod! Boy is that the truth!

Identity theft, is what happens to a guy, when he  gets married!

She’s French and Indian giver, she  showed me what love is, then she took it away!

The hardest part of getting over some one, is knowing shes out running around. you miss her, but she ain’t missing you!

A woman will always dump you for a guy, who’s half the man you are, as long as he  makes twice the income.

Fishy fairy tales, never have a happy ending. You can never trust a fish.

I was in this bar where some friends had a pick up band , and were doing an open mike thing on Sunday nights. They would get me up to sing and play, some times they would put me on stage with guys I never met, or played with before. Fly by the seat of your pants, make mistakes, learn something new, it was fun. I made friends.
There was this chubby blond, half in the bag, bragging how she  took her husband over the coals in a divorce. After a while I got sick of listening to her. After all I got screwed twice in divorce court! I told the drunk blond, Lady! If you hadn’t forgotten how you got the kids, your using to extort money from your husband, you wouldn’t be divorced!   This is true for most couples, they forget what brought them together.

She’s Expensive, and Superficial!

I wish I was a bang wiz! Just once in my life, I’d like snap my fingers like Fonzie, and have woman fall at my feet. To be rich or famous enough to get any woman I want. Just once in my life!

I hate cheaters, they are wrong on every level! And the damage they do is beyond repair! They never think of that, or who they are hurting.  Fact is, cheaters don’t think at all! So when some thoughtless womanizing jerk, Or man from Maine traveling gigolo, is making love to your wife ,or girl friend. It’s like Scum, on dirty pond water!  Scum and dirty water ain’t fit for human consumption.

My ex girl friend, is a Professor of Cheating. I learned more a bought History from her, than I ever wanted to know.

Hey ex girl friend, shouldn’t you have let the sheets get cold, before you brought the next guy in?
Hey ex girl friend, shouldn’t you have broke up with me, before you ever dated, or slept with him?
Hey ex girl friend, shouldn’t you have looked before you leap, when you consummated your next fling!
Hey ex girl friend, do you think this is all funny,  and when you dumped me you thought, I wouldn’t feel a thing!

What make’s a John Deere Tractor great.
You can depend on a John Deere tractor. A John Deere tractor won’t let you down. You can ride a John Deere tractor any time you want, and not get in trouble for it! If your tractor breaks, you can get it fixed. If your tractor won’t work, you can sell it. You can look under the hood, and check out the engine, any time without getting thrown in jail. You can lock up your tractor for safe   keeping, and it won’t try to escape, or complain. A John Deere tractor is functional, low maintenance, and never complains a bought being used for what it was designed for.  A tractor Don’t smoke, drink, lie, cheat, steal, get jealous, spend money, do drugs, make demands, need a night out on the town, or nag!
you never have to worry a bought your buddy’s riding your John Deere tractor, when your not home!

I have to thank that Justin kid. thanks to him I can say, Beaver Fever in public, and not get in trouble for it!

No offense to Shakespeare,  But I’d like to rewrite the play, so that Juliette, { Aka January Snow. } lives.  And that awful internet Romeo, DIE’S!

She’s a hit and run player, she ran over me.
If she was a movie it would be entitled, cheater on the Hudson.

I need a love Genie, I’ll just snap my fingers, and she’ll let me in the bottle. Show me some Magic!

When I was a kid, my Uncle had a farm. I fell in love with It. I was a hayloft dreamer swinging from a rope in the barn.
He sold the farm before I was old enough to drive the tractor.
He sold it before I was old enough to know what the hayloft was really for! Rock and roll in the hay boys!

In the Movies, A guy meets a beautiful woman. The woman will actually go on a date with him. She falls in love with him. She willingly has sex with him. They live happily ever after, and she doesn’t  cheat on him.  This is so much better than real life! Wait a minute,  that’s right even the Movie is phony.

A guy I know was drinking with his girl friend New Years eve. she got all pissy  and started a fight. He didn’t hit her, but he smashed her cell phone, cause she was seeing another man too, and his phone no. was on caller I.D. He called the other guy and told him the chic is a two timer! Now she has a restraining  order against him. And he s going to court with nine charges against him. He wants to buy her a new cell phone, and drop the charges. She won’t drop them. He might go to jail. I got off easy, mine dumped me and I never saw her again!

Uncle Sam loves technology, Sam has a G.P.S. in everything, so he can find you. He loves bank, credit, debit, and store cards, he knows every dime your spending. Now uncle Sam is working on tax messaging.

If I’m ever stupid enough to get married again, and it don’t work out, there will be no cop’s, no restraining orders, no court,  no Lawyers, no Judge and no property battles! I want a Chappaquiddick divorce! It worked for Ted Kennedy.

She’s washing her Cheating sheets, but the sheets will never come clean! They will be stained by her treachery for ever!

It’s pathetic to see a piece of crap pick up truck, with a rocket science radio. If the tunes don’t sound good on a factory car radio,  your listening to the wrong kind of music!

I have too much of a con chance to be single. I couldn’t sleep with any ones wife, girl friend, fiance. I asked my boss what he thought of me dating a woman who’s twenty, or ten years older than me. My boss said, bang them all!

The term wife or girl friend, simply refers to the woman currently cheating on me.

My ex girl friend works for the Department Of Internet Affairs. She make’s big bucks. But she doe’s charity work. Just ask the happy guy’s she cheated on me with, and the looser she dumped  me for. At least they are happy!

My favorite bond movie is Diamonds are forever.  There have been a lot of great looking bond girls, I wish I was Agent, 0069, and could take advantage of being a guy! My favorite bond girl name is, Pussy Galore!  A name that describes a mans greatest fantasy. The dream that is never fulfilled.

She was spoiled, spoiled rotten. She is financially independent stupidity, Relationship near sited, And six figure ignorant!

She is wicked, deceptive, cruel, calculating, as Elphaba. And unfaithful, cold, unreliable as an Ice-najg! Your love has no effect on her, she will never stay with you.

I’d rather have Chicken baked, roasted, broiled, in the oven, than chocked!

Sexual power corrupts. And absolute sexual power corrupts absolutely! Ask any man, he’ll confirm this is true. Especially the men who are dumped, divorced, cant get a date.
Sexual power corrupts all Females.

Instant Bitch, just add Beauty!

I love that take out Mexican restaurant I can go there to eat out any time I want. It’s the one place I can get a Taco that isn’t trying to take my house, car, furniture, money, life!

I saw the movie, Silver Linings play book. In the movie, Bradly cooper is a husband who comes home to find another man banging his wife. { happens every day!}  He beats the crap out of the guy, and I would say he is justified!  So they arrest him, take him to court, put him in a mental institution for six months. When he gets out, he has restraining orders against him, and can’t do anything  a bought it, he can’t talk to his wife.
What should have happened,  They should have arrested the other man, who was dead wrong to be with some one Else’s wife. they should have arrested his wife for being a slutty cheater, and convicted her of adultery. The husband who was being cheated on. should have received a medal of honor for beating up the moron who was banging his wife, and putting a stop to an atrocity! If only the law worked the way it should, we would be better off.

I saw the witch movie, Beautiful Creatures. I thought it was good. The witch falls in love with a mortal, and he falls in love with her. This puts the two of them in danger. She blanks out all memory of his loving her to save his life. In the end he remembers every thing. Making the point, you do not get a choice who you are attracted to, or who you fall in love with. Once you are in love with some one, You will always be in love with that person. Fighting it, trying to forget, only makes it worse. I can hope that any woman I have been in love with, loved me to. And is condemned to think a bought me , for the rest of their lives!

Some jerk, some where, is getting January Galore! And I hope it tastes good, so he  will know the bitterness, when some day she’s gone!

To be, or not to be, that is the question.  I exist only to work. For all of my adult life, I lived to work, and have not enjoyed it. What I wanted never mattered. I worked to pay bills, to do chores, to support wives, and kids. I watched others get what they wanted, I was used , made other people money.  Love, affection, kindness, love making, truth, I got shortchanged. Now I’m old, and its to late. I can’t change anything. I can’t find love, that will stay.

I hate cars! I’ve had to work on them all my life, and have nothing to show for it. When I drive, cars are a blure, they are in my way, on my bumper, or cutting me off. I don’t pay much attention to what kind of car they are. Till now.  Try getting over an ex girl friend, when there are a million of those stupid little S.U.V’s. she drives! I can’t go any where without seeing them. Try following one all the way to work, and one the same color, oh my God! If I had a gun I’d stop loving her today! Just like the George Jones song! I can’t get away from them stupid things, It’s making me crazy! Curse the Jap cars! Curse ex girl friends!

Where do Alaskan lesbians go to drink? Klone Dike Bars!

I want to park my heart at the corner of sugar and spice.
I want to study the science of sugar and spice.
I want to dock my Rocket at the intersection of sugar and spice.
I want to donate my body to sugar and spice.
I want to live my whole life, to be buried in sugar and spice.

The Doom’s Date Machine!
The Doom’s Date machine wandered in from out side the New England Galaxy. It made a course toward the most densely populated part of the southern Mass solar system. The machines programing, to attack any man who gets within it’s spare of influence. To devourer men for sexual fuel, leaving in the machines wake, a path of destruction! Men in piles of rubble, broken and battered. The dooms date machine was last seen headed north toward Bangor, searching for more victims. And not even Captain Kirk can stop it!

Save a marriage, ride a husband.

I hate it when woman treat men like tampons, they use us a little, then throw us away!

I always pick the wrong person to fall in love with.

I’m surrounded by lottery machines. and can’t win.
I’m drowning in a sea of cows, and can’t get no milk!

2012, It was a loveless summer. Then I found January Snow, It was the love of my life at the start of September. The wonderful fling, that lasted till the first day of winter. The sudden breakup at Christmas, left nothing but cold for months. If I can make it to Spring, or find some body new, maybe I’ll be alright.

My boss says, I’m so up tight that I need therapy. And I totally agree! I haven’t had therapy sense, December 17 , 12. On Dec, 22. 12. My therapy started going  to some one else, Illegally of course! As of the moment, I haven’t found another woman to give me therapy. And that Suck’s!  Therapy, should be easier to get.

Trying to get a date is like a job interview. some people are not very good at interviews, and never get the job, I never get the date!

I wonder how many new boy friends she’s up to sense she dumped me. Maybe I should call the Guinness book of world records.

Love is a lot like Snow. You never know when it’s going to fall, how hard it’s going to fall. Love like snow is pretty when it first falls, but it turns ugly really fast.

Never be on the bloody side of a broken heart!

Pink plumbing contractor. 24 hour emergency service. Pipes cleaned, connections made. Drains unclogged.

A woman on a date, asked the guy if he liked the beach. He said yes, but I prefer to swim in fresh water. The woman countered, that she wants to walk on the beach, not swim. The woman said, that there are too many things In the ocean that want to eat you! The man said, your worried a bought things in the ocean that want to eat you, but your on a date with a guy!

Pretty wife’s and girl friends, will always run off with another guy!  So like the song says, never make a pretty woman your wife. Get an ugly wife or girl friend, no one will steal her.

I wish there was a build a bare woman work shop. I’d build perfect pretty date, with a happy ending!

I mentioned the University of Maine to my boss,  He said I know the place, It’s a bar. Every body graduates with a 4.0 blood alcohol level. I said yes I know, my ex girl friends flunky gigolo boy friend is the janitor there!

You know why relationships with woman don’t work? Cause woman are gold digger wise, and whoopee stingy! Extremely whoopee stingy!

Dearest Darling January Snow, drove a stake of Holly into my heart, on the day before the 2012 Noel! Not Darlene, not Scrooge, could have been so cruel, and heartless! To have taken away all the love, the hopes, the dreams, the life, the light, at Christmas, or any other day of the year. A Margi and a gift she is not.

You can’t scratch an itch threw blue denim jeans, sometimes you just  have to take them off, to get to the itch!!! A man who will scratch your itch is good to find.

When I was young and stupid, I wanted lots and lots of Pink Gold! I wanted so much Pink Gold I could drown in It! I wanted to mine all the beautiful Pink Gold I saw every where I went! I never got the Gold I wanted, and I paid dearly for It!
Now that I’m old and wise, I realize there’s no such thing as Pink Gold!  It’s Pink Kryptonite, and this Superman don’t want to die no more!

You can count on, Fed ex, The US Post office, Parcel post, U.P.S. You can count on, the Currier service, the bike messenger, E. mail, and the pizza delivery guy. But the U.S. Female, don’t deliver!

Whats the difference between a train tunnel, and a Vagina?
The train tunnel has a light at the end of it!
A train tunnel never complains a bought being a train tunnel.
A train tunnel doesn’t care a bought cars full of baggage.
A train tunnel doesn’t have a period to screw things up.
A train tunnel doesn’t care which end of the tunnel you drive the Locomotive into.
No man gets arrested for driving a big locomotive into a train tunnel!
A train tunnel doesn’t care how big or small the locomotive is,

When did all the lousy 80′s songs, that no one liked in the 80′s, become Oldies?

I love Italian wedding soup, even tho I hate weddings. They should make American divorce soup. It’s made up of bread, and water, with a bitter seasoning.  And the court will that that away from you too!

Loving a woman is Devil worship! That’s why they put you threw Hell!

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Storys from the out house! volume 2.

This is a random set of jokes, anecdotes, observations and commentaries, that may fall on the raunchy or less tasteful side. You have been warned!

Rated P.G. 13
Check out story’s, vol 1 and 3.

These short story’s  are comedy, and should not be taken seriously. No bashing is intended. The use of the terms wife,  ex wife, girl friend, ex girlfriend, man from Maine, my boss, are for story telling, and do not imply a real person inspired it. I’m not responsible for guilty persons.

I have been writing things down for forty years. I have no audience, no publishing deal, no one to sell C.D.s. too, even if I had the time and money record one. This is the only outlet I have for my Imagination. These story’s do not represent who I am as a person. Don’t judge me by my art. If you don’t have any imagination, or a sense of humor, or don’t understand satire, don’t read this! I’m making fun of love, life, relationships, divorce, and how we complicate the simple things in life, that should be free!
George Carlin told dirty story’s, in real life he was not a dirty old man.

If you like these story’s, tell your friends on face book.

What do Democrat’s, and  divorced men  have in common? They blame Bush, for every thing that went wrong!

How do you kill a whole country, with out firing a shot? Elect the wrong people. { they will blame Bush to. }

What do you get if you cross Benedict Arnold, with Mary Magdalene?   My ex girl friend!  { p.s. Benedict Arnold, was famous for being an American traitor, and Mary Magdalene, was the prostitute Jesus saved in the Bible. }

Never date a woman who needs a G.P.S. , to keep her lie’s, secrets, story’s, and ex boy friends straight. you’ll become one of her white lie’s, and secrets!

I’m looking for a new girl friend. But, I’ll settle for a rental.

My ex girl friend, works for the Department Of Internet Affairs. Call her for an appointment, She’ll squeeze you in! Internet Romeos are her specialty. Will travel for business support. Accommodations provided by, Motel 69.

I was a UNTIL boy friend. She used me Until she found  someone else, with more money, new car, better house, better job.

If it was as easy to get over her, as she is easy, for a jerk player to score on her. I would be over her along time ago!

Never ever date a woman, who’s past would make a hooker blush!

The Ultimate Kiss Of song. Suitable for use on any ex, who has done you wrong!  : It’s not you! : By Halestorm. Think Zeppelin, with a female singer. This song is great on many levels. It rock’s, with a pop sensibility, and It’s a great story, well written. I’d send it out to my ex, and her cheating heart. Check out, It’s not you, on you tube. Dedicate it to an ex!

On Star Trek, the mission was to boldly go where no man had been before. When dating A new woman, you boldly go where every man has been before!  she’s not going to tell you so.

WANTED! A home less woman living in her car. Who would be  so happy to have a nice guy in her life, and a place to live. She wouldn’t care what he looks like, how much money he makes, how new and what kind of car he drives, What he doe’s for work, where he lives! A home less woman, who’s not pampered or spoiled, won’t lie or cheat, complain, start fights, or run off with an other man!

Just once, it would be nice if all of the stuck up, pretty premadonnas, could no longer snap their fingers and get men! How cool it would be, if the too pretty for their own good, use to getting what ever they want, any time they want, woman couldn’t get a date, and could not get any sex at all. It’s always lady’s { I use the term lady figuratively! } choice. A male is at a woman’s mercy. I f just once it were men’s choice, and woman had to beg us for a date, or sex. Then they could see how it feels to live with out, then things would change, Maybe there would be equality, and sex for all!

If Bride’s came with a money back guarantee,  my two father in law’s, would owe me a fortune!

Woman wonder why men, drink, play pool, play golf, watch sports, follow NASCAR, ride Motor  cycles, play guitar, go fishing, go hunting, work on their four wheel drive pick up, hang out with the guys?  It’s easier than trying to get laid! And a lot more fun than nagging.

Make love, not divorce! Husbands need it too. Men need maintenance. If you don’t take care of your car, it won’t be there when you need it! Same thing a ply’s to a husband.

A woman’s Mod-us Operand i, Head mess, money take, and Vaggie keep away! If woman worked half as hard at loving us , as they do playing Vaggie keep away! We would all be happy!

What doe’s it mean when your girl friend is always accusing you of hitting on other woman? Shes cheating on you!

A phony Read head, makes for a phony girl friend.

I went from having a girl friend seven nights of the week, to I never existed, in one weekend. Cause of an internet predator, stranger from the back woods of Maine.

Beware of,  the Maine Turnpike  Romeo, he will steal you girl friend, put you in heart break that never end’s!  Fasten the seat belt, lock all the door’s, he’s gonna treat  her, like a little Whore. Hide the computer, don’t let the man in, cause he will be taking your girl friend for a spin. With a knife he will stab you, so deep in your back, Your never gonna get, your girlfriend back! He’s clever, like a back wood’s boy in the hood. When he’s done with your girl friend, she’ll be damaged good’s!  He cruse’s the Pike to wreck your world, drives half a work day to corrupt your girl. He comes on like Mad max, J. Homes, and McQueen, his conquests will ruin all of your dreams. He don’t care how much you love her , so just keep calm, He’s on the web, at I’ll bang your girl friend, dot com!  He cruse’s the turn pike, in a metallic gold Charger. With internet brag’s, of being much larger!  The Maine Turnpike Romeo, take aim, and shoot to kill! Or he’ll steal your girl friend, your Kiss and your thrill! The Maine Turnpike Romeo, he never pays a toll. He’s at the drive threw, looking to order my girlfriend too GO!

Humans should treat sex just like food. three meals a day, snacks, and desert! No waiting, no reservations, no arrests, and no problems!

Female’s hate the term friends with benefits, But isn’t that what a relationship or marriage is? Think a bought it!

I want a relationship, where the bills stop, the fights stop, disagreements stop, the chores  stop, the car repairs stop, the mortgage payments stop, home repairs stop, the nagging stops, working for a living stops, her cheating stops. And the making love, never stops. Cause the making love is always the first thing to stop!

If  my love life was like professional base ball, when I’m losing, and my players are out of commission. I could call up some replacement,  triple A lovers from Pawtucket.  I’d call up a woman, to cover first base, a woman to cover second base, one to cover third base,  and a hot blond pinch hitter, for the home run, at home plate! The girls on the farm team, sure know to sow wild oats!

Why are banana splits so great? They are wicked sweat. You can play with the boat. They are frozen, but you can still enjoy them. Their nuts, but don’t need a shrink. Nobody gets mad, if you eat the cherry. They are nice and sticky.  they taste good, you can lick them, and no one will care.  And no guy ever got arrested, for putting the banana in the boat!

Having a girl break up with you, is the meanest, cruelest, thing that can ever happen to a guy. When a girl breaks up with you, she already has a new guy to take your place. And she  has already test driven him! Girls can get a guy, any time, any place, with out trying! A guy can’t do that. he is at the mercy of females and could go years with out a date, or a girl friend! How is this fair?

There’s got to be more to woman, than make up, money,  and cheating.

Cooperation, is hooking up for the good of man kind.

Cooperation is, doing for your husband, or boy friend, with a smile, what you would do for, some drunk, druggy bum, degenerate, ugly jerk. That you just met at the bar, and don’t even know his name! Or the A- hole you met on line, who,s just playing you, and is  gonna dump you!

Once a pone a time when I was young, I hoped I would get lucky. Getting lucky is, Unexpected, and extremely rare co operation, on the part of a female. Now that I’m old,That’s all myth and legend. And at my age, getting lucky, is hoping I die in my sleep!

People don’t always like my humor. I tell them, George Carlin, did not get famous, for doing the seven most polite words you can say on T.V.

My boss said, did you know that Jesus fed a thousand men with one fish, and two buns. I replied really! So did Mary Magdalene!

I was in a convenience store, I was drooling over a Foxy actress on the cover of a magazine. I wish I could get a woman like that, I said to my friend. Those kind of hot babe’s never bother with me! My friend said, out in Hollywood there is a man, who is so tired of putting up with her crap, he would gladly give her to you, just to get rid of her! Well I never thought a bought it like that!

The one thing a man will never find on A Honey do list is, Honey! You Bee stupid, if you think your getting any of that!

I’ll give my first wife credit, she didn’t need a computer to cheat on me. She did it the old fashioned way!

My second wife, was half French, half Indian. She Loved fire water! But fire water brought out the absolute worst in her. I can tell you from experience, the whoopee, is not worth the war path!

My last relationship, she was half french. Never get involved with a woman with french blood. They will never be faithful! you can’t trust them to keep them away from, the bratwurst, the knockwurst, the salami, the pepperoni, and the baloney!

I’ve been burned by brunettes, I’ve been crucified by red heads! Next time I want a blond,  who’s smart enough to know a good man when she has one.

I hope my next girl friend dumps me for a man from New Hampshire.  I can’t take being dumped for an other man from Maine. It would be humiliating,  degrading, and depressing!

A stupid womanizing jerk sleeping with your wife, or girl friend, isn’t just plain wrong! It’s a Night mare! It’s a horror movie, and the movie should be titled, Bang -Gore! Rated R, for Repulsive!

Bad wife’s and girl friends, make good muse’s!

My girl friend broke up with me on Christmas Eve. She could have  waited till Valentines day!

Whats the difference between the St’ Valentine’s day massacre, and the Christmas Eve massacre? The Valentine’s day massacre, they used guns and thousands, of bullets to kill some guys.  The Christmas Eve massacre, my girl friend didn’t use a gun, or bullets to kill me. She just cheated on me, dumped me!

Hey stupid, your spending Valentine’s day with the wrong man!

When my girl friend broke up with me, She refused to take back all the thing’s she bought me. She took the only thing I wanted to keep. Her!

Talk a bought a twist of Irony! My ex girlfriend is moving way up to Harlot Maine, to live with her  back woods Deuce Bigalow.  Now she’s officially a Hillbilly Harlot!  He should decorate the bed room in his hunting shack with signs that say, Entering Harlot!

Hey  Honey, if you paint the out house Pink, man from Maine  might be able to find it! Good luck house breaking him!

The back woods  Deuce Bigalow, thinks the Internet is when your having sex with more than one girl friend!  My ex girl friend will love that!

I wonder if Harlot Maine is any where near Peyton Place. Because my ex girl friend and man from Maine, certainly are a Soap Opera!

I should have sprayed my girl friend with back woods hillbilly off. Then that hick out house Romeo pest, would have stayed off her.

Driving north on the pike, in an  S. R.V, is another way of saying she cheated on me. She love’s me, but he make’s more money, that’s why she’s giving him the honey.  She never told him she already had a boy friend, when he stayed over Christmas week end. She neglected to tell Maine boy a bought me, now every body knows she cheated on me.

Internet Philanderer, why did you steal my girl, There are lot’s of other girls for you out there in this world. You could have found girls in Portland, Bangor, or Water-ville. Cause all you really wanted was a cheap little thrill!
Internet Philanderer, why did you take what I had, with out a thought what you done might be bad. You could have gone back to your wife, picked up broads in a bar, Instead you drove to Massachusetts, to steal my girl friend in your car!

My boss says, there’s lots of fish in the sea! Yea, and they are all wearing chastity belts, love money,  have  bad attitudes, and are too good to give a guy a chance!

This toy is to big to hide in your dresser draw, and wonders what you ever wanted me for! This toy loved to come out to play, and did not want to be thrown away. This toy has feelings he laughs and he cry’s, and did not want you to say goodby! This toy doe’s not need battery’s, he gives love and affection, he doe’s not belong in your discarded toy fling collection! This toy really loved you, would have been your King, now I know you never felt a dam thing!  I wanted love, I wanted joy, I never wanted to be a player woman’s toy! I almost feel sorry for your new plaything, how will he feel when he finds out he’s nothing more than a fling!

I dated a woman who’s  in the  boy friend witness protection program. she doe’s not want  any evidence she ever dated you, so she can tell the next guy I’ve never done this before.

I’ve got a bad case of, Post Traumatic break up Syndrome! Please send a beautiful nurse, with special med’s!

A man in love is a fool, who would take a woman back, after she lied, cheated, stabbed him, and dumped him, for some jerk, who isn’t half the man he is! some day she’ll figure out what she had, and threw away.

Charlene,  Ursala,  Nicole,  Teressa,  Sally!  Ex girl friend’s you wouldn’t want too meet next Tuesday.

I never understood what the big deal is a bought virginity? A car works better after you break it in!

When Eve split the Adam, it was an atomic reaction!

Woman are strange creatures. They will tell you a bought a couple of relationships they’ve had, but they will never tell you a bought  their thousands of one nite stands.

Never date a woman from Vergennes city, there’s something in the water that makes them crazy!

Professor, the university of birds, and bees. tuition free, night classes enrolling now!

I love Pink Kryptonite, even when it kills me!

Marriage turned me into a loveless, fun less source of income. With no rights and no authority! I’ve determined I can be love less, fun less, broke, and live in a messy house all by my self!

I love ,Guitars, Chocolate, and Ice cream. They are easy to get, inexpensive, they don’t talk back, they never ever tell you no, they can’t fight, they can’t cheat on you,  and they don’t know how to dial 911! that’s why they are the perfect love substitute.                    I’ve never seen a guy get in trouble, for picking up a guitar bringing it home  and playing with It. I’ve never heard of a guy getting a restraining order  for eating Chocolate. I’ve never heard of any guy going to Jail, for licking an ice cream cone!

Why woman are so hard for men to understand. A woman is the only thing in a mans universe, where he has to start at the top, to get to the bottom! And he ain’t never getting to the bottom!

My two wife’s were good for one thing, and one thing only. Writing county songs! Hank Williams never had so much inspiration!

If they built the Titanic, like my wife, it would have never gone down!

The Ocean is a harsh and foreboding mistress. Sailing men fear her. But , she never complained when she swallowed the Titanic!

Three woman. The girl in school who started me writing, too good, too smart, too pretty, to popular! I never had a chance. Her  name, Holly. My first wife, the serial cheater. Her name, Noel. My second wife, the addict. Her name, Darlene. In the order I met them, by what their names mean,  It reads, Holy Christmas Darling! You could  date a thousand woman, and not do that again!

It’s been so long sense I’ve been to home plate, I’ve forgotten what if looks like!

Hey girls, what part of anatomically correct, don’t you understand!

Remember, Barbie dolls are no fun, if you can’t play with them!

Girls are totally anatomically correct when it comes to fashion, make up, face lifts, breast augmentation. But when it comes down to guy’s, the bottom line, the nitty gritty, the prof in the pudding, proving that you are a woman,  girl’s are just manikins!

I hate when I see girls and woman wearing clothes that say, Pink, I love Pink,  University of Pink! When a guy see’s the word Pink, he doesn’t think of a blouse,  a skirt, sox, ribbons, Rose’s! He thinks of one thing, and one thing only! He can’t help it! This a grossly unfair tease! Don’t display what you ain’t planing to give away. Do not advertise, what ain’t for sale!  And don’t start a fire, you ain’t planing to put out! Simple common sense.

Making love ain’t rocket science girls, don’t make it impossible for the rocket to get to the moon!

For a man, It is better to be single and celibate, with money in the bank, peace of mind and option’s. Than it is to be married and celibate,  with no money, no peace, no option’s, and have your woman  cheating on you!

Today I wanted to kill my boss. I almost did. It would have made his ex wife very happy, so I couldn’t kill him. To make an ex wife happy is a crime!

This being single suck’s! Every woman I meet is, too tall, too short. Too young, too old. Too fat, too ugly! Every woman I meet, has a girl friend, a boy friend, a husband! every woman I meet has a bad attitude, an allergy to sex, a drug or alcohol problem! Or have been burned so bad they won’t even try any more, or won’t give a guy a chance!

It’s been so long sense I’ve had a girl friend, or a tune up! Roseann Barr, Melissa McCarthy, Joan Rivers, Susan Boyle, Natalie Maine’s, Elisabeth Warren, Margret Hamilton, crazy Lindsey Lohan, are starting to look really good!

Being married, made me feel like I was sleeping next to the valley of the dead!

All my life the guys would pack their guns, ammo, bows, arrows, camping gear, in pick ups, campers, buses, and go up to Maine hunting. Always up north, never around here. This might sound crazy, but who ever heard of a man from Maine hunting dear in Massachusetts?  He didn’t have a permit, and he should have left my dear meat alone! The out house reject, should have stayed in Maine where he be longed, and no one would have got hurt!

I hope my next girl friend, will tell me up front that she is a player. That I’m just a fling, shes only gonna keep for three months. She will tell me shes never dated  any one else, I’m her first fling, even tho It’s a lie!  Oh, she still has an old boy friend she hasn’t broke up with yet, hasn’t slept with him in years.  She s only going to let me think I’m in a relationship. shes going to accuse me of hitting on other woman, when I’m not, cause shes a cheater, and feels guilty. I will know up front, she will be dating behind my back, because shes always on the hunt. But the rules are, I can’t see other woman. I’m aware ahead of time, every thing I do will be wrong, this will give her reasons to start fights, and be mad at me  all the time. And give her reasons to practice breaking up with me, she will pretend to come back. she will call me to tell me she didn’t like her date, so I won’t realize he’s following her home to spend the night. It’s OK for her to sleep with two men at the same time, but I can’t have two woman at the same time. I hope my next girl friend will warn me not to  fall in love with her, because shes going cheat on me, and dump me for some guy from Maine  on the next holiday weekend. Instead of spending it with me like we planed! I can’t be devastated, because I was for warned.  She will never have any feeling s for me, It will all be an act.   If my next girl friend tells me all this in advance, I won’t be surprised next time.  P.S. she should tell me that she has more miles and germs, on her, than an old Grey Hound bus, so I can protect my heart, and body!

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Nicole Frechette

Sometime in 2009, I was going to the Charlie Horse in West Bridgewater for country night.  The Boston country station, KLB, was doing a singing contest. I was going in there and getting up and singing. But an old guy who doesn’t sing so great was no match for a bunch of young women who are wicked hot. I never won.

There was a young woman named Nicole Frechette who was getting up and singing in the contest, and with the band that was there. I talked to her a bunch of times and thought she was a very good singer, as well as beautiful. I asked her if she had a phone number or e-mail address. She gave me her self-titled CD, which I thought was very nice. I listened to it, put it in my pile of CDs and promptly forgot about it. It was very good though.

Nicole, was driving around an hour and  a half, from southern Connecticut to sing. I wouldn’t drive that far for a gig.

I stopped going in the Charlie Horse for reasons of time, and I felt out of place, like a high school dance. There was nobody old enough to dance with, let alone date.

Labor Day weekend, 2012, I looked up the Woodstock Fair in Connecticut to see who was the entertainment. I’d already seen Chuck Wicks, and I had seen Easton Corbin, but Easton was a short set opening for The Band Perry and Brad Paisley. At the fair, he was the headliner, and a much better show. What caught my eye was that Nicole Frechette was the opening act, so I made sure I went and saw her show. I bought her new CD and a picture. I stood in line for autographs and when it was my turn, to my amazement, she remembered me, remembered where she’d met me, and remembered that she had given me her CD. We were holding up the line talking. She spent a lot of time with me. I gave her my card, and told her I was on YouTube and had a web site. She signed the picture and the CD. It was hard to believe that she remembered me, and I couldn’t imagine her being more beautiful than she was when I first met her.

On the way home, I listened to her new CD, entitled Listen Hear. This CD is very good. As good as anything on the radio. Better than the Kennedy wedding crasher. On the second CD the standout song is track 3: He Wants Me. This song is mind-blowingly good. there is nothing on the radio like it. Its better than fastest girl in town. { Sorry Miranda. } Followed by Heartbreak Overdrive, Honey They Lied, and Take The Pain. On her first album, Yeah Right, a song about denying you’re in love, is the standout, and Cross Against the Moon, followed by What You Think About That and Don’t Make Me Go Tonight. There’s not a bad song on either album. What’s really cool is I have the original first album. She’s still selling the same CD, but with an updated cover. I got to thank her for the CD and it was nice to know she remembered me. I always felt forgettable. I’d really like to see her make it and hear her all over the radio, and be able to say “I met her before she was famous.”  Good luck Nicole, knock ‘em dead!

If you like this review, check out Nicole’s two c.d.’s, and tell your friends on face book about Nicole, and my site.

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I’ll keep the kids!

This is rated, P.G. 13.

I’ve spent forty years working In a garage, Isolated from the public. surrounded by rude crude guys, dirty jokes, high jinx, and stupidity. Add two bad marriages, two divorces, and  a lot of hard knocks. Whats Inappropriate to you is normal to me. My comments on divorce, are blunt, and brutally honest. this is a warning. Expect the worst!

Saturday January 3, 13. I heard the new Montgomery – Gentry song, I’ll keep the kids.
I stopped what I was doing and clapped! This song makes a point that every man going threw a divorce has been trying to make for years, but had no voice, got no choice.
In the song, the wife has list of every thing she wants in the divorce. House, cars, furniture, jewelry, virtually every thing the guy has worked for all his life. And stupid Judges will most often give it to her! Not to mention the maxim new boy friend support allowed by flaw law. For cigarettes, drugs, booze, and partying!
In the song,  the warpath wife, forgot to put the kids on the list! This pretty much sums up the female divorce mentality. The husband calls her on the carpet. You can have every thing on the list, I’ll keep the kids.
A man going into divorce court, is a unimportant, invisible creature, with no rights. His only function is pay child support. After they strip him of every he owns! And leaves him homeless.
Custody, forget it! It takes an act of god for a man to get custody. His wife has to be a murderer, druggy, dead, for a guy to get a fair shot. She gets the house, he gets homeless and broke.
justice doesn’t exist!

Sex! forget it! My second wife  told me , if you touch me, your going to jail, sex ain’t part of marriage! And have you been to the bank, wheres my money! When I informed her that when she said I do, she agreed to never cheat on me. My wife said, its my body, I can do any thing I want with it! If you don’t like it, take me to court, they won’t do any thing to me.  They will give me everything!  With a woman, sometimes the whoopee,  ain’t worth the warpath!   Divorce is the screwing you get, for the loving you didn’t get!

The first wife was a serial cheater. But she was quiet about it. Till this one guy, { she was 31, he was 19. } tried to shoot me in my drive way. She bailed him out of jail. she couldn’t understand why I divorced her. She fought me for the kids, then dumped them at her mothers. Her mother raised them. They won’t talk to her.
The second wife liked to play with restraining orders. It made her powerful. If she started a fight, and it did not go her way, she would exercise control over me with a restraining order!   Once she had me at bay, the divorce signed and sealed,  she ignored the kids, in favor of her boy friend.
she died four months after the divorce was final. I owe her estate. I can’t afford to keep my own house, It’s falling apart I’ve no money to fix it.  And legally, can’t do anything a bought it. She had a free  female Lawyer, who was a see you next Tuesday, out to nail me to a cross! I went broke paying my Lawyer to fight her. My Lawyer was a female too. I lost my Ass, and came away feeling like I was ganged up on three against one.
I’ll keep the kids, resonates with all the married and divorced, men out there. Where marriage, and divorce are equally unfair.
I told my dad, I,d have to get laid, ten times a day, for two hundred and fifty years, to make up for the time, money and aggravation, woman have cost me. { this was a joke between father and so, not to be taken seriously. }

The worst part is, I can never get a date! Its impossible! And  making love, not in a woman’s agenda. A good relationship that lasts, never been in one. I’m always in a relationship by my self.      I get lied to, used, cheated on, I get to play financial tag, and I’m it.

Being married, is like your forced pay for a car you can’t own, can’t sell, can’t drive, you have to maintain it, but you can’t stop every Tom, Dick, and Harry from driving your car! I was  paying my wife, to neglect the kids, the house, and me,  keep me celibate, while I supplied her with the time, money, car, to cheat on me!

A friend, has the modern American marriage, he has a wife, kids, responsibility’s, his wife has a boy friend! He takes care of the kids, and can’t do anything a bought it. He can’t afford a divorce, he needs a sitter for the kids when he works, he’s trapped! the court protects her, and won’t help him.  A man  with a wife and kids, is in a trap he can’t get out of. It’s all cost and no rewards.  A man gets caught in a pink steel trap!  And can’t get out of the mess it causes.

I love Italian Wedding soup, I hate weddings. They should make an American divorce soup. Bread and water, with a bitter seasoning, served cold. But then the divorce Judge would take it away from you!

As a song writer, I know, if you can grab a listeners attention the first time they hear a song,  you have something.
My hats off to the song, I,ll keep the kids. For telling it like it is! For all the men who are powerless in marriage, powerless in divorce, powerless to get sex!
May this song go to no. one on the charts.  And still be played ten years from now.  Montgomery – Gentry,   thank you for this song!

If you like my comment, if you have been burned by marriage and divorce, tell your friends on face book a bought this site.

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Dating Sucks!

Dating Sucks, and It does not have to be that way.

This is the story of January Snow, and how she dumped me on December 24, 2012, for A  fly by night, man from Maine, traveling gigolo, just looking for an easy piece of ass, pit stop when he’s In Boston on a business trip.

  • This story is rated P.G. 13.
  • I have never written a story like this before.  My two wife’s gave me just cause too, but I’ll save that for someday. If I dated some new, I would not write a story a bought them. I’m not bashing here, and I didn’t make this story up. Something very wrong happened, I’m telling it like it is. Thank you, Gary.
  • I have never in my life been very good at getting girls. If I like one, and shes pretty, she will never have any thing to do with me. And sex, where girls are concerned, is a physical impossibility. Twelve years of school, for a guy who loved females, was a complete and total disappointment. When a teen boy can’t get action, life sucks!
  • The worst part is, the biggest jerks always get the girls.
  • I got my first wife by knocking up a friend’s sister. She needed a meal ticket, and I was a sucker. She became my serial cheater, and I her meal ticket, until one of her boyfriends tried to shoot me. She was 31, he was 19.
  • My second wife liked cigarettes, caffeine, alcohol, and cocaine more than she liked herself, me, or the kids. Getting sober meant cheating at AA, and divorce. I never found anyone to counter-cheat with.
  • The only girlfriend I could find after the divorce was not very good looking. I looked like the trophy boyfriend. We got along very well, she was more fun than my two wife’s.  She wanted to get married, I did not. In time, she broke up with me, thank God. There is so much more to these stories than I have time for right now.
  • This story is a little long, bare with me. I did not write this story  out of malice,  or to be vindictive. It was not conceived out of revenge, or to get sympathy. Nor am I trying to make  my subjects look bad. Except for some venting at the end, the events  chronicled are true. There is some conjecture on my part as to January Snows motives, and what the truth is.
  • For two and a half years I could not get a date. Girls enjoy shooting us down for sport, when they should be sporting guys some love. We would all be happier!
  • I had given up trying to get a date, or a girl friend, hitting on woman was just a waste of time. They are, too young, too old, or taken. Or told lies about their status. They don’t understand the concept, give a guy a chance!
  • On August 29, 2012. I was in the store. I started talking to myself about how hard it is to buy food for one person, I never finish anything. I was standing at the prepackaged cold cuts, when a woman walked up beside me. I started talking to her. We covered many subjects, including her divorce, and my two divorces. I had not been trying to hit on her, but I decided I should try. I gave her my card I use to get people to check out  my YouTube account.
  • A business card is the kiss of death, a girl will never call you. I told her, don’t let the card put you off, it’s just a come on, please call me. Her name is January Snow.
  • A week to the day we met, she called me. I was shocked! No woman ever calls me.  She said the reason she called me was, I said I never wanted to  get married again.  She said, that sounded good to her.  We talked on the phone several times and had our first date on Sept 9, 12.
  • We met for Breakfast. We talked for two hours in the restaurant, and two hours in the parking lot.  { Breakfast Sundays, would become  A ritual. }
  • On Wednesday, a second date. Friday, a movie. She Invited me home to spend the night. I was surprised and thrilled, this sort of thing, never happens to me!  Saturday, she stayed over my  house, the flurry’s of  love began too grow!
  • Looking back, this seemed way too easy for Jan, like she had done this a hundred times. It was way to easy, for me to o get this date, and moved to fast. January would tell me repeatedly that she is shy, and a prude.  She is not shy, when dating some one new, and handles new sleep overs like a pro!
  • More dates, more sleep overs. My life was good for a change!
  • on Sept 22 2012, I took her to a fair she had never been to. The big E.  We saw Jay Black, Kenny Vance, and the Tokens. A bad thunder storm approaching cut Jays show short.  She had a couple of beers at the fair, We had a fight on way home. I freaked out, my second wife would drink and want to fight in the car. She did not like me talking to strangers, telling jokes and stories, or giving out my business cards. I was telling an old guy from N.H. , the story of how the song,  fire in the hayloft came to be, Jan freaked out. I was a teenager, for God sakes!
  • And oh God, if I talked to a female, all hell came down on my head.
    Jan bought a cow girl hat at the fair. It looked good on her.
  • A note.  she hated  her ex husband,  Newton Snow  for cheating on  and leaving her. So, Jan became paranoid if I talked to females.  She  thought I was hitting on them.
  • I’m not a cheater, and I would not hit on anyone in Jan’s presence, had no reason to hit behind her back. We survived the fight.
  • The next red flag, came in the form of January telling me I haven’t been completely honest. I have a long term, long distance, boy friend named Tye, who lives in my house, in castle New York. Near the river to lake Champlain.
  • And they went to fox woods together in August, just before I met her. She said Tye complains I’m always mad at him.
  • I have been down here in mass for six years, and Tye won’t move down here to mass, and won’t let me move back there. I wanted to break up with him for a long time, but hes in my house and I don’t want any thing to happen to my things. She told me that she missed having a man in her life, and that I was the first time she had been unfaithful. { This is probably a gigantic lie!!!!!!! She  repeatedly emphasized, how much she loved sex! Would you believe she was in Massachusetts for six years, and didn’t cheat on a guy who lived five hours away?    }
  • January and I got closer, I fell in love with her, she started spending almost every night sleeping over my house. It was great, I had not felt like this for years.
  • January talked a bought  her younger son Neil, there was A problem with his car door. I offered to fix it, she wouldn’t bring it over. She didn’t want him to meet me. this was odd. They got a used door instead.
  • I love haunted house’s and after high school, two failed marriages, and two divorce’s, plus playing in a band. Not much scares me. January had never been to a haunted house.
  • On Sunday October 21, 12. I took Jan to witches woods, three  haunted houses, and a hay ride. Jan did not like it. She was easily scared, and never wants to go to one again. I was disappointed. I wanted so bad to have some one to go places , and do things with. At least I didn’t do anything she objected too, and I didn’t have to fight on the hour drive home.
  • January met my parents, and charmed them. they felt she was very good for me. Boy did she fool them!
  • On Friday October 26, 12. Tye came down too visit. She slept in the same bed with him, claims nothing happened, I bet that’s a lie. She claims she broke up with him on the 28th, and he left on Monday the 29th. { A note, castle New York is A  five and a half hour drive, from south eastern  mass. }  January said she never wanted to be in a long distance relationship again.  { Its ten minuets from my house to hers. Distance will come up again later. } I know if I was in bed with another woman, there would be hell to pay. I was just glad to get her back. She left the cow girl hat at my house so Tye wouldn’t see it.
  • I guess its different when a woman does it. If a man cheats, its adultery and a crime. If a woman cheats, it’s multi’tasking, and it’s alright.
  • I don’t think Jan broke up with him, least I don’t know for sure. she lied to me about him, never told him about me. January, cheated on Tye, with me, and possibly on me with Tye,  the week end  of Oct 26, 12.{ I will never know, but I see a trend developing. }
  • {  Dear Tye, in castle New York. For ” PETE’S ” sake, your being made a fool of, wake up! You have been lied to for years, while shes probably  been cheating on you, like her ex husband cheated on her. }
  • The worst part is I became her secret. Not only did Jan never tell Tye about me, she never introduced me to her younger son  Neil, who worked at the burger joint. When Neil  and Tye’s daughter asked If she broke up with Tye for some one else, Jan lied, and said there is on one else.
    This is the story she told me, could be another lie, I don’t know. Jan did not want her son putting me on face book, Tye would find out about me. Jan does not want Tye ,or her son too know about me. I wanted to show Jan off to every body.
  • In contrast, Jan’s older son West,  is the keeper of all her secrets, including me. { And all the men before me? } Also, Tye is almost old enough to be Jan Snows father.
  • Strange, Jan had the nerve to accuse me of hitting on twenty somethings, when I give out my card trying to sell my you tube songs. No twenty something is going to go out with me at fifty eight. But it was alright for her to be with an old guy.
  • Another unusual thing, January never took a single picture of any place we went, or of me, or of us together. I didn’t notice this till later in the relation ship.  Something else that was a red flag I didn’t see. When I was with Jan, her phone would ring, she would look at the screen, press a button, not take the call. She would say it was her son, and she’ll call him later. I believe I was not the only man in picture.   I wanted a relationship and some one I could go places, and do things with. Some one I could trust. This would prove to be a problem. I had stumbled into a players secret world, and I had become January’s newest secret, in a web of lies and deceit.
  • I took Jan to the cranberry festival,  and she got mad cause I talked to the D.J. and the woman from the country station. I wasn’t hitting on her either.  She was probably  mad because I Was talking to the girl in band to!  And I wasn’t ignoring Jan. It was her paranoia, her imagination, her mistrust.  I trusted her when we were apart, and when she went on long company trips. I wonder if she did the one nite stranger thing, when away from me. No honesty there.
  • She had never been too King Richards fair, I took her. Jan it seams can’t go any place with out getting mad at me. I wore a joke shirt I had made to see if any one got the riddle. She didn’t like the shirt. January wasn’t impressed with the fair. Rain forced us to seek shelter. I started talking to a early twenty something life long fair rat, about the fair,  and my daughter who works there. Next thing I know January is incredibly mad, and wanted to leave early. there was a big fight in the car.
  • Jan accused me of hitting on the twenty something girl. This girl was so pretty she would not have gone out with me if I was her age.
  • I live in an R rated , Adam Sandler movie world. My jokes and story’s are intended to be as close to inappropriate as I can get with out going over board. Jan is living in a 1962 Disney movie, and can’t handle the heat. Every thing is inappropriate to her. She ruined my day at the fair.
  • Next up, we went to a benefit, and January got bent out of shape cause I gave a woman who went to my high school my card.  I have a song about school on you tube,  I had  told her about. I never asked the woman for her name,  address, or phone no. , but I was hitting on her. I wasn’t. I wish I had now, she was hot .I was getting tired of explaining that I’m not hitting on any one, and have no reason too. I gave my card to men as well.
  • My two divorce’s, left me in big trouble. I  can’t afford to keep my own house, and I have nothing to retire on. I need A break as a writer.  that why the you tube videos.
  • Jan was like a sheltered child, and I tried, to show her the world.
  • January loves too go out for breakfast. On november, 4, 12. I brought her to a different restaurant, she had never been to before. The hostess liked my shirt, I was telling the hostess about some of my other shirts. I have one that says, marriage! not now I have a headache. The girl was in her early twenty’s and would, never date me. And I wasn’t hitting on her . I got hell for that. Please, I need Prozac to deal with this.
  • Every year the first Sunday in November, there is a train show I go to. January had never been to one. she was surprised by how many people were there, and how many model trains were available. Jan bought a couple of Box cars. Baby Ruth, and Gerber baby food.
  • There was an old guy selling miniature neon signs. One sign was for Clark candy bars. Jan loved it, but didn’t buy it. I would have, if I had the extra money. Sorry I can’t tell why she liked the sign. I managed to survive the train show with out being crucified.
  • We made it there most of November with out a problem. Jan was staying over almost  every night. It felt like we were A real couple, almost like we were married.  And I actually thought about it.
  • I love Christmas lights. One of my favorite places is Eda ville rail road. Seven million lights, twelve rides, a two and a half mile ride on a two foot gauge train. you have too see it to believe it. Christmas music playing every where. I had to bring January. She was cold, wouldn’t go on the rides, she liked the train ride cause the cars had heat. I go there three or four times each Christmas.  Jan said she wouldn’t go there again. I was disappointed. I did not do any thing to make her mad that night. I have been taking my brother  and his kids to Eda ville, for four years.  The kids love it. He loves to take pictures. When he tried to take pictures of Jan and my self together,  Jan turned away every time.
  • At this point January had a monopoly on all my spare time. I was in love with her and didn’t mind. I love to go to the movies, and couldn’t git there. Seams the only time Jan gos to the movies, is when shes dating someone new. Funny, she named movies she had seen at the theater, before she met me.  That leaves me to wonder who she went to those movies with? We were not new, any more, and Jan wouldn’t go with me.
  • It has occurred to me,  the possibility  I was not the first time January cheated on Tye.   And If  Tye  moved down here,  or Jan back to castle, she wouldn’t be able to date around. Later, at the end, Jan would refer to me as a fling. I’m wondering, how many flings, came before me.
  • I bought Jan a nice Christmas card, To my sweet heart, with love. I bet she threw it out, because it was evidence of me. remember I’m a secret!
  • Jan liked to spend money. she bought me, sheets, pillow cases, a comforter, welcome mat, bath mat, towels, hiking boots, a coat, food, the tab in a restaurant. January wanted to buy me a flat screen T.V. I would not let her.  I started to feel like A Gigolo. { At the end, she wouldn’t take anything back. }
  • I thought she was perfect for me. Close to my age, pretty, kids grown up, her own house, car, money, a Vermont farm girl, good values, smart, but not the I’m too good to need a man woman I usually meet. Honest, and in love with me. Jan doesn’t smoke, do drugs, never drinks more than two beers. perfect!
  • Thanks giving eve,  I stayed over her house, it was only the second time. Jan said she felt funny about having me over night, if her secret keeping son  west, was there. I stayed till twelve noon, she watched the parade with me. guess I had to leave before her younger son Neil,  came over.  She had to hide me, her secret!
  • A fortress full of minuet men couldn’t protect me from what was to come.
  • January spent the rest of the week end at my house. Sunday, November 25, 12 . I had some thing special planed. It would turn into a day I will regret, for the rest of my life!
  • There is a country themed restaurant that is hard to get into, I planed to be there before it opened. We were the first customers. Lunch went well, January liked  the place,  and the food. I got in trouble for talking to the guy clearing the tables about music.  I gave him my card. On the way out, I recommended some new country singers too the Waite staff, cause they liked country. They were females. All too young for me, I was being nice, not hitting on them.  The accusation, came anyways.
  • In the 1960′s, there was an enchanted village, at Christmas time,  in Jordan Marsh in Boston. It’s now in Jordan’s furniture in Avon mass. It’s been restored. I love it. January had never seen it, so I had to bring her there. We waited in line  for an hour. I stated talking too the guy behind me . he had three young children, and also played Guitar. I gave him my card. { I would later get accused  of hitting on his wife . I did not! }  we finally got  to the Village.  They take your picture before you go in. Jan and I posed.
  • I’m always thrilled to see the Village. I’ll go three times each Christmas.  January was Luke  warm  towards it. The store also has A Christmas lazer lite show, one of the songs is Wizards in winter, by T.S.O. Her favorite song, from Xmas lite’s gone wild.
  • When we were in line for tickets, there was A young woman behind us with an eight year old boy. She was very upset  that the  movie ride was sold out for hours in advance, and it  took her forty five  minuets to get there.  I bought tickets, Jan and I went to the lite show.  Jan actually  liked the lite show.  thank god! I wanted to buy the picture they took of us, Jan wouldn’t let me.
  • Again, no evidence I ever existed!
  • They make you pass threw the furniture displays to get back to entrance. Jan bought A half dozen muffins and coffee. what happened next, was me being A nice guy and, absolutely nothing more.
  • While Jan was fixing her coffee, the young woman who had been in line behind us for tickets, passed by. I had kids, and experienced  their disappointment. I asked the woman, { the girl in the green dress, as she would become known as. } if she had made it on the movie ride. she said no. I told her to come back after Christmas, there will be no line. And take your son to Eda ville rail road, and La Salette  shrine for the Christmas lights.  I asked were she lived as A point of reference. I said  that’s  not that far, I drive  that  far to work every day.
  • The girl in the green dress, was too young for me, I never asked for her name, address, or phone no.  I never gave her my card! And I never saw her again. I saw A woman with A child and tried to be helpful, nothing else.
  • Jan was there, I did nothing  behind her back. I did nothing that could be mistaken for hitting on, or cheating. Nothing I’m ashamed of, or needed to apologize for. My act of kindness, turned into my dooms day.
  • The ride home was horrible.  I was trapped in the car with A monster, and couldn’t escape. January insisted that I had hit on the guys wife, and that I had hit on the girl in the green dress. Now I wish I had, maybe she would appreciate me. The fight went on all night, Jan would not listen to reason.
  • I was so mad, that when we went to bed, I would not hug her, kiss her, touch her. I wouldn’t kiss her in the morning.  That was a mistake.
  • When I got home, Monday night, I waited to call Jan. She informed me she wasn’t coming over, but she had left her pillow at my house. I needed to go to the store, and snidely, asked, is there any thing else you want back! Well, now that you mention it. I said, are you breaking up with me? Jan said , well I was going to wait till Wednesday to tell you. I said you can  get it over with now!  When I dropped off her pillow,  she said, I can’t handle that thing you do,  talking to other people, and I replied, I can’t have you freaking out every time I take you some where for no good reason.
  • Jan said we can still be friends, and that I could call any time.  We talked on Wednesday night, I apologized for being so mad Sunday and Monday morn, and  could explain every incident she brought up. and why I did and said what I did. And Jan admitted, I had not  done anything  wrong.  The wedge was already in place.
  • We talked on Thursday, I told her she could  come over any time  she wanted to. Friday, Jan left A message that she wanted to come over Sunday
  • December 2, 12. I thought  she was coming to pick up her things she had left here. I had bought the third T.S.O. c.d., so I bought  A stocking and candy, and made her A Christmas stocking, and gave it to her. No one had given her a Xmas stocking sense she was eight. I took two pictures of Jan! The only pictures I ever got of her.
  • Next thing I know, Jan was back in my bed. We talked every night on the phone, Jan told me she was going to see what was out there. I did not take it seriously. She was already home with me and didn’t need any body else. I thought she could see that. We talked on the phone every night. Jan did not sleep over during the week anymore, I would find out why later.
  • Jan came over the next weekend too,  I  thought we would be alright.
  • Sunday Dec, 9, 12. I brought her to La Salette shrine, Jan had never been there, and liked it. They add more lights each year. On that way home, we stopped at Taunton green, it always has A nice display.  Then came back to my house.
  • I was trying to change for her, and did not do anything to make her mad at me. there was hope. We talked by phone every night. I made it clear to Jan, I would change, but she would have to meet me half way. she had to change also. We could have made it work.
  • On Saturday, Dec 15, 12,  she brought me coffee. Saturdays she would baby sit her grand son, Sparky.  Jan had been bringing  Sparky to my house to play in my back yard all fall. I have swings that are sixteen feet from the ground, a See Saw, a tire swing, Twelve feet, and a eighteen foot long play ground slide from a drive in.
  • Later Saturday,  January came to my friends Christmas party, with her grand son. we had A good time. the kid rolled on the floor, and she had to wash his cloths.  People at the party commented on how much she seamed to be in love  with me, and how happy we looked together. I made  a point of staying by Jan’s side, the whole time she was at the party. I avoided talking to anybody, if I could. I wanted to show her I could do this for her. I was trying to change for her, but she had to change too, meet me half way. that wouldn’t happen.
  • When the boys mother picked him up, Jan came over, and spent the night. We went to breakfast Sunday morning, and she stayed over Sunday night. We were back to normal.
  • January went shopping Monday night, Dec 17, 12,  I went to a movie, she would not go to see with me.  Remember, Jan dose not like to go to the movies, unless she’s dating some one new. But Jan met me at the mall at 8:30. we had pizza, and talked. January went to Macy’s, I went to Yankee candle. There was A candle she picked out  of the catalog, whiskers on kittens.  I bought it for her. I was looking for A Johny  Rivers c.d. for Jan, with the song Summer rain on it. I could not find it. And I didn’t get into any trouble, I didn’t make her mad.  I thought things  were looking good and we would be alright.
  • We went back to my house, Jan spent the night. I could not have known it would be the last time. I woke up with A cold  A week till Christmas. Just my luck.
  • That was Tuesday Dec, 18, 12. We talked that night, but she wouldn’t come over, cause she didn’t want to get sick.   A note. Jan is going for Surgery next year, 2013, that will make her so sexy, she will be able to get a  new boy friend every week end, L.O.L.   She would be four to six weeks of recovery. No Sex at all.  { what guy is going to be faithful for that long!   I hope he isn’t. } The procedure  won’t be for me and I won’t get to see it. This will make sense, soon.  I loved Jan and thought she was perfect the way she is, I couldn’t see why this was so important.  Was it ego, self esteem, insecurity.  Or to be a more desirable player, to get men easier.
  • January gave me A pretty  Christmas card, that says, there is no one else like you. I took this card to mean that January  really loved me. And I had nothing to worry about.
  • Some thing else that happened, when Jan broke up with me Nov 26, 12, her secret keeping son West,  put her on A dating website.  That’s the story she told me. Guys on those sites are desprite,  hunters, predators,  or treat woman like used cars, every woman is different, and these men are trying to see how many they can test drive.  Its a  game and I’m not like that.  When January told me about the website, I thought it was a  joke. She was sleeping with me. I figured she  might window shop, realize  these guys are womanizing losers, that she wouldn’t want, and that I was a long term sure thing, and I had nothing to worry about. Jan dated behind my back, like A sneak. During the week. I wonder how many dates she didn’t tell me a bought, and how many of them got lucky? If any.
  • Funny she would tell me about some of them.  There were losers, old guys looking for A replacement wife, younger men looking for A mommy for their kids. Jan said these guys are making you look real good. So I wasn’t worried.
  • On Wednesday night Dec, 19, 12. I called January,  left A message. She called me back, said she was on a date, and didn’t like the guy. All he did was talk a bought his wife and the divorce he was going through. They had been to dinner, and she was driving to the movies in Foxboro. January  called me after the movie, and talked to me all the way home. she saw Argo, A movie she would not go see with me. Remember, Jan doesn’t like to go to the movies, unless shes dating some one new.   She told me the guy talked threw the whole movie, and she didn’t like him.  Remember,  she didn’t like him!  January thought it was funny, that this guys night mare wife is named Holly. I have a Holly I wish I never met, from my teens. From the story he told her over dinner, Jan  said this Holly sounded just like my second wife, crazy! I ask you, what kind of a woman sneaks dates behind your back, then tells you a bought them? This makes no sense!
  • We talked on Thursday night, Friday night, I still had A cold, or she would have come over. Dec 21, 12 was my birthday, and the world didn’t end.
  • Jan and I had plans for the weekend. She was to come over Sat night. and we were going to A movie Sunday night, and stay over.  Out for breakfast Monday morning, and spend Christ mas eve together. I was going to make breakfast Christmas morning. We had already talked about New Years eve.
  • I talked to Jan Saturday morning, she brought me coffee, around 12:15.  She  asked me to check  the air in her tires. Jan had A strange look on her face, like some one forced  to, or a bought to, make A bad decision, or torn by what to do.
  • I called Jan around 3:00, with regard to Saturday night. { She was excited cause she didn’t have to baby sit her grand son Sparky,  that Saturday. }  For the first time ever, Jan got mad  at me on the phone she yelled I’m doing my hair!  Why is she doing her hair! A  feeling of dread came over me. I called her around 4″30, To apologize, and Jan Got mad at me again. I can’t talk I’m on A date, and I’m trying to find the place. You can imagine how I felt, we had plans. Where did this date come from? Suddenly I was scared, afraid of where the date was going. I said in panic, I’m trying to keep you, your husband never tried as hard as I am to keep you! Jan replied, I know! My plea didn’t make any difference.
  • she never called me back that night. She knew she was going on the date, when she brought me coffee. Want A sneak! I went by her  house around A  11″30, and there was a strange car in the yard, no lights on. The car was a gold Mopar, parked on the lawn, I didn’t see the no. plate.
  • I couldn’t sleep all night. Jan went on a date, Wed Dec 19,  the day after she slept with me,  And brought A stranger home for the night, Sat Dec, 22.  five days after being with me.
  • I had to go to break fast Sunday morning, with family. I didn’t really  enjoy it. when I got home, I left Jan a message. she didn’t call back. I left three more messages, spread out between after noon and evening. I went to the movie by my self.
  • Around,  11″00 Sunday night, I went by her  house, and the strange  car was still in the yard. Another night I couldn’t sleep!
  • At 11:03,   Monday morning, Christmas eve, January called to tell me she was breaking up with me for,  A  fly by night, man from Maine, traveling gigolo, Who was just looking for an easy piece of ass, pit stop, when he comes down to Boston on a business trip! And she gave it to him!  On the second date!  A total stranger!  The womanizer from hell! She should have seen him coming! He lives  four hours drive north of here.  { maybe this is A lie too, the from Maine part.  Or the distance is shorter than she told me.} I remember something about no more long distance relation ships!  It gets worse, hes the guy she didn’t like from Wednesday night.
  • Why is A guy who lives three and A half hours north of Boston, looking for A woman down here. If he can’t find A date up in Maine, there must be some thing wrong  with him. And with all the woman in the world, why my girl friend? I bet hes just playing her, and he has a girl friend in Maine. He must have got her drunk, and she got stupid. They ruined my week end, and Christmas.
  • The world didn’t  end  on 12, 21, 12.      But my world ended  on Dec, 24 ,12.    Thanks Too a woman who played me till I was all played out ! And a thoughtless philander from Maine, who should have found A slut or two in his own back yard. January told me, shes the  Queen of the quickie, { could imply she’s not  Innocent she claims to be . }  she should have said shes the Queen of the lies.  She lied to Tye,  she lied to her younger son Neil,  she lied to me.  she never told Tye , or Neil  about me.
  • she  never told man from Maine about me, or that she was with  me the week end before. five days before! she lied to him before she ever went on A date with him. he got, what he wanted at my expense,  and  rushed back to his other girl friend with out spending Christmas eve with her . I cant wait for him to dump her. All the accusations, thrown at me, Jan turned out to be the cheater! She is the one who couldn’t be trusted.  It was as if she let her ex husband break us up, out of paranoia. Cheat on me, break up with me, before I could break up with her! she had the nerve to say I was a nice fling! This was never a fling to me, it was love!
  • she owes me an apology, not I’m sorry, but Gary , I love you.  Jan should look in the mirror and say, I’m in love with Gary, but sleeping with a stranger from Maine.
  • What is wrong with this picture. I never did anything, that would constitute being cheated on, or being dumped like this, or the fights.  No legitimate reason!  Cruelty is not dead, it comes from your girl friend on Christmas Eve! It comes from being cheated on, then dumped!  Its possible I have discovered January  has A Mod-us  Operand i, in regards to men.  I just became the newest victim!
  • There are two famous Quotes, the pen, is mightier  than the sword. And, I fear we have awakened A sleeping  Giant!  And I’m awake! And I’m mad!
  • I had to insist that Jan came over my house, to get her Christmas presents. I wanted her to face me!  I didn’t spend much, the Yankee Candle, she picked out. The first, and second T.S.O. Cd’s, A box of ribbon candy, some soap, and mix of lose candy I knew she likes. She seamed really pleased about what I gave her. For a moment, she was still mine.
  • I warned her about bringing strangers home, and being safe and careful. { maybe I should be warning the strangers about Jan! }  I asked if she told man from Maine a bought me, she said no. Are you going to tell Tye and Neil  about man from Maine, she said no. I asked why? Jan said too many questions. { This story was born on November 29. That is why I asked those Questions. } There is A pattern.  I  pointedly, asked January, you keep telling you like me. she replied,  I do do like you. I said,  when I look at your  face, I can tell you love me. Why have you never said it to me? Her reply, its not in my nature to say it. Such A strange  way to admit  the truth.  If you love me,why are we breaking up? Why are you sleeping with some one else. Our problems  are minor compared to most couples.  there was nothing so bad we couldn’t work it out. people look for love and never find it, we have it! Jan gave up on us with out trying! I never gave up on Jan, or us.
  • I was crying most of the time January was in my kitchen. She was trying to show no emotion. The look on her face was ,  ” I made A big miss take, but its to late to turn back now”!  If you never do some thing stupid, you never have  to turn back! Or regret.
  • Jan told me, no one before me had ever, hugged her, kissed her, fawned over her, before me. {probably  A lie! }  Jan said, man from Maine does, he’s just like you.  you dumped me for A man who’s just like me!  But lives four hours away? I asked what are you going to do, if he has an other girl friend in Maine? Her reply,  I’ll take my chances.  she would never put up with that from me!
  • January  even lies to her self!  Shes lying to her self! This almost makes sense.  Jan can’t say shes sorry, can’t say I  love you, and she can’t cry! And can’t be honest with her self, or a boy friend.  Jan is so insecure, she can’t  believe any man could  actually love her, and stay by her side. Jan is so afraid of commitment, she can’t make one, and runs, if a man wants one. Man from Maine will never give her a commitment, and she is not in love with him, so its safe.
  • I  told January, If the man from Maine dumps you, I’ll take you back. And  I meant it! But only if your going to stay for good this time! No dating, no cheating behind my back. Taking Jan back would be a mistake. she proved I can’t trust her, she would do the same thing all over again, and dump me again!  Jan would never  go back to the same fling twice.  Even if shes in love with me.
  • I never would have done to her, what she did to me Christmas week end. I,  never in good con-chance, could ever! break up with anyone on Christmas Eve
  • I stood on the steps, totally in tears, and watched as Jan backed out of my driveway. Jan never took her eyes of me till her car was out of site! Jan left me,  A man she is in love with, for A man she isn’t in love with.  Jan left A man who loves her more than she will ever know. For A traveling sales man player, who will never love her Or hang around for long.
  • We had four months, To know we can get along. but January said that, her and the fly by night  romeo had more in common with her, on the basis of two dates, and A weekend of shacking  up, and they liked computers.  There  will always be four hours of distance between Jan and man from Maine, even when they are together.  It’s  a  matter of time before he  gets tired of driving four hours each way, to spend less than two days together,  and five days apart. Or she gets mad at him, like she did to Tye and me.  Somebody will get dumped!
  • January sold me the sweet and innocence story, and I believed it. I’m a fool! I kept asking Jan, where did learn to kiss so good? She said I don’t know. Well it wasn’t from sitting home watching T.V. !  Must have been flings!
  • And so much for still being friends! a B.S. line . She said I changed her life, another break up line.  And I can’t sleep with two men at the same time. More lies!
  • I’m so mad at man from Maine for stealing my girl! I,m mad at my self for not doing more to make her stay! In the end it’s January’s fault! She knew what she was doing, the first time she invited me home. she knew what was doing when she dated behind my back, and didn’t tell  them a bought me. she knew what she was doing when she brought man from Maine home. To not tell us we are being played, and are just flings is a crime. I can’t blame  man from Maine.
  • No matter what Jan does,  I will  always be in the back of her mind!
  • The flurry’s of love  turned into A storm, I wish I could have avoided.  You cant control who  you are attracted to, or who you fall in love with. And you can’t count on the other person to do the right thing!!! You can’t count on them to be faithful.
  • My story has turned into a novel, from a break up expos a. I thought I was done writing.
  • Detectives  solve crimes by letting clues manifest in to solutions. there is a lot of speculation on my part, I don’t know what the truth is.
  • This is a theory. I speculate that man from Maine, lives in Maine, but works in Boston area, or is in the Boston area a lot during the week. stays in the area at night,  And gos back to Maine on the weekend. I further speculate, that Jan met him back in November on the web,  And may have been seeing him the week nights she didn’t sleep over my house, maybe before the Nov, fight. she may have broke up with me Nov 26, 12. to be able to spend more time with him, by breaking up with me, and blaming me for it. I couldn’t know she slept with him during the week, he would never know she slept with me on the week end. her cake and eat it too! Until, Christmas  week end.  Man from Maine wanted to spend the week end with Jan, she couldn’t do it with out me finding out a bought him. It put her in a catch 22. She couldn’t break up with him with out answering a lot of questions. She was forced to brake up with me, and ruined the cushy set up she had going. there was a change in some thing in our  sexual  relationship that should have tipped me off she was sleeping with some one else to. I missed it. Wednesday Dec, 19, 12, when she called me from the date, it was a smoke screen! If she told me she didn’t like  the guy, I wouldn’t suspect anything was going on. When January called me, and talked to me all the way home from Foxboro,I was giving her directions. when she got almost home, she suddenly said, I’ve got to go, and never called me back. the whole time we talked during her drive home, man from Maine was following her! If I had gone by Jan’s house Wed, Dec 19, 12. I would have found his car in her yard. If I had gone by her house, every week nite, I would have found  his car more times than I want to think a bought. Or maybe someone else s.  she had the two of us fooled. I was led to believe the break up was my fault, when I was just being played. This is purely speculation, and may not be in any way true. Fact  is , out of this whole story, I have no idea what the truth is.
  • In epilog, men and woman who are players, should tell you up front. And give you a chance to run like hell, know you are going to be used, and then dumped. Or require a doctors care. And know,  never to fall in love with a player. a player with an insatiable appetite for sex, and a vendetta toward men. because her husband lied, cheated, and dumped her. She lets you think your in a relation ship, then  she sabotages it, so she has an excuse to cheat on you, then dump you. She’s become, just like her ex-husband, and doing what  Her ex did to her, what she hates about him!
  • Her  heart is as cold as January ice.
  • I was looking for love, all I got was a Snow Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • If you like this story.  If you have been lied to, cheated on, used, and dumped. Tell your friends on face book. I will be most grateful.
  • I didn’t write this story out of malice, or to be vindictive. I wasn’t looking for revenge or sympathy. there are so many things wrong with this picture, I just thought the story needed to be told. You can make up your own mind .
  • If I’m wrong a bought her, I will owe an apology. If I’m right, and shes a player who lied to me and used me . Jan owes me an explanation.
  • Any time Jan accused me of hitting on woman, I told her I could never find a woman to cheat on her with. I also told Jan, if she broke up with me, I might never find another girl friend. It’s been over five weeks sense she cheated on me, and dumped me. No dates , no girl friends! Jan didn’t believe me. But I knew.

    It is now June 2014, a year and a half after she dumped me on Christmas eve. I feel guilty for writing this story. It would make a good movie, so I’m not going to erase it.
    It was a short bit of road between her house and mine. once and a while I go by her street, Near Monponsett. And the love I felt creeps back for a moment.
    There are times when I miss her, hate her, and times when I hope
    January drowns in lake Monponsett. I die when I see a Honda like
    she drove. I wonder if she is still with the guy from Maine. I hope he broke her heart. I have not seen or heard from her, sense I got dumped. She came from Washington county Vermont, to Vergennes
    city, to Castle New York, to Plymouth County Mass, Just to break my heart, and shatter my world. I have not found a new girl friend yet.
    I eat a lot of Vermont ice cream trying to get over her. When she finally stops cheating, she will be buried near Ben and Jerry’s.

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The perks of being, different, missfit, wallflower

There is a bad habit of the Movie Industry, Of making A Movie and advertising It, And the Movie plays In Boston, never comes to a cinema close enough so you can see it. These Movies are often better than the so called block busters. I was lucky, one Movie, was A little out of the way, but close enough to see. I just came home from seeing, Perks of being A wallflower. If you had A really bad time in High School, or like A really well done Movie go see this one. { see it on DVD. }

Staring Emma watson, who really shines in this story. And, I”m too old too think she”s hot, but she is. I”m old but not blind. The story is about Charlie, A misfit with no friends, till some kids, who refer to them self’s as the island of misfit toys, let him in. The story is multiple layered, and well paced. It touched on many things High School kids go threw.

Often Your lot in High School, started In Elementary School. You get sorted out In A pecking order by bully”s, or the insufferable jerks. most times the people at the top of the pecking order, are not smart enough to be there. I was the invisible, no body, nothing. A few misfits for friends, A loner, no click”s, clubs, sports, no girls, no back seat Olympics, In short, I might as well have been dead. I did badly academically too. I”d do better now than I did then.

I just wanted too be A rock star, so every body would love me. I”m not good at guitar, or singing, that never happened. The girl of my dreams, ( now I know theirs no such thing.) was too good, too smart, too popular, too country club, silver spoon for me. In ninth grade, I was so In love with this girl, I could not do anything. She was going steady with A twelfth grader. He had A car and money, she had A good reason for him to hang around. I never had A chance. Be sides, I was scared to death of her, never asked her out. Thirty years later I ran into her In a store, she stabbed me in the back like every body said she would. she did me a  favor,  I got over her. School days are gone, along with all those self centered kids who did not care about me.

Two other Movies about growing up I recommend are, The art of getting by. the main teenager in the story, could be me. It”s a Good story. Moon rise kingdom. A look at two twelve year old”s, who are A little bit more grown up than adults give them credit for. Bill Murry, is the girls father, Bruce Willis, is A kind harted cop. I highly recommend the three movies. High School on the other hand, is over rated. The guys that Were cool, played sports, were getting the girls, had fun. The rest of us did not.

The bottom line is I survived. And I don’t need that school, or any of the people who were there. Of all the kids in the school, maybe ten of them  stay in contact with me. I wanted to write songs like the Beatles, school was where it started. I came away with a lot to write a bought.  If I ever make any money writing, I’ll owe it to a girl, and a place in time I hated.  If you like this story, If you had a bad time in school, tell your friends on face book a bought it.

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Saveing America.

The once proud republic of America. It,s Constitution, ripped apart, laws enacted to allow the corrupt to operate around it. The agendas, and money, special interests, operate out side the law. All while making more money, better benefits, than you and I will ever see. What we need is A revolutionary tea party! Lets throw all the Politicians in the ocean. Let them drown, Start over with some people who actually care. Power corrupts, and in our government, power has corrupted absolutely. You can,t spend more than you have, more than you can make. End of story! I go to work every day, I can,t be late, I can,t play golf on my bosses time. I can,t borrow money to pay my bills. This is an election year, and there is no one to vote for. At least last election, we had Mac,cane. This time, it,s lesser of two evils. Unfortunately, that is Romney. I certainly hope people vote smarter than they did four years ago. Or America won,t be here in four years, when you need it! When you let A pompous ass stay in office, practically for life, you might as well dump rum down the drain. And your money too! America is no longer, by the people, or for the people. Our government is as bad as The dictators and terrorists we spend billions fighting. The loss is we are not wining, just spinning our wheels! D.N.C. is A procedure to clean an infected womb. Dumber kroute nonsense convention! America needs less nonsense, and more colonial spirit. They once said, every body pulls their weight, our country club leaders, do not. And public figures, have forgotten, they work for the people, the taxed to death payer. When in America, speak English. And hope we never have to learn Chinese. I might be compelled to move to Moscow. They could be more American, than we are now. God bless America, until its gone.

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Krista Kelly.

Once In Awhile something incredibly cool happens. I went to see A show At the Comcast center In early June, There were two Up and comeing Acts on A side stage. The second Act made the biggest Impression. Krista Kelly clearly sparkled on stage, And her songs stood out. An unknown Artist singing original material people have not hear before Is A daunting task. I have A tee, shirt custom made, That says, Marriage! not now I have A headache! I Love too wear this shirt In A crowd, the reactions are priceless, And all over the map. I make my point, with out getting arrested. I was wearing that shirt, standing close too the stage. When Krista sang her song, Ive got an ex old man and an ex best girl friend, I was laughing and pointing at my shirt. Krista saw the shirt, and was laughing too. I could not get A lady pritty as Krista, too go for coffee with me, never mind indulge In marriage with me. It is hard too believe A Guy In his right mind would dump Her. It,s his lose, and A great song. After the show, I bought Her picture, stood In line too meet her, Krista signed It. we had A funny conversation, My shirt, Her song. I should have got her C.D., and I did,nt .I gave Krista My card, Told Her I have A divorce song on you tube. I hope She looked It up. I,m glad I met Krista, I hope she makes It big. It would be great too see Her again someday, And find out she remembers Me, and my crazy Shirt. Good Luck Krista, Luv, Gary, The Dreamer.

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Stories from the Outhouse! volume 1

This is a random set of jokes, anecdotes, observations and commentaries that may fall on the raunchy or less tasteful side. You have been warned…!

This is rated P.G. 13.
Check out story’s, vol 2 and 3.

These short story’s, are comedy.  They should not be taken seriously.  No bashing is intended.
The use of terms, wife, ex wife, girl friend, ex girl friend, man from Maine, my boss, are for story telling, and do not imply a real person inspired it! I’m not responsible for guilty persons!

I have been writing things down for over forty years. I have no audience, no publishing deal, no one to sell  C.D.’s too, even if I had the time and money too record one. This is my only outlet for my imagination. These story’s do not represent who I am as a person. Steven king writes horror stories, that doesn’t mean he’s a horrible person. Don’t judge me as a person by my art.
If you don’t have any Imagination, or a sense of humor, or understand satire, don’t read this. I’m making fun of Love, life, relationships, Divorce, woman,  and how we complicate simple things, that are meant to be free.

This post has been added to, on Feb 28, new material.
If you like these story’s, tell your friends on face book.

A friend of mine got a black, male pig. He named the pig Obama. I asked, “what are you going to do with A black pig named Obama?” My friend said, “I”m gonna Slaughter him In November!”

I have found two words too describe the state of the economy.
Barroke O’bummer! Thank you Mr. President.

I saw a bumper sticker, it had a picture of George Bush. The caption read, Do you miss me yet? This was priceless, and I laughed my butt off!

I’m enjoying the Obama Gate thing. I feel vindicated! I voted for Mc Cain, and Romney. I can now laugh at the fools who voted for the current Commander and Thief! Nixon, eat your heart out!

Obama Care! A scam, if the rest of us perpetrated, we would go to jail! Those who can afford Health Insurance, all ready have it.  Those of us who can’t afford Insurance, will be forced to buy a policy so filled with loop holes, red tape, clause’s, fine print, provisions, and deductibles, It will never pay a single claim. Leaving the policy holder, holding the bag for all Doctors, and hospital bills! All while being forced to pay the premium on the policy,  which is useless. Most of us can’t afford to take a day off to go to the doctor. Who makes out, the insurance company makes money, the drug company’s make money, the doctors and hospital make money. We, loose money, as planed in the scam!

We fought a war of Independence against England over being ruthlessly taxed. The I.R.S. is the biggest, most ruthless, power corrupts absolutely, branch of government in the U.S.A. Never ratified, the I.R.S. lives in the shadow between Illegal, and necessity! With absolute Gestapo like power, and terrorist style method’s, they hunt down people, and shake them down for their money!  It’s not hard too believe the I.R.S. would be used to target any body who disagrees with the current  regime in Washington D.C. People beware!

I need a tee shirt that says, Boston Strong! Washington D.C. weak!

I hate Hillery Clinton!  I voted for McCain,  I voted for Romney. But given the choice between  Barrack Obama, and Hillery Clinton, I would have voted for  Clinton!

I was at a Fair in New Hampshire, and saw a tee shirt that said,  Charlie Sheen,  and Lindsey Lohan for president! I laughed my butt off! They couldn’t have done any worse than Obama. What made it funnier, was the sex scene with Sheen and Lohan in scary movie 5.

My love life Sucks. My love life is virtually non existent. I’ve come To the conclusion, that every Woman I date, must be A Dixie Chick! They just. Don’t. Believe… In BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A very Attractive early twenties woman was complaining that guys are always trying to look up her skirt. This Is normal behavior for guys. As long as a lady Isn’t doing a split without panties on, you can’t see anything. The next day, she went out in an Itsy Bitsy French Bikini! You couldn’t hide a dime In that thing! No skirt, no more problem!

I want a tee shirt that says “I love Pink too. So stop teasing me, and do something about It!” And a shirt that says “Make Love to me, not your cell phone.” And “Grade eight Wench Wrench, free loaner!”

My boss thinks he’s a mighty Hunter. He’s got the hat, gloves, boots, camouflage suit, guns, ammo, bow, arrows, stand In the tree. He talks a good game, but I’ve never seen him shoot anything. One day my boss asks me, “Gary, have you ever smelled A dead Beaver?” I said “nope, wife wouldn’t let me get close enough!” (P.S. This is a true story.)

My boss wants to drop a house on his Wife. He says he can make A fortune, selling the Ruby Slippers!

My boss says, I should have known I was in trouble on the day of my marriage, when my bride to be showed up at the church with a Limo driver on a Stretch Broom!

My boss married the Star and the Captain, of the High School kick ball team. He didn’t realize how good she was, till he tried to divorce her!

It Is always better to have a John Deere Tractor than a Dear John Letter.

What is the difference between a man, and a broom? No witch has ever had an allergic reaction to riding a broom!

The only criminal activity I’ve been involved with in recent years, was my divorce. It was a crime what that court did to me!

I miss having a wife on the really hot days.  When I had a wife I could count on the bed room to be freezing cold! I never need an air conditioner!

Girls don’t have to play nice, cause they have all the power! and guys can’t have any of it!

Insanity is dating someone new, an expecting things to turn out different!

There’s a fine line between being a lady, and making a guy wait so long he gives up. No body wins when a guy gives up.
Crazy is, when a woman who has never been a lady a day in her life, makes you wait forever, to get to the  intimate phase of the relationship!

My criminal record is a thorn in my side. The only time in my life when I’ve been in trouble with the law, was when I was married to my alcoholic, bad attitude, want to fight all the time wife.

My grand father told me he had a 57 Buick with dual air bags. I said grandpa, that’s not possible, they didn’t start making air bags till the 1990′s. Grandpa said yes I did have dual air bags, my wife and my mother in law!

Teenagers, we were back seat sinners, trying to make the grade.    We were back seat sinners, trying not to get caught! We were teenagers, trying to have fun, hoping we wouldn’t get knocked up.  We were back seat sinners, hiding under the cover of darkness.      We were back seat sinners, doing our home work, learning our lessons about kissing and loving, the hard way!

If Sex was money, woman would want to do it, and spend it,  all the time!

Girls give guys, hard feelings!

I placed a mass-a-kiss, on your apolcal-lip’s!

You can find me at Plenty of disappointment.com.

There is nothing worse than the fear that your last girl friend, is going to be your last girl friend ever!
There is nothing worse than the fear that the last time you made love, is the last time you will ever make love!
Girls being in total control over those situations, will never have those fears.

I love making deposits, at the bank of Venous.

Men are from Mars, and love sex. Woman are from Venous, and hate penis!

I need an Insurance policy, that would replace a, cancelled, Totaled, or stolen relationship!

I liked playing doctors when I was a kid, we had fun, never got caught, never told our parents, the girls were willing, I never got threatened with a restraining order. Life was good!
Things are different with woman. If you try to play Doctors with a woman, It’s going to cost you money, and your going to need a Lawyer! And you will probably regret it.

Life just ain’t fair, A famous singer, Marries A famous Actress, who is wicked hot! I can’t get a date!
An old guy who owns a foot ball team, has a hot young girl friend. And I can’t get a date!
An old ugly rocker, has a babe half his age and gorgeous. And I can’t get a date.
some old politician has a gorgeous wife, and a hot hot girl friend. And I can’t get a date!
Some jerk has my girl friend on horizontal hold, and I still can’t get a date!

My ex girl friend has C. R. M. Can’t remember me!

She left me for another offer, not a better offer.

Your Fish, is my Command!

I’ve got a big crush on JUNK! I need a tee shirt that says, I Love Junk! Or show me your Junk! Junk rules my heart, Junk rules the world. I love magic Junk. Junk is magic. Hey lady, can you sport me some junk. A little junk never hurt anybody! Junk is never inappropriate. Junk is normal and natural. Junk should be easy to get. There is more Junk, than there are men. Supply, supply, supply! Let there be Junk. I love junk food.

It’s better to be a trophy boy friend, than to have no woman at all!

I would never throw a woman out of my room, for eating Lay’s chips in bed!

If you make love to a man with a broken heart, It will heal. Volunteers will go to heaven.

I don’t want to pay convenience store price’s for love!

Unfortunately, most men will never be able to compare their wife or girl friend to Linda Lovelace.  And most woman  will never try to be Linda Lovelace, even if it would make their man happy! A woman is always looking for a man she can call deep pockets!

My ex girlfriend redefined the words easy, cheat, lie, back stabber!  she also redefined the word hurt.
She wrote  the Dick-tionary of cheating!

A woman never keeps the little pink promises she makes.

Grand theft girl friend! A thief will never under stand the repercussions of stealing your girl. The hurt and the heart ache he causes.

I need a Genie, to grant me three fish wishes!

Home plate is guarded by the devils Angels, and they won’t let a man get on base!

I love Cat surfing! Cat surfing makes my nights Purrrrrfect!

A Mans Marital Miranda Rights.
You have the right to remain silent. If you choose not to remain silent,  your in big trouble! Your wife is the law now.
Every thing you say and do, can and will be used against you in divorce court! Count on it!
You have the right to an Attorney, If you can not afford one, heaven help you! It won’t matter, cause her Attorney is better, and she is going to win, no matter what.
You have the right to make one phone call, but why bother!
You have the right to be thrown out of your house, and slapped with a restraining order, at any time, for no reason at all, with no warning.
You have the right to know, that once Married, you don’t own anything, and you have no rights at all! No love making allowed!

I painted myself into the corner of a relationship. She played, while I couldn’t get out!

A cradle rocking, rocket man!

The Devil has a harem, and he added my girl friend to it! The Devil won’t let her go.

A man will go crazy dealing with a creature, born with a split personality.

The lies, the witch, the cheater. I had my own personal Snow Queen. She left my perfect world barren, and shrouded in ice.

If I could have Rowe and Wade, erase all the feelings I have for you.

Maybe I’ll be over you by next Christmas Eve. At least you won’t be around to ruin Christmas, like you did last year. Last Christmas Eve will live forever, as the day you broke my heart. When you dumped me for that Internet romeo, from the land of misfit toys. In the months we spent together, we were closer than most married couples. The love we had was the greatest gift, your six figures could not buy at any store. You returned the love on Christmas Eve, with out logical explanation! For a fling without love or zing, with a stranger, internet, misfit toy!

What do the movies Ted, and Oz the great and powerful have in common?  Mila Kunis, got to be a witch in bolth movies!

I always get the soap opera woman! I never get normal ones.

I’m truly baffled by why woman who are only looking for a platonic buddy, would bother to date a man. when a man dates a woman, platonic is no wheres near his mind! Men are always seeking a lover. This is very normal. Platonic buddy dates, are not!

When a woman says, not tonight I have a head ache, she means, not tonight, not next week, not next month, not next year!  What she really means is never!

It is not easy being a man. And having a gun that reloads It self automatically, no mater how many times you shoot it. The worst part is, the target a man has to shoot at, runs too fast, and doe’s not want to be fired on! Target practice at the pink shooting range, has been put on moratorium!

They say practice makes perfect! So girls, how do you expect guys to get good, if you won’t let us practice!

It doesn’t matter how hot something is on the out side, if whats under the hood is no good!

I met her at the Traitor trading post, She led me down the path, letting me believe it was love! Then the Traitor from the trading post, traded me for a player traitor from the back woods of Portland. She cemented the deal by cheating on me like a traitor always will. Now they are Traitor and Traitor,  player and player, but will never be heart to heart. Here I walk back from the garden path, trying to get back to the trading post. Where I can trade in my broke heart, send it back to her, the traitorous host!

I wish there was a build a bare woman work shop. I could build any kind of woman I want! No one could take her from me!

I was pinch hitter for a player, then she jumped to an other team!

Going to bed hungry, with plenty of food in the house. With no girl friend, I go to bed hungry, and starve all threw the night, every night.

I’d rather have a player piano, than a player wife or girl friend. No one would be playing my piano when I’m not home, and a piano  never needs a night on the town to cheat.

A little advice for you guys.
Do not eat the Alimony pie! Stay away from the child support tunnel! And do not leave your D.N.A., anywhere it can come back to haunt you, or ruin your life!

What would you get if you crossed love stink’s with, the vagina monologs? I don’t know what too call it, but I wouldn’t stick my nose in it!

My boss says, if I sing at work he’s going to kill me. I think should sing all the time at work!

I’m not her tool of choice any more. She sure didn’t trade me for Snap on or Crafts man, she got less than made in china!

Make love, not war! This was a rally cry of the Hippies during the Vietnam war area. These days it should be the rally cry of the American marriage! Make love, not war!

She gave me three months of heaven, followed by three months of hell.  Trying to fall out of love, is the price I paid for a cheaters break up.

My girl friend Hooked up with a Professor Steffen Philanderer,  at the University of Cheating, in Harlot Maine.  He tutored her nights, and week ends, any chance he can get. He tutored her in the back seat, closet, the gym, on his desk, at his shack, all tuition free. Her first assignment was to cheat on me,  crush me, and dump me.  She passed her first assignment with flying colors. She will never fail the course, her ability to cheat is outstanding. She had accumulated  many credits before she met me. How can you fail, when your sleeping with the  Professor. She should be careful, she’s not the first fling he’s tutored, or used. He will hurt her. Thank you Steffen, thank you January Snow. You two cads, lairs, cheaters, deserve each other!

My Boss finally has a girl friend. I don’ want to say she’s fat, but all his friends are calling him Kermit!

Tonight I’m super, come unglued! I’ve got an ex girl friend, and a current broken heart. No matter how hard I try to stop them, there will be tears! next time I fall in love, maybe the woman will stay, and be faithful!

I’m so glad cars are not romantic! If I had to sweet talk, or wine and dine my car to get It started, I’d never get to work!

I need more sugar in my bed room, and less in my diet.

I saw a beautiful Princess in an Escalade. I know this Prince, and his white horse, can’t afford her!

Three months without a girl friend for a guy, Is like one hundred years of a woman , going with out , make up, money, cell phone, new dress, new shoes, vacations, dinner at a restaurant, a car, cheating, girls nite out, hair dresser, credit card! Try living with out all that stuff girls! see how it feels!

I need a woman who comes with a burning permit, I like to play with her fire!

I’m a taco pie guy.

Wife’s and girl friends, never wait for free agency. They just jump teams, and leave.

The Witches Of Celibacy.
There is this junk shop in a run down building, Where witches sell, magic wands, rocks, minerals, bracelets, pendants, charms, dream candles, herbs and female chauvinism.  The witches are phoney, and non of the junk they sell works! These witches are so anti love, anti men, anti sex, It’s pathetic. A man couldn’t get a date, or endearment in that store, with a million dollars, and a white horse! I think they worship false gods, Vestal, Medusa, Susan b. Anthony.
Do not waste your time stopping at this store, there is nothing worth wild here.  All good men, beware of The Witches Of Celibacy, no good will come this, you’ll find no love in that store.
Men, do not refer to a broom as a mode of transportation, you might  get killed by Phoney witches! It won’t be pretty!

My Bosses wife tried out for the part of the wicked witch of the west, in the new OZ movie. She was over qualified!

My Bosses wife Demanded he get her something really Expensive, that she would never forget!  So he gave her a Divorce!

You know your in trouble, when the Judge in your divorce, is nick named the terminator! And men are dead meat!

I’ve got love deficit disorder! It’s caused by no girl friends. My two wife’s caused this condition too!

There ain’t a dam thing lucky a bought being a man. There are no rewards, for being a guy, a husband, or a father.

A Sater could die of neglect in this day and age!

When I was a kid, there was a commercial. Lay’s potato chips, no body can eat just one! Well boys will be boys, and we use to say, A Woman, Is a lot like potato chips, no man can eat just one!

I’m having an out of your love life, out of your body experience.

Guys dream of taking a rocket to the moon, and exploring the perfect crater.

The girl was driving me plum crazy. Her Mini skirt was making me bananas. Her melons were making a point, twice. Peach insanity seduced me into madness. Until the night I shook the Cherry tree, now every thing will be alright.

I hate Anchovies! Once by accident, I ended up with a special pizza with anchovies on it. The anchovies smelled bad, they tasted bad! No one would eat it, I had to throw the pizza out! I hate anchovies! They remind me of my ex wives, and ex girl friends! I should have thrown them out!

She was a techie baby, the phone, the computer, the tab-late, the gadgets. She does not compute, when it comes to love.

Cheating doe’s not compute, that’s why woman do it. that’s why, my ex’s did it, that’s why woman are so good at it!

My friend says, I haven’t been punished enough. So he’s going to fix me up with his crazy, ex wife! He says she will push you over the edge. She will kill you !

P. M. S., So many definitions.
Pack my suitcase. Permanently mental syndrome. Pretty messy sex. Probably means stupidity. Pretty means stuck-up. Player meets stud. Pass me satisfaction. Pleasure my stick. Pepperoni meat slot. Pop my sanity.  Procure men’s safety.  Pass my slut. Protect men’s sexuality. Punish mean sisters. Premier master Split. Pussy miser statistics.  Potentially mastermind setup. Pandora’s misdevious sleeve. Prude monsters suck. Painful midol senorita. Prude’s masturbate secretly. Premadonnas mess-up sex-lives.  Persnickety Miami sexpot’s. Palimony melts sensuality. Peter meets Stevie.  Polished metal singer.  Play my symphony. Pro teen meaningless psychobabble. Prolonged metallic structure. Poughkeepsie mainline span. Paula munches Stefanie. Party mentality study’s. Petticoat madness situation. Pizza money spent. Perfect mental-case savant.  Prostitute money sleeps. Prostitute monopoly sucks.  Professor Maine steals.    Particularly mean Steven!

Ex girl friends. Curse them!

Did you hear a bought the sweet, Innocent, farm girl?  She won the player of the year award! What a heart breaker.

Who put the Pink, in the Pink Cadillac? Why didn’t they save some for me?

When I got married, She went into a sexual comma, and never came out. The doctors could not find a cure. After I divorced her, she woke up from the comma, and was cured! It’s a  Miracle!

It’s so cold outside, It’s a three Babe night. No dogs needed!

She picks up all her new boy friends, at Gigolo’s R US!

I wish I was a witches broom! At least I would get ridden once in a while!

If anger was love, and hurt was pleasure, and bitterness was a lot of woman I made love to. I could die a happy man!

You know your getting old when, the Beatles are your favorite band, now you listen to country.
you know your getting old when, all the woman who are pretty, are too young for you!
You know your getting old when, you’ve turned into your father, and you said that would never happen!
You know your getting old when, you want to go home, go to bed, go to sleep, and do it all by your self!

Dain bread bail jait, are nothing but trouble!

If it’s a Secret, put some dam clothes on it!

Millions of Angels! Their job, is to keep men out of Heaven.

Girls are Prudes when it comes to sex, but exhibitionists when it comes to skimpy fashions!

A Trojan Heart.
I’ve had my heart broken many times. Every time it hurts, and takes a long time too heal. My heart needs protection, from pain, hurt, love, and being broken. If I wrapped my Heart in Plastic, Then I would not be able to feel A thing! Like kissing threw a plastic bag, It would be a Trojan Heart!  No woman could ever touch it!

Love is like booking passage on the H.M.S. Booty. You hope love will be bounty-full, And that there won’t be  any mutiny!

Wife’s and Tattoo’s cost a lot to get, hurt like hell, are impossible too remove, or get rid of, never really go away.

It’s really hard to forget, when the last gift she gave me for Christmas, was a broken heart! It’s the gift that has lasted all year. She took back the Love, the pretty paper it was wrapped in, and she took back the box it came in, and left me the broken heart!

An ounce of prevention, is worth millions of dollars of child support!

The difference between a Bikini, and a married man. A bikini comes in two pieces, A married man can’t even get one piece.

Humans mess up, and complicate. The best things in life that are intended to be free. Woman never live up to their physical or emotional potential!

Life begins on the other side of the Bikini line.

I am programed to be a male. This is normal, and natural. If you are not programed to be a female, that’s not my fault. The glitch is you. I understand what a male is,  and all that imply s!

I love Italian wedding soup, I hate weddings! they should make an American Divorce Soup. Bread and water, with a bitter seasoning, served cold. The divorce judge will take that away from you too!

Suicide is a long car, A tall cake, a white gown, a black tux, a Preacher, and a big party afterwards! Guys, don’t commit suicide!

I don’t understand why they still call them brides maids. Maids are virgins. Non of these brides maids have been virgins sense ninth grade!

Rock the fishing boat, In a Beaver skin coat!

I wish I was born a beautiful woman. I would have been very popular in Elementary  school. I would have had boy friends in Junior High. I would have been the most popular girl in High School. Lots of boy friends, and sex anytime I wanted it. As a woman I could get men anytime by snapping my fingers. I would never  have to spend a night alone, I would never have to know what it was like to not be able to get a date. I would never have to know it was like to live with out sex! If I was born a beautiful woman I’d have it all. But no I had to be born a male, cursed to live with out love and affection, no dates, no girl friends, no sex!

When I was  a kid, I worshiped guitar God’s, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton. Well now I’m old, but I still worship guitar God’s, Brad Paisley, and Kieth Urban.

The dating pool, It’s more like a cess pool!

Making love, gives a man a boat load of confidence. Making love cures depression. Making love stops hostility. Making love is the glue that holds the world together.

Next time a woman dumps me, she better use a gun! It will be faster, and hurt less.
I’ve had way too much Drama Trama.

Hey Guys, try to git a date! You’ll see that nothing runs from lov’in, like a Dear!

Marriage won’t work, cause men are like Republicans. They believe everybody works, You have to earn your keep, If you don’t put out any effort, you don’t get any thing. Peace, love, respect!
Woman are like Democrats. They feel like every thing should be given to them. And they should not have to do a dam thing to get It!

Woman, they promise you love, then they pull the rug out from underneath you!

Loving a woman is like Devil worship!

Girls can get a one nite cure for a broken heart, any time with out trying. A guy can’t do that. I wish I could!

Going back to an ex girl friend, is like massakiss’t Kisses!

Alcohol will not cure the American females allergy to sex! Some nights If you lucky, It will help!

There’s nothing dirty in a hayloft. Just sweet clean hay, and good clean fun.

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James House

You Just Get Better All The Time.

During my many years of musical obsession that started with the Beatles in December 1963, there have been many favorite songs, and a multitude of bands and artists who have come and gone.  Many are one hit wonders, or the better hit never gets played. 

For instance, you never hear Which Way You Going Billy, a #2 hit from 1970, I’m With You by Avril  Lavigne, or Something In Red by Laure Morgan. Songs that stand out and stick in your heart are all too often forgotten.   Too many times I  wonder what happened to a singer, or band.

James House is one of those artists. I don’t recall how many hits he had, but one song stands out: You Just Get Better All The Time. The vocals and arrangement make the song profound and timeless.

At the time it was a hit, 1992, I bought the cassette tape for my wife on our anniversary. After the big D, years later, I could never find the tape.  In January 2012 I was turning pages of Guitar Player, and on an add for Wechter guitars I found A picture of James House. 

I was surprised to find he’s a hired gun, playing for Martina McBride, Dwight Yoakam, Diamond Rio, and Rod Stewart. How cool is that! Nice to know James is still around, still playing.  I bought  the CD, Hard Times For An Honest Man, online. I’m very happy to have it. I’d  love to write one song as memorable as You Just Get Better All The Time.

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Charlie Daniels

We had it all one time. The best song that Charlie Daniels has ever done. It is superlative in every way. I used to have the album Windows on Cassette, and somehow it disappeared over time. So I recently found a used copy of the c.d. online, basically just to get the one song. It’s not on the greatest hits and it should be. As much as I love Charlie Daniels work, I consider this song to be his absolute best. I wish he had played it in concert when I saw him.

This past December, {2012.}  I bought a used Charlie Daniels Christmas c.d. for three dollars. The attraction wasn’t just that it was a Charlie Daniels  c.d., I only recognized the name of one song, the Christmas Song, the only cover tune on the c.d.. Most artists recording a Christmas album, pick the same twelve songs, as every body else did. Even on collections of Christmas music, you tend to get repeats for certain songs, this c.d. is different.
Charlie Daniels tends to be Hank Williams, meets Led Zeppelin, Merle Haggard, meets Van Halen. Yet has a sound all his own. On this c.d., Charlie sticks to county, with little blue grass, and his trade mark guitar work mixed in.
Christmas Time down south, from 1990, is a master piece of song  writing, and musical crafting. It does not say who wrote the songs, but there’s not a bad one in the bunch. My favorite is track 5, My Christmas love song to you. Even the Christmas song is very well done. I love Christmas music, It ain’t easy being different. A lot of people hate it. It’s March, 2013, I’m listening to this c.d., if that makes me crazy, so be it. Remember, in the seventy’s people were a poled at the idea of Country Rock. Now Charlie Daniels is an American Icon.

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Katie Armiger

I almost didn’t go to the Woodstock Fair in Connecticut on Labor Day weekend because I couldn’t get anyone to go with me, and I’d already seen Little Big Town. It was about a 90 minute drive. I had never been there and was curious, so I went anyhow.

On the bill for the day was a singer I’d never heard of named Katie Armiger. I listened to her concert and she sounded really good, even though I didn’t know any of her songs. I went over and met her and bought her CD. I got there as she was leaving, and said “Katie, please don’t leave me!”

Security asked if she wanted to make one more sale, so she came back, talked to me and signed the CD. I apologized because I’d run out of my business cards and didn’t have one to give her. I tried to explain how to get to my site, Her assistant, whom I’d spoken to earlier, spoke up and said she had a card.

Later I would listen to the CD, which turned onto listening over and over for a week. I fell in love with the songs Kiss Me Now, That’s Why, Cry Cry Cry, Scream, Can’t Keep Myself From Loving You, and Strong Enough. The whole CD is really good, but those songs touched me at an emotional level. This whole album and her singing are better than anything that Taylor has done. There is not an annoying song on this whole CD. I’m so glad I saw her show and bought her CD. I can’t figure out why she’s not on the radio. Fact is, I talked to the program director at WCTK at their Snow Ball, and to my surprise, he knew who she was, had heard her in concert, and said she was amazing. When I asked why they weren’t playing her, she told me they’d tried to put her out there, and people didn’t take to her. I don’t understand how other people can’t see how good she is. I hope she does well out there. She has a fan in Massachusetts.

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Grace Potter Ooh La La!!!

Grace must have made an impression on the music writer at the Boston Herald. I had been reading articles about her before I ever heard her sing. I found a Kenny Chesney CD in a customer’s car and when I saw Grace Potter’s name on one of the songs, I borrowed the CD and listened to it. When I heard You and Tequila Make Me Crazy, I loved her voice. So at Christmas time 2010, I bought her most recent CD. It’s rare for me to like every song on a record or CD, but I’d call this CD an exception. My favorite song would turn out to be #6: Colors.  The first time I listened to it, I was blown away by Paris Ooh La La, an in your face rocker. Then I was shocked, surprised and baffled by #13, Things I Never Needed. I couldn’t believe that she started with something like Zeppelin, and ended with something that was so country you wouldn’t know she was a rocker.  I am totally in love with this album. I haven’t heard her first two C.D.’s yet, but they are on my list. I’d love to see her live, but tickets to Kenny Chesney are hard to come by. Her mantra “I don’t want to be Nora Jones, I want to be Robert Plant” inspired me to go with “I can’t sing and I can’t play, but I refuse to give up and I do it anyway.” Now being a guy, I have to note that I can’t make up my mind who is hotter, Grace or her bass player Catherine. If I was any good, Grace is the girl I’d want in my band. If I was about 30 years younger, well, more than that. I hope she makes it big, as she deserves it. Being from New England is an added bonus.

March 18, 2013.
Sense I wrote the original review, Grace went up the charts, and scored a no. 2  hit with Kenny. the video for you and tequila make me crazy was no. 1 for 2011.  Grace seams to be every where. On you tube, there is a documentary, A new C.D. release video, and Grace seams to be singing with everybody. She’s with Heart, Warren Hanes,and others. there are many videos. She’s doing very well. A note of disappointment, Catherine Popper seams to have left the band. Her looks, presence, and excellent bass playing, added to the mystique of the band. Her backup vocals complemented Grace’s lead. I’d like to know why she left.
I’d love to see Grace do an album of Country and, or pop material. As great as a rocker Grace is, Country and ballads, sound natural to her. If only I had the connections, I’d love to have her sing some of my songs. I have a love song Grace and Kenny would have a big hit with.

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Glen Campbell

As a teenager trying to learn how to play guitar Glen Campbell came along and although I would have considered myself a rocker, I couldn’t believe how much I loved his music. I watched his TV show with my grandfather every week. So when I read in the paper that he was doing a farewell show, I had to go see it. On February 23rd at the Wilbur in Boston I went to the show. I got lost and was a few minutes late for the opening act, and had no idea who they were. When their set was over, the girl said “in a few minutes, we’re going to bring out our dad, and he’s going to blow your minds.” Somewhat confused, I asked the woman next to me what the girl on piano was talking about. She said “those are Glen Campbell’s kids.” This was a complete and total unexpected surprise. Much to my amazement, when Glen came out, his kids were his backup band. And she didn’t lie, he did blow our minds.

He messed up a few words here and there, but when he played guitar, he meant it and there were no mistakes. I could see why he’s a legend. The biggest and best surpise of the night was when he did. Didn’t We Almost Make It This Time, a Jim Webb song originally done by Richard Harris (Dumbledore on the first two Harry Potter movies). His rendition of this song was flawless and amazing, as though he was forty years younger. It was worth seeing him just for that one song. It was an amazing show.

I didn’t get to meet him, unfortunately. It would have been up there with meeting the Beatles. I did meet his daughter and got her autograph. She was very personable, talking to people who came to the stage. I hope his children can make it big too.

As a songwriter, it would be a thrill to have had Glen Campbell sing some of my songs. He could have done with them what I’m not quite good enough as a singer to do.

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Guess Who I Saw

Last night I went to The Guess Who in Rhode Island. It was a great show! I was skeptical, since only two original members were there, and no Burton Cummings. The singer covered the vocals well, excellent in his own right. He was a doppelganger for the bass player in TSO’s Christmas video. Told him as much after the show. He was surprised to hear someone use the word “doppelganger.” The younger guitar players provided a level of energy above that I saw nine years ago, at an also excellent show featuring all the original members. Clearly they were influenced by a set of later musicians not around when the group formed in the early sixties. All in all, well worth catching them if you have the chance.

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Fire in the Hayloft

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